Frustrated TTC #1

[ILoveme29]

Hello Ladies I am starting this new thread because I know how hard it is to have a listening ear for us ladies who have been struggling TTC and nobody understands us but us.

I have been TTC #1 since Oct 2014
Ive been to 4 different specialist (with my current being the 4th)
I am diagnosed PCOS and possible APS (Anti-phospholipid Syndrome)
HSG all clear
DH normal Sperm


I had a MMC in August 2015 which I had success with my second IUI
Been TTC ever since and nothing. In fact I had no AF from Jan.2016 until June 2016 so I couldn't even TTC then (the frustration)

What do you do when you want to try naturally but the only advice is to take all these meds and have iui or iVF? it really sucks

I feel like depression will soon hit me, but I wont give up because Its what I really want.

everyone around me is pregnant I cant even count how many times ive said congratulations this month. Just patiently waiting but totally frustrated.

I will be seeing my RE this afternoon so I will update what options I am given.

I would love for you ladies to share your TTC journey with me and throughout and wishing us all a BFP sooner than later.

All are welcome

 

[DeuceMom]

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[ILoveme29]

OMG @Deucemom your journey sounds so close and as difficult as mine. and im so sorry for your long journey as well. I prayed last night and that's about all I can do and comply with whatever my RE asks me to do.

My first RE after my BFP was so horrible she actually said to me after she realized there was no heartbeat " so were just gonna have to remove IT" and on top of that "or you can just wait two weeks and see what happens" a few days after that I begin to feel pains and numbness on my left side of my whole body. what a horrible experience.

I appreciate your story as is did almost bring tears that your miracle did happen in the end. I just understand your journey and the emotions comes from what you been through and how u never gave up. im so happy for you, wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy as well baby.

My body didn't even react to the clomid even doubling it, but my RE is thinking about trying it again.

Yesterday at my Dr. Appointment I was told I need to see a maternal fetal medicine doctor now (ughh here we go again) because with anti- phospholipid syndrome I can get blood clots and possibly even die just from TTC ( so harsh but realistic I guess) my RE doesn't want me trying naturally because it hasn't worked in the past, So thank god my insurance covers unlimited IUI's. My last resort is IVF

 

[DeuceMom]

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[ILoveme29]

Deucemom- I understand, u always hear " don't worry everything will be okay" but until you have experienced it before its a feeling you just cant shake. are you having twin boys?

and nope It gives me even more hope to know someone who has went through the same is possible to have a positive outcome. I really do appreciate you sharing.

yes my mom is wiling to help as she had similar problems TTC (her appendix burst at the age of 11/12) she was told she would never be able to have kids. she calls me her "miracle child" and then had two more 11 years after me. so she understands me very well. I actually was on the phone crying with her not too long ago lol. as I get feel overwhelmed some points but I am a very strong person, however we are human.

yes I took femara before, for some reason my new RE is just curious as what dosage of clomid may make me react. she says birth rates are higher with clomid than Femara but shes not sure exactly what route to take until after I see the hematologist tomorrow. this doctor is very concerning just making sure I get the proper care, which I appreciate. since the ones in the past never cared to check me for further issues.

I will make sure to keep updated on my progress, thank you so much

 

[Mrs. Atole]

Hang in there hun. I know how it feels, especially the bit about all the pregnant women around.

I began my TTC journey in Aug of 2014. Doctors wanted me to track my AF for a few months and use OPKs to see if I was ovulating (I have really irregular periods). Thus followed several futile months of 40-50 day cycles where ovulation was hit and miss. Still, wanted to give IUI #1 an unmedicated chance. That lasted all of the day before, because I did not ovulate. I had to get an injection to force it.

Result: IUI #1 BFN (March 2015)

They decided to get aggressive right away and start me on clomid for cycle #2. However, everything timing wise was being done by guesswork because I was being seen by a standard OBGYN. I'd never TTC before, and with my age and everything, they didn't expect me to have any issues. So why the IUI? I'm a single mother by choice, so TTC naturally is not an option for me.

Anyway. IUI #2 (also done with a trigger shot) was another BFN (April 2015). Had and HSG test done and everything came out terrific; tubes looked good and open. This was very swiftly followed by IUI #3 in the same month following the same protocols and another disappointing BFN. At that point, doctors recommend I see a specialist for my "infertility with unknown cause."

The emotional toll got to me (let alone the financial one) and I took a few months off.

