Frustrated TTC #1

[Aphy]

With work its always complicated when ttc. My colleagues all knew we were trying and after 8 months after I had already made an appointment to see my gynae cause I noticed my cycles were getting irregular, my other colleague found out she was pregnant (she had undergone foot surgery and taken hectic pain meds etc before she knew she was pregnant so unfortunately it ended in a mc) but now everyone thinks I went to gynae only because she got pregnant. They were obviously all asking me what gynae said afterwards and I dont want to lie to them so I told them about the pcos and Clomid etc but now I sit with the worry of what do I do when I eventually get my BFP! I dont want to tell everyone before 12 weeks (I saw how it affected my colleague) but at the same time I can't avoid it cause I have to tell my boss in order to get the 1 day a month pregnancy check up benefit. So frustrating!

Sarah, does it feel like they will look at you or treat you differently if they knew?

 

[sarah2211]

Aphy, it sounds like you and your colleagues are very close to be sharing that information with each other. It must be difficult, especially since they know so much and may even guess.

I feel like sharing your infertility and sharing about a MC is similar though. It's both private information. To be honest, I've found it easier talking about the MC. But it would be entirely up to you whether you told them before 12 weeks of course!


I've only been in my job since March. Like I said, before me they don't like change, their team was unchanged for 6 years. I know they expect that I'll fall pregnant and may not return after that, but I think they expect that to happen in 12-24 months time. I know if they knew we were trying when I applied for the job, I probably wouldn't have been given it. Some teaching teams aren't so worried about change, but I know for these teachers, they would be really annoyed. But I am not letting that stop me from trying, obviously. But I don't want to advertise it and have them feel this way towards me before we're even pregnant!

 

[ILoveme29]

@Sarah when i had my MC and it was confirmed i was trying not to cry. as soon as i left out to the parking lot me and DH just broke down in tears. I really don't wish that feeling on anyone. was absolutely the saddest day of my life. I understand what your saying when it comes to work.

@Aphy wow, ppl always assume things. ive never cared to share my personal info to my colleagues. only my closest one and my boss because she knows. and she understands my situation (im in nursing). ppl will know when they see my belly lol.

 

[Aphy]

We are a bunch of psychologists so we are kind of expected to be open about things in our department 😖 Unfortunately we have one colleague who is in the bosses pocket so if I tell him,he will definitely tell her and then the whole department would know no matter what I want. *sigh* work politics!

I am so sorry for the mc you have had to go through!

 

[ILoveme29]

I have question ladies, today makes CD3 for me, my AF is still very light, just enough for a panty liner. ive had this before but im so used to it coming full flow by now. idk if that's normal. im happy that it showed but barley

 

[sarah2211]

Iloveme, I agree, I don't think I've cried as much as I did about the MC for a very very long time. We had a lot of hopes pinned on that. The length of time we'd been trying, plus being able to get pregnant without needing to see a specialist (which is the next step now). Plus the feeling like its pushed you back further from the finish line.

Aphy, that makes a lot of sense about being psychologists, but you're still entitled to privacy. Haha yes work politics.


Iloveme, I commented on the other post about your light AF. Mine is like that too. Sometimes it slows down or stops for a day and then starts again. My AF before the MC was really really light, just spotting for a few days. I asked about it and was told 2 things, spotting isn't AF take a pregnancy test (BFN) or a thin endometrium lining (I think). one off might be ok, but if it happens again ask your doctor.

 

[ILoveme29]

@Sarah yes and then some months its very long lasting and quite heavy. I did read your post on the other board and thank you. I read about it being endometria as well or something of the sort, but nothing to do with endometriosis thankfully.

CD4 for me AF is a little heavier, and im having a lot of pressure and cramps

 

[sarah2211]

Hope AF isn't been too harsh on you iloveme.

13DPO here. I did a cheapie this afternoon and it was a BFN. I'm getting some cramping (which I never get) so I'm predicting AF will be here in the next few days I know you're not out until you're out, but I just feel it.

