Frighteningly Obsessed

[Hanskiz]

Hello ladies

So, I'm almost 3 weeks post ERPC and bleeding pretty much stopped now (FX'd).
I have found myself obsessively searching the internet for stories of women who have conceived right after m/c; ovulation after m/c; how fast hCG levels drop; what I can eat to increase fertility; what I can take to help avoid m/c, etc etc etc.
I'm a bit worried that I might be unhealthily obsessing over TTC - and we haven't even DTD yet!
I feel like I can't think about anything else, I wake up thinking about it I lie awake at night thinking about it, I spend every spare moment I have researching it. I want to be preganant again so much that I'm afraid I will prevent it happening through stressing about it.
Please help me, I think I'm losing the plot!!!

 

[WoodyA]

I know exactly how you feel, I am the same.

Google is my best friend at the moment

I want this so bad I don't feel like I can do anything else until I'm pregnant again

 

[Hanskiz]

EXACTLY - Can't do anything else - and yet life is going on and I'm actually really busy. I think I might go mad.

 

[iluvbump]

I really want to be pregnant again too..
but i do try to view it as it wont happen all the time i think about getting pregnant.. try to keep your mind busy!
xxx

 

[Cornish]

I think obsession may be a natural way to overcome a mc for some people. For me the more I concentrate on the next pregnancy the less I feel sad about the one I lost. The more information I have about how to do things right the more prepared I feel for getting that bfp and keeping it. Im enjoying this new amount of knolwedge that I never had before and most of it is about the way my body is working - surely that can only be a good thing? My mind is kept active by remembering what to take and when and how many days in a cycle I could possibly be, but at least my mind is active! I am keeping myself busy with research and exercise - as I researched exercise was good!

All you ladies are keeping me going also, you are so very strong and knowing that you can get through this is keeping me positive. Thanks for all the hints, tips etc.

I dont think this type of stress will stop you from becoming pregnant, its positive stress

 

[spellfairy]

i was there last month after my Mc on 13 jan. There are a handful of women who do get pregnant and i so thought id be one of them as i caught first time round, but i wasnt and iam glad cos i read your more at risk of having another mc if you dont wait for one AF . i dont think my body was ready so giving me a af was way to show me. iam on second cycle so lets hope it happens this time.

 

[willyandcourt]

I was in your shoes once... We've been married for 10 years throwing caution to the wind for the most part and actively TTC for the last 3 years. Became pregnant in April 2010. MMC with D&C on June 28, 2010. When we found out we were pregnant, we were beyond ecstatic!!! But, when we experienced this devastating loss. I thought there was no hope in the world and that it wasn't meant to be. I cannot tell you how I obsessed over searching for comforting answers. We did not conceive again right away, so in Nov. '10, we went to see a specialist. After lots of bloodwork and DH's SAs... we discovered he has some deficiencies in his semen. These deficiencies make getting pregnant difficult, but not totally out of the question... The urologist said we still have a 30% chance of conceiving again with a little work. Definitely not what I wanted to hear. Now it's March 2011 and we are pregnant again, but now I'm on the other end of the spectrum... Daily constant worrying about another loss. There are no words anyone can say to a person who has experienced a loss of a baby no matter how early, except from me to you know that there is hope!!! Keep your chin up and keep trying to achieve your goal and search for answers. Good luck to you all and hope you reach your dreams soon!

 

[Hanskiz]

I dont think this type of stress will stop you from becoming pregnant, its positive stress

I really, really, really hope you're right!

 

[hollyw79]

I definitely agree with Cornish that it's a way to help get past the miscarriage. I really do. I feel the exact same way honestly- it's totally consuming me and I keep thinking "I need to be happy without worrying about getting pregnant" ... but it gives me something to do - something to think about besides the mc- I think that is when I feel weak- when I start thinking about the mc- whereas where I'm gung ho on the TTC boat- I am optimistic about getting preggo. I feel like I am FOREVER trying to read anything that I can get my hands on that will help me avoid a miscarriage or to help me get pregnant. You're certainly not alone in this!