Come Aug-Sept 2015 had new doctors and more testing. They found a problem with my thyroid and started me on meds. This time monitoring for timing was done by internal ultrasounds throughout the process. I'd also doubled my dose for clomid and used ovedril injections at home for ovulation. IUI #4 was in Oct followed by my first ever BFP!

Two days after blood-test pregnancy confirmation, I was informed HCG was not doubling as it should. Next few days was a crushing rollercoaster of emotion as my pregnancy was deemed not viable and I had to wait for AF. Almost two weeks later the witch came.

Mind, during this time, there was an epidemic of pregnant women in my town (my workplace alone had two women fall pregnant, one with twins, and it's a small company with only about 20 workers!). I was extremely angry and resentful and nobody seemed to understand how upsetting it was to know that you have a clump of dead cells inside that was meant to be your baby and you're sitting around waiting to pass it.

So, my period comes and I shed my lining. As per protocol, I get another test done to check my HCG levels...and they are still going up! Not doubling by any means, but now there is concern about remaining cells or a possible ectopic pregnancy. They do some ultrasounds but can't find anything either way, but it's not going to be a miracle baby by any means. Long story short, I had to have a methotrexate injection. That is followed by almost weekly bloodwork until my HCG levels return to pre-pregnancy levels.

IUI #4 ultimately BFN!

Doctors had me wait until I had a normal period to start TTC again. So IUI #5 came in Jan 2016. Largely uneventful and another BFN.

Then, in Feb 2016, had three viable eggs which were looking particularly good to my doctors. Had a good feeling tempered by all the previous disappointment. However, IUI #6 (following the same protocol of double clomid with ovedril trigger) resulted in BFP! But I wasn't out of the woods yet; that positive meant very little to me after what happened last time, so I waited with bated breath and unstable emotions for the HCG testing.

First HCG was 469 and four days later was 2262! Finally had some hope. Then came the first ultrasound at 6 weeks. There were three sacs! Two showed fetal poles measuring 5w6d and 6w0d with HBs of 114 and 121. The third sac was empty and would be monitored for development. A week later the two HB were still there; the third never developed. I am now 25w+5 with didi twins. So, chin up, your miracle baby will come to you in time!

Sorry for the book. I hope my story offers you some hope and a positive outlook. Take some time off if you need to (though I do understand the drive to take every available opportunity as it comes). I wish you much luck and lots of baby

Wow what a long journey. But how much did it all cost if I may ask ?

 

[tcinks]

I'd love to journey with you. Ive been TTC since July 2014, and have lost 3 babies along the way And I totally get the feeling of everyone around you getting pregnant/having their babies and wondering when it will be your turn. So frustrating. :/

The doctors know the reason for my first two losses (incompetent cervix) but not for the most recent one. And I also had no problem conceiving my first (happened the first month) but since then it's gotten harder and harder. I'm on my 3rd cycle trying since my MMC in April and I'm pretty sure af will be here Sunday. Have a few different things I want to try for next month.

 

[sarah2211]

I'd love to join too. Iloveme, we chatted in another thread a while ago.

I'm not as far into TTC as you all are, but I feel like that could be our journey could follow where you all are now.

DH and I have been trying for almost 10 months now. I have PCOS and Lupus and as far as we know DH is healthy although he thinks he might have a varicocele. I went to my GP at 7 months of TTC and he prescribed Metformin and referred us to a fertility clinic. In the month before our appointment I got a BFP! But lost it at 5 weeks. We saw the fertility specialist last cycle and he lost all our test results (DH's SA, my progesterone and other hormone testing). He was pretty useless. But I don't seem to have ovulated this cycle so we will see what happens. I'm currently waiting for my ultrasound appointment and then we will see the fertility specialist again. If we have no luck then, we'll get a second opinion.

Emotionally, I wasn't expecting it to be so tough to TTC. Like you said, everyone else seems to be announcing their pregnancy and it seems so easy for everyone else.

 

[DeuceMom]

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[DeuceMom]

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[DeuceMom]

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[Aphy]

Hope you don't mind if I follow your and everyone else's journey here. Though I am way behind you guys, I would not be surprised at all if in a few months I am writing a similar story to what you have described. Been trying for 10 months and was diagnosed with pcos last month. Started Clomid 50mg this cycle. The complication I have is that I had to have a total colectomy a coupe of years ago and one of the potential risk sis that the scar tissue formed can cause infertility. My biggest fear is that that is what I currently have though my gynae insists on first doing 6 months of clomid before he even tests for the scar tissue. Time feels like it is dragging so slowly and its only my first month of fertility treatment!

