Frightened by Pain

[Sakura_Saku]

Hello all, I'm pretty new here still - only posted my first yesterday about my ultrasound visit yesterday.

I'm 37 (will turn 38 in May), and I was just able to see the little black speck that makes up my gestational sac yesterday via ultrasound. My doctor has been having me come in once a week because of my history of fibroids/endometriosis. I'm guessing I must be about 4 weeks now, because within the next few days would be when AF would be due.

Well, I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but AF seems to be trying to force herself in, judging by the scary things that have been going on, and today was the absolute worst.

For the last 4 or 5 days, I've been spotting brown and had back pain. I could live with the back pain - it's usually worse anyway when AF arrives, thanks to the endo, and it has been relatively mild and usually relieved by walking or bicycling. The spotting worried me, though. When my doctor looked, he said we'd just wait and see whether or not AF would happen, and I should just come back again next week. Fair enough.

So this morning I woke up feeling good (no back pain) for the first time in several days, and went about my business running errands and whatever. BUT - as soon as I got home, I bloated up majorly. It was visible, I felt like I already looked pregnant! Next came throbbing lower back pain, and possibly cramping. I was nearly to the verge of curling up in a ball and crying somewhere. It was even a pretty warm afternoon, but I started to feel like I was freezing, and nothing was helping me warm up. I have been home alone all day, and nearly went into a panic. When I went to the bathroom, I started to see some light pink, along with the brown spotting. I expected that I was probably about to lose everything. I drank some water to see if it would make me feel better, but all it did was fill up my bladder and make me feel 10X worse!

Finally, I decided to force myself to lie down and try to take a nap. I didn't know what else to do with myself, it was so painful. I was just waiting to have to jump up and run to the bathroom at any moment...but it never happened. I slept for an hour or so, woke up feeling a bit shaky, but the pain had calmed down. I had something to eat and took a hot bath to try to soothe the lingering aches. Here I sit now, still with a dull, lower back ache, wondering when this kind of pain may strike again. It was terrifying!

I'm only at my first month here! Would it be that painful were I to expel everything along with AF? Could this possibly be the effect of my bloating, full bladder and changes in my uterus on my endometriosis? I really thought I was going to pass out for a split second through the worst of it.

I did contact my doctor, and he was not alarmed by what I had to say, just asked me to hang in there and see what happens before my next appt. next week. Is there anyone here who has felt this kind of pain so early in pregnancy? Particularly if you have endo/fibroids? On the other hand, all we could see on the ultrasound yesterday was the black speck of a sac. I wonder if we will actually even see anything more next week, if something is inside it at all. Just feeling crappy - and scared - about this. Please let me know if you can relate at all - especially if you have a success story out of it!

I really appreciate your kindness in advance. I'm here alone for another 4 hours or so, and it's hard to sit with what happened and not be very upset.

 

[Dorian]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I can't relate, I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Nat0619]

Hi

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right at the beginning of your pregnancy

I can't relate to endo/fibroids sorry but I can relate to brown spotting very early on With this pregnancy (I am now 33 weeks pregnant and doing well ) I spotted brown for 2 days right around when my first AF would have been due. I then spotted another day, again brown, around 6 weeks pregnant. Having had a mc prior to this (although that was 'silent' with no spotting or pains or anything) I was convinced this one was going to go wrong too. But no, this little one is strong and an early scan at nearly 8 weeks showed baby measuring bang on for dates with a good heartbeat It is very common to have light spotting early on and your pains may well be things stretching - the uterus starts to stretch very, very early on.

Unfortunately I think all you can do at the moment is wait and see. It is very good that you are having regular checks. Not sure what you will see at your next appointment as you will still be very early, so don't worry if you do not see an embryo yet.

Wishing you lots of luck.

ps: We're very similar ages - I will be 38 in June! x

 

[zennie]

Hi Sakura,
Hang in there
I know you must be finding this so scary but try and stay positive. I havnt experienced any of the things you mentioned apart from being terrified in early pregnancy.
I had severe abdominal cramping at the very start of my pregnancy, in the 5th week. Was referred to the Early pregnancy unit at my hospital for suspected ectopic.
Thankfully it wasnt that. There was actually no explanation as such for the awful pains except stretching of ligaments etc.
Was told to rest up as much as possible and come back for a re-scan a couple weeks later.
All I could see on the 5-6 week scan was the gestational sac.
A couple weeks later the tiny little embryo could be seen plus the heartbeat detected.
The pain was horrific like you described and I passed out twice due to it. I'm happy to say that since that, my pregnancy has been straightforward with hardly any other aches & pains. Am almost 29 weeks now.
I really hope this is also the case for you and you will go on to have a healthy & happy pregnancy.

Take care.

 

[Maktub]

Sorry to hear you have so much pain

Here's some thoughts on "giving birth pain", that you might find interesting even if you are currently TTC and I know it's the your current source of pain. I've been reassured A LOT about childbirth pain by getting informed as much as I can about the natural birthing process. One of the most central thing that I have learned is that FEAR increases pain so much during labor, including fear of pain.

Here are some ressources I've been reading / watching with great pleasure. It also got me confident about my body's ability to give birth, as millions of women before me and mammals all over earth. While "painless" birth might not be true for everyone who tries, I'm convinced that it is possible to decrease pain a lot with the right perspective and preparation.

Some sources I really enjoyed:

Documentary movies :

The Business of Being Born

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DgLf8hHMgo

Pregnant in America

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3WWNKurKjA

Books :

Guide to Childbirth by Ina May (very reknown book & midwife, and very informative and inspiring with lots of natural birth stories)

Heart and Hands: A Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy and Birth


Audio podcasts :
Happy Birth for Relaxed and Enjoyable Delivery
Leverage your Innate Mind-Body Connection for Birthing


Hope that helps !

 

[Sakura_Saku]

I want to thank each and every one of you who replied to my post. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, but I spent the last 3 days going through hell. After I wrote this post, the pain got worse and worse, until I finally ended up miscarrying after all. I could tell that's what happened because the pain instantly went away as soon as it finished happening.

I'm left feeling tender and sensitive in all those places that were cramping, but the back pain is totally gone (thank goodness! That was the worst part of it). So, sadly - but in a reassuring kind of way - it wasn't just endometriosis pain. All I can do is try again next month, or whenever my body decides it's healed enough to try, and hope it doesn't end in such a horrible way again. And to think I was only barely pregnant and the pain was absolute torture...I can't even imagine what some of you must have been through who this happened to at later stages...I hope that we all will be able to carry healthy babies!!

 

[Dorian]

My heart goes out to you. I'll pray for a sticky bean and a happy pregnancy in your future.

 

[future_numan]

I am so very sorry... best of luck TTC in the future !

 

[zennie]

Very sorry to hear this

I hope once you've taken the time to heal physically & emotionally, that you will go on to have the baby you so deserve.

Take care

 

[mrs worry]

Im so sorry to hear about your m/c.......i m/c in 2002 and had the exact same symptoms as u, i then went on to have 2 successful pregnancies, so good luck n don't give up hope x.