 

[catcatcat]

I had mmc on 15 dec and had just got an iphone so the obsessive googling began, it helped me at first but it can go too far. I too wanted to be really fertile after a mc but it took me 7.5 wks to get af. My dr said stress was stopping me ovulating similar to a student whose period stops around exam time. Im in 2nd cycle since and whilst researching ins and outs of whole reproductive cycle i have come across so much information i have now rendered myself infertile. I have had 2 healthy children (luckilyv& thankfully) concieved with no thought and planning. The mc has knocked me right off and with the help of google im stressed and am sure it will hinder conception of the next one so quickly so really i shud be chucking this iphone in bin. Good luck everyone i think patients and treating yourselves is the key

 

[poppy666]

I did exactly the same wanted my bfp straight away and found it very frustrating waiting for af which took 7wks to arrive, inbetween waiting my hormones were all over the place, temps up n down, positive opks every week, thought i was losing the plot, but then decided id properly try on my 2nd cycle cos 1st af was a bit crazy....

Best advice is to step away from google and listen to your body and more importantly try relax, you'll get your bfp again sweetie

 

[1liz9]

Hello ladies

So, I'm almost 3 weeks post ERPC and bleeding pretty much stopped now (FX'd).
I have found myself obsessively searching the internet for stories of women who have conceived right after m/c; ovulation after m/c; how fast hCG levels drop; what I can eat to increase fertility; what I can take to help avoid m/c, etc etc etc.
I'm a bit worried that I might be unhealthily obsessing over TTC - and we haven't even DTD yet!
I feel like I can't think about anything else, I wake up thinking about it I lie awake at night thinking about it, I spend every spare moment I have researching it. I want to be preganant again so much that I'm afraid I will prevent it happening through stressing about it.
Please help me, I think I'm losing the plot!!!

haha...I LOVE the subject of this thread. It's pretty hard not to be obsessed! I love the people that say "relax and it will happen," I just want to scream, "OK, WHEN?!" GL to you!

 

[Spoomie]

Hi Hanskiz

I'm so sorry for you. As almost all ladies above say, I think that for many people it's a normal part of healing and finding a way to struggle on when the pain is so deep and the burden is so heavy.

I definitely have OCD tendencies to begin with but I was like a woman possessed, reading the odds of conceiving immediately etc etc ad infinitum. I have had 3 miscarriages and a beautiful 2 year old son in amongst them and I was pregnant with him only 6 weeks after a m/c so I was certain the same would happen this time (12 wk m/c in November 2010) So, when I got my period on Christmas Eve (thanks!) I was absolutely devastated and the pain was as raw as the day we lost the baby, I had obviously been in denial a little, delaying dealing with it by convincing myself I'd be pregnant even before my first period. Each month since, the pain has returned like a smack in the face when my period begins (sorry if TMI but just seeing the bleeding is so so hard for me and takes me right back to the m/c) but this month, my fourth period since m/c, it was a bit more dull, kind of feeling defeated and weary - not sure if that's better or worse but it is less acute. I am still terrified that I won't be pregnant by my due date of June but I now realise that stressing about it won't make it any less likely to be so. For me, I have been living in a bubble, avoiding seeing people wherever possible and almost feel like I've been in suspended animation until I can get pregnant again and resume real life. Today I went for a run (I was a serious marathon runner until last August when I fell pregnant and haven't run since) and I realised that I have to look for other avenues to feel good about life again rather than just to hang my hat on the quest for a second child. For me that will be training again, trey to find yours sooner rather than later. I feel like I am as low as I can possibly be, weary of being that way and need to reconnect with my life, beyond just my beautiful son and my husband who have been my only comfort these past four months.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm making it about me, I don't mean to, just to share my journey that began where you are now. It's a hard road to travel and I wouldn't wish the journey on anyone. I hope you are pregnant very very soon and you get 'airlifted away' so you don't have to make it xx

 

[Hanskiz]

Thanks for sharing and being so open and honest Spoomie.