Our medical aid doesn't pay for any fertility treatment so the way forward is going to be a very expensive one for us

 

[ILoveme29]

I would be more then happy for you to join me. I remember you from my forum last year after my MMC I was in TTC after loss. I moved out of that forum now because I felt as though it was more like a race to who can become pregnant again faster then anyone else. didn't help much.

Have they done any further blood test on you like thyroid, clotting disorders or are you seeing a specialist?

there has to be a reason for not being able to carry and im sure there is a plan that will work for you. Best of luck on your journey.

what are your plans for TTC this go round?

I'd love to journey with you. Ive been TTC since July 2014, and have lost 3 babies along the way And I totally get the feeling of everyone around you getting pregnant/having their babies and wondering when it will be your turn. So frustrating. :/

The doctors know the reason for my first two losses (incompetent cervix) but not for the most recent one. And I also had no problem conceiving my first (happened the first month) but since then it's gotten harder and harder. I'm on my 3rd cycle trying since my MMC in April and I'm pretty sure af will be here Sunday. Have a few different things I want to try for next month.

 

[tcinks]

Yeah, and I feel like groups get so big sometimes, I don't remember everyone and their story.

With incompetent cervix, as baby grows and puts on weight, my cervix will just start to open and baby comes unexpectedly. There is something they can do for that (cerclage to sew the cervix shut) but they didn't realize that's what was happening until I lost my second baby. The babies were perfectly healthy, my body just couldn't hold them in. With my most recent loss, they didn't find a reason. I should have been 9 weeks but baby stopped growing at 6. They did some blood tests after but everything was normal.

 

[ILoveme29]

Hello Sarah and welcome. yes I remember. And thanks for joining. I think 10 months is long enough to compare for most get BFP within 6 months. that disappointment month after month is emotionally draining. Did you have to see a specialist for the Lupus like marenal Fetal or Hematologist? I was told I have anti-phospholipid syndrome and according to my DR. its just as similar. I go to my hematologist today. Im nervous because every Dr. I see its like bad news for me. but trying to stay positive. I was told I may need low dose aspirin (81mg) and Heparin shots. I also read a lot on it and it helps with Lupus patients to start before TTC.

I'd love to join too. Iloveme, we chatted in another thread a while ago.

I'm not as far into TTC as you all are, but I feel like that could be our journey could follow where you all are now.

DH and I have been trying for almost 10 months now. I have PCOS and Lupus and as far as we know DH is healthy although he thinks he might have a varicocele. I went to my GP at 7 months of TTC and he prescribed Metformin and referred us to a fertility clinic. In the month before our appointment I got a BFP! But lost it at 5 weeks. We saw the fertility specialist last cycle and he lost all our test results (DH's SA, my progesterone and other hormone testing). He was pretty useless. But I don't seem to have ovulated this cycle so we will see what happens. I'm currently waiting for my ultrasound appointment and then we will see the fertility specialist again. If we have no luck then, we'll get a second opinion.

Emotionally, I wasn't expecting it to be so tough to TTC. Like you said, everyone else seems to be announcing their pregnancy and it seems so easy for everyone else.

 

[ILoveme29]

LOl I love that reference its the cutest thing. Boy/Girl its definitely a blessing. And if you don't mind I would love for you to share even after pics of your little ones. I think it will help sharing for myself and others that it can happen no matter your journey and never give up.

this by far is the closest ive gotten on BnB to others who understand, I felt other forums were very competitive instead of helpful. DH didn't want me on the forum during my TWW because he felt I would be jinxing myself, but its hard not talking to anyone at all but him lol. I mean he is a man and its girly stuff he would just say "oh okay" to everything.

ILoveme29 - I am having girl/boy twins, one of each. The soda pop reference was from my 20 week scan when the doctor told me they weighed approx. 11 oz. each which was where they wanted them to be at the time, about the size of a soda can. I thought it was a cute/funny reference so it's my nickname for them. (Although as of my last scan they are twice that size. )

I'm glad your mom is such a support for you. Both my parents have been with me on every step of the journey, but even they sometimes fail to really understand because they had no trouble conceiving me or my siblings. I couldn't even bring myself to join BnB until I was near 20 weeks cause I've kept worrying something would go wrong. However, it's been very nice and normalizing speaking with people who really and truly understand what I'm feeling because many have been through the same. I don't have to justify or try to explain my feelings because many women here just get it.

