From ok to dreadful - need help!

[Kayley]

Hi
So since my ex and I split almost 2 years ago our relationship has been a very rocky one. He has always been quite abusive one minute and ok the next.

We recently got to a point where things were going ok-ish until Monday this week when he text me asking for my daughters birth certificate. I said that was no problem and as I was going out I even offered to drop it round, however I did say that I wanted to know why he wanted it (quite normal!) anyway he went off on one saying it was none of my business! I told him I wouldn't give him the birth certificate if he didn't tell me what he wanted it for.

The next day Tuesday I went to pick my daughter up after she had spent the day with him at the usual time (after I finished work!) he wasn't home and his mum who was there told me he had taken her out for dinner but she didn't know where. He wouldn't answer his phone and after 2 hours of worrying I ended up having a panic attack.
Anyway he text me later saying he was about to drop our daughter off and he wanted her passport. Because I was in a state from the panic attack my mum answered the door to him and he started ranting out in the street at her, swearing and alsorts and upsetting both my girls in the process. I went out and told him to stop swearing but he didn't and kept shouting not letting me talk, although I did manage to tell him he could have her passport if he told me where they were going, when and how long for - but again none of my business apparently, he said he was going to cancel the passport and reapply for a new one.

I rang the passport office yesterday (Wednesday) for some advice and was told he cannot cancel the passport without my signature because I was the one who signed the original paperwork. They also put an order onto the passport which stops anybody but ,yield being able to apply for one for her.

I didn't hear from him on Wednesday.

Today I went to pick my daughter up from his house again (as usual) and he told me she wasn't coming to mine and shut the door on me. I waited on the door step for 5-10 mins knocking then I entered the property myself and called out to my daughter that it was time to come home now. At that point my ex came and forceably picked me up and dragged me outside, I flung out trying to protect myself and his girlfriend came out and laid into me, knocked my glasses off so I couldn't see anything (they got broken in the process) and hit me to the ground, she then got me into some kind of hold that I couldn't get out of and was pulling my hair out. Thankfully my daughter was out of sight whilst this was happening but nobody stopped her.

I was in a state, couldn't see to drive and so I rang the police (they couldn't do anything because apparently it's legsl to forceably
Remove somebody from your property even if they are withholding your child!)

Now I know for a fact that this isn't the first time his girlfriend has been violent, she has hit my friend (my exs sister) who was pregnant at the time and has also hit another friends boyfriend.

Because of this reason I am scared to let my daughter be around her! However, if I don't let her go I could get into trouble for withholding my daughter from her dad (we have joint custody!)

I am going to see a solicitor tomorrow if I can but these things don't happen quickly and my daughter is supposed to be spending the weekend with her dad!

What should I do????

 

[Jade--x]

I would contact social services and get their advice. Tell them everything and all of your concerns. It sounds like things are escalating. Big x

 

[rockland45]

Oh my~I'm so sorry you went through that! But, like you, I'm glad your daughter didn't have to witness it. As far as what to do, that's a tough one without having legal expertise. However, for you and your children's well-being, you might want to think about speaking to a counselor about what's been going on. I'm sure they could offer you some advice on protecting your kids from any fall-out here, as well as handling your own panic attacks. Also, they might be familiar enough with situations like these to know what steps you might be able to take. So, if your solicitor's input isn't enough, maybe think about a therapist? In the meantime, I'll be praying for you and your girls!

rockland45

 

[babycrazy1706]

Oh my god!
How awful!
Big hugs xx

 

[Mummy1995]

Im so sorry hun i agree contact social services they could process things a lot quicker if they see her as being a danger x

 

[Kayley]

I contacted a solicitor but they can't see me until Monday

I didn't call social services but I have taken my daughter round this evening. I didn't say a thing to them at all just kissed my daughter and left.

Really anxious ��

 

[whattoexpect]

I'm hoping everything will be ok, but there is no way I would have dropped my child off to that. I would worry less about getting in trouble about visitation and more about what may happen in that abusive and violent household.

I hope you can fight to get sole custody and have a restraint order against the crazy girlfriend.
This is not normal and not acceptable and you should absolutely be calling children's services to investigate.
Asking for birth certificates and passports, clearly planning a trip you know nothing about.....gives me a bad feeling.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

this is so sad. She sounds like an absolute bitch. If he can think he can hold her at his I would do same and not drop her off. What an absolute wanker. Do you know any big men that you can get to come over when you have to see him? ffs what an absolute arse.

 

[baileybubs]

Oh I'm so sorry Hun what a total arsehole to behave that way to the mother of his children almost in front of them!!

I hope this weekend goes quickly for you and all is ok but after you get her back I would not be letting her go round there again until you have spoken to social services. I don't know where it would all stand legally but if you mention how he was witholding your child then that should get them to pay attention. Did your friend press charges against his gf? Coz that would be helpful if she's known to be violent to the police.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Sounds extreme but somw kind of syper secret recorder either voice/video or even both?

 

[babycrazy1706]

Hope she comes back safe n sound with no trouble this time

 

[rockland45]

I contacted a solicitor but they can't see me until Monday

I didn't call social services but I have taken my daughter round this evening. I didn't say a thing to them at all just kissed my daughter and left.

Really anxious ��

I was just thinking of you and saw your update. I hope everything turned out OK and you were able to get some help with this situation? I'll continue to pray for you and your daughter!

rockland45
#girlluvs2garden#

 

[Kayley]

Thank you for your replies

An update, I did seek advise and the solicitor advised me to try and speak with my ex 1-2-1 before going down a legal route.

So we agreed to this, the arguments persisted for a while but we eventually agreed to not have anything to do with each other including no contact unless it was about DD.

This was working well until last weekend. I received a message over fb from the new girlfriend (which I was shocked about because I thought I had already blocked her) anyway it was accusing me of sending my friends round to where she lives to abuse her and spit in her face, she accused me of threatening her with of all things threats to kill. Obviously I had no idea what she was talking about and I reported the message and ensured I had blocked her.

I then get a call from ex's sister and it turns out it was her and her friend andcshechad been to the house to pick up her daughter who her mum had been looking after for the weekend. The ex's OH knows who his sister is and she is the one she previously hit - so there was no reason to have involved me at all and all the accusations in her message were proved to be false. I spoke to the ex's mum who was shocked that the new OH had messaged me (and was actually quite angry) she told me the OH had moved out because she had been upset with the ex's mum for not looking out for her and taking her daughters side instead.

The worrying thing for me is the fact that the arguments that had gone on last weekend between the ex, his sister and the new OH had happened around my DD again!

Do I approach the ex again, leave it or go directly to social services?