I've begun to chill out about it now. It's funny since I realised I was definately out of the running for a March BFP I've been feeling a lot more relaxed. I've also realised that the age gap I wanted is not the be all and end all and that actually it could've been really hard work!! I have a couple of friends who are really struggling with toddlers and new babies. Chances are my wee girl will be three by the time I have another one now and I think that'll be cool.

I still want to get pregnant again soon but I'm more prepared for it to happen in a few months rather than immediately. The most pressing matter at the moment is what on earth is my body doing and how can I help it recover physically???

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I'm getting through it and I'm beginning to come out the other side.

 

[Spoomie]

I'm glad for you Hanskiz, sounds like you've found your way sooner than I have, well done you. Our patterns of losses (sadly) and babies (happily) are so similar: I had a m/c at 6 wks, then my beautiful boy, then my last m/c was 12 weeks.

I have found this, my 3rd, loss so much harder to deal with - I probably didn't really have to deal with the one before my son as I conceived again so quickly. I guess also because it was so much later, I felt sure I must be home and dry having made it to 12 weeks, as all the websites tell you that the odds of m/c are falling weekly and are virtually zero by 12 weeks (sadly there are a significant number of ladies on here who make up that 0.1% or whatever it is, who lose their babies at 12 weeks) Also, I now have a real experience of how much I love my son and it breaks my heart to feel that I won't be able to get to know my lost little one in the same way.

Would also like to commend this forum for being a real place of sanctuary, people here know exactly how you are feeling long after family and friends think you must be back to normal, so don't hesitate to post when you are having a bad day, there will always be at least one person who will lift your spirits x

 

[Girlnextdoor]

I was just like this after my last mc, and I can feel it starting to come on already after this one. With my last, I was so relaxed about getting pregnant. I just figured it would happen when it happens. I never did OPK's or anything else. I fell pregnant on my 3rd cycle. After I lost it, I became an obsessed maniac. I bought OPK's and surfed the internet constantly looking for ways to get pregnant. Started B6 and Vitex (even though I probably didn't need anything). The good news is, even with my obsession, I fell pregnant again on the 2nd cycle trying. So, I don't think my stress affected it

 

[yellow610]

I could've written just about any of these myself... glad to know theres a place to go , where people actually understand and not look at you uncomfortable. We just have to have faith... Im still trying desperately to remember how I managed to be so calm and nonchalant last time i got pregnant.. this crazy version of me... im not liking. good luck to all the wonderful ladies on here. xoxo

 

[Justkeeptryin]

These posts make me feel more normal aswell. I've been like a bit of a crazy person aswell, my hormones have been everywhere and I've just got so many thoughts and worries racing through my mind since miscarriage. Also been arguing much more with my husband he must be getting so fed up with me. Im really trying to look to the future aswell but just so determined to conceive quickly again whether its right or wrong, I just keep thinking it will solve all problems. I never knew how hard ttc was in the first place and then when you go on to miscarry its just so difficult and then people are saying to me well you know you can get pregnant...yeah but it takes time and planning and then what if it never sticks. Noone knows how it feels unless you've went through it yourself, and I know that much more people on here are in a worse position than myself with recurrent miscarriages. I can only imagine how that feels x

 

[hopefulmama2b]

Hun, I'm there with you! I think it's natural for us to research something that has hurt us so much hoping to get some answers.

 

[daisydaze]

Hi ladies! This is actually the first time I have ever posted on a forum, but I found this whilst wondering about the site and couldnt resist!! I had M/C (@12 weeks) at xmas and have been increasingly obsessed with getting pregnant again... not helped by the fact I have a medical condition awaiting treatment and my doc has given me until the end of the year to fall pregnant successfully. Hence the obsessing!!
DH is beyond patient with me, and I dont think we should beat ourselves up too much for the google addictions! I tell myself its just my way of trying to grasp some control in a situation I have very little control over.
TTC is the most testing thing ever, and I wish everyone on the site all the luck in the world getting those BFPs!x