as far as the testing issue. I know about wasted time. I feel you know your body and if your paying why not just do what's asked. you shouldnt have to go months of no progress and the DR. not trying to see the real issues. I feel like they want to just collect the money at that point. How about this one, my second RE tested me for APS and my results were abnormal and never bothered to address it. that was November of last year. OOh was I so ever angry when my Current RE told me that. she was even upset that they continued without giving me proper care. If I could only SUE I would

It's good that your new RE is checking you over before making any decisions. One of the issues I had at the start was that I'd asked questions about testing for issues (I'd done my research prior to TTC) but they shot me down claiming I didn't need them as I had no known issues. Several thousands of dollars wasted and the tests that I had asked for were done by my fertility specialists and a problem (the thyroid issue) was found after all. I was rather angry that I had been dismissed in the first place. I may have conceived sooner had they done as I asked. When in doubt, demand information and attention to your concerns!

 

[ILoveme29]

Welcome Aphy and thank you for joining . hopefully you don't have to have a long journey but 10 months is long enough. if you had it a couple of years ago, why would your GYN want to wait 6 more months. Is there a way you can see a specialist instead of GYN. I find that most GYN do the same thing try 3 to 6 months and then send you to a specialist that sucks. did you have a HSG done? and have you checked to see if you O on your own or are you being monitored?

Hope you don't mind if I follow your and everyone else's journey here. Though I am way behind you guys, I would not be surprised at all if in a few months I am writing a similar story to what you have described. Been trying for 10 months and was diagnosed with pcos last month. Started Clomid 50mg this cycle. The complication I have is that I had to have a total colectomy a coupe of years ago and one of the potential risk sis that the scar tissue formed can cause infertility. My biggest fear is that that is what I currently have though my gynae insists on first doing 6 months of clomid before he even tests for the scar tissue. Time feels like it is dragging so slowly and its only my first month of fertility treatment!

Our medical aid doesn't pay for any fertility treatment so the way forward is going to be a very expensive one for us

 

[ILoveme29]

Im so sorry @Tcinks, do you plan on trying the sew. if so would you have to have a C section? and do they open it back up? sorry for the questions I just never knew exactly the process for your diagnosis. And do you have to take any meds are are you able to get pregnant naturally?

Yeah, and I feel like groups get so big sometimes, I don't remember everyone and their story.

With incompetent cervix, as baby grows and puts on weight, my cervix will just start to open and baby comes unexpectedly. There is something they can do for that (cerclage to sew the cervix shut) but they didn't realize that's what was happening until I lost my second baby. The babies were perfectly healthy, my body just couldn't hold them in. With my most recent loss, they didn't find a reason. I should have been 9 weeks but baby stopped growing at 6. They did some blood tests after but everything was normal.

 

[ILoveme29]

AFM- after my Breakdown at work yesterday I went and spent some time with my mom and the rest of my family. My mom gave me some money for a new TV, lol yes guys Im spoiled . But it helped me take my mind off of things.

On top of that I got the Okay from my RE to see a different hematologist then she recommended, which took a lot of weight off my shoulders as I would have needed all these referrals just to start. I will be seeing this Dr. today and hopefully my RE again after so I can still get a chance to try this month. I will update the outcome of that visit.

I also had a HSG done on the 18th of July which came back all clear, But I bled for about two weeks after. Im confused right now if it was AF or just bleeding from HSG at this point I have no clue where I am this cycle. I wanted to try and track O on my own this month but im not too good at it.

Im currently taking Metformin 1,000mg twice daily along with geritol multi-vitamins.

 

[tcinks]

So nice of your mom And also helpful that she has had struggles and understands what you're going through. My mom and sisters have had no problems, so I'm just the odd one out :/
Glad you get to see another hematologist, keep us updated on the appointments!!

Yes, when I get pregnant again and reach 2nd trimester I will get a cerclage. And they can just take it right out as I get closer to delivery so I wouldn't need a c section. I get pregnant on my own, but it has been getting more difficult. I have fibroids, which my doctors all say isn't a problem, but I can't help but think they contribute somehow . So I've started taking Serrapeptase, which I've been doing a lot of reading on, and it says it can help in getting rid of fibroids! (In addition to lots of other benefits) It's a Natural enzyme. And I also started Maca and am having DH try it too. I used to be able to tell when I'm ovulating but lately that hasn't been the case, so hopefully Maca can help with that.