 

[DeuceMom]

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[ILoveme29]

@sarah not at all in fact its completely gone, I don't know if I can even call that having AF . Im sorry to hear about BFN, cramping can be a good sign as well so fx for you.

@Deucemon thanks for the advice. my cramping has eased up thankfully.

I still have not started temping. I guess I will get opk test strips I can never keep up with it.

 

[sarah2211]

Duece, I am finding it hard to stay positive. This cycle I said I wasn't going to test early, but then I got so impatient I couldn't help it. Usually, I'm not a POAS addict, it's just after my loss last cycle. Definitely taking panadol, thanks for the reminder.

Iloveme, your AF was so short! That's weird. I had an AF like that a few cycles a go. Someone said it could be something to do with my lining.


AFM, AF is due today, CD 15. No sign of her yet. But my chart is definitely looking like it's all over.

 

[ILoveme29]

@Sarah ye sive read about that as well. Im just happy its better then nothing at all. im making somewhat a progress.

Sorry to hear about your temp drop. are you going to test anyway?

 

[sarah2211]

Yes and now you're on to your new cycle. FX this is it for you!

No I didn't bother. AF came yesterday morning

 

[ILoveme29]

Sorry to hear AF came what CD are you now.

And omg ladies I told you all im horrible with tempting ive missed so many days. today is CD 14 for me and I have no clue about O. so im just going to BD every other day to see what happens.

 

[sarah2211]

Haha that's alright. Just keep BDing it's become such a habit for me now.

 

[ILoveme29]

Just a little update

hope all is well

So today I finished my consultation with the Hematologist. He says my labs are fine and if my RE agrees to start me on baby aspirin I can. Im not sure if ppl need the okay just to take aspirin I have read plenty of ladies who have taken it just because. any who, he says my findings are not of high risk and would not need additional heparin shots. now I have to go back to my RE to see what her plan will be with me.

overwhelmed with the back and forth I told my RE on Monday how frustrated I am from having to take too many hours out of work just to go see her and wait at least 3 hours anyway (horrible). I work 8 to 4. take off at 2pm just to see her by 3pm appointment and am not seen until 5:30 so why cant you just make me an appointment later and I can make it after work ughhhh!!

so she agreed and decided she can see me at 5 yayy lol

sorry for the long story ladies, but other than that im CD15 am very bloated having bad headaches and barely an appetite.

 

[sarah2211]

I'm glad to hear that your labs are fine and that everything is looking good from that end. I don't think there's much of a risk with baby aspirin. It can cause a bit of nausea I think and you do need to keep taking it once you get pregnant. I was going to try it this cycle, but completely forgot.

I understand how frustrating it must be for you going back and forward, hopefully you only need to see the RE now and you can go after work!

Hopefully O isn't too far away for you.



AFM,
We got our results yesterday. DH's SA was all normal and my blood tests weren't great.
Prolactin, LH and free androgens were high. Oestradiol was low. Progesterone on CD 30 was 3 (anything over 8 confirms ovulation). Comment said "probably not ovulating".

The ultrasound showed some characteristics of PCOS. My left ovary was 6.6mls and my right was 14.4. Lots of small follicles. My uterus is anteverted and "rather small". Endometrium was smooth and normal, 4.7mm. Cervix was normal.

We are hopefully seeing the private specialist on the 1st October. DH is probably being deployed mid December-March and will be going to a country with Zika so it'll be 6 month wait to have unprotected sex once returns. It's probable that he could be deployed for 6-12 months at the end of next year.... So I NEED to be pregnant before December.

 

[ILoveme29]

im thinking about starting If not this cycle then the next, it cant hurt.

@Sarah at least you know what's going on with your body now and can do what's necessary to balance everything out rather then not knowing what's going on at all. mine came back as 1.5 last month meaning I never O either. And as long as your ovaries and tubes are open the tilt of your uterus should be okay when TTC. Im sorry to hear about DH deploy it just adds a more stressor. are you planning to try iui anytime soon?

 

[DeuceMom]

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[ILoveme29]

@Sarah I agree with Deuce about the freezing. it is possible and will be helpful to the situation.