Frustrated...

[kittylady]

First of all let me say that I am happy for people to parent how they want, bf, ff or combi that's up to them. But I am posting on here purely because I know this post will probably be taken out of context by some people.

I have worked hard to breastfeed my daughter, she is now 21 months and still going, I pumped for over 6 months whilst at work which was really difficult as there was no where I could do it except the women's changing room where there was always the chance of being disterbed. She has a full mouth of teeth bar 4 which are on the brink of coming through, yet I constantly hear of women giving up because baby has one or two teeth. I am fed up of hearing that people think formula is the same as breastmilk, it is as similar as its going to get but not and never will be equal as it is not naturally biologically made for baby, its not even made from the milk of the same species. But so people can feel better about themselves they try to downplay and belittle my achievement. Yes you felt stopping or never breastfeeding was right for you but it does not mean you can try to push it onto me so that you can feel better about yourself. If you feel that you need to do this then please look at why you feel this need before you talk to me. The worst was 'don't you think you've suffered enough' - no actually I've enjoyed doing what I think is best for my family.

I firmly believe that eating as naturally as possible is the best thing to do for MY family, (I have put that in bold as I do whats best for my own family and am sure that everyone else does this for THEIR family). I eat organically as much as possible and try to avoid processed food/synthetic vitamins as much as possible. Therefore to me, breastfeeding, as the most natural feeding substance for babies, is the best for my children.

I feel really lucky that I have been able to do it for this long but I also feel that I have made a huge effort to get here, I had PND at 7 months and still continued to bf and I feel that even though I know some women can't (or wont) breastfeed, I wish it would be recognised as an achievement rather than being downplayed as 'not worth it' which is how I feel modern day attitudes are. I am also more angry being pregnant I think.

 

[leigh5tom]

Well done, you've done brilliantly.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this was though? You said yourself it's likely to be taken out of context? You haven't really asked a question or asked for support. If you knew people might be offended why post?

But none the less well done you!

 

[kittylady]

It was because I needed to vent and I have no one who understands bar my husband, whenever I tell my friends I'm finding it hard or any problem arises they either tell me I need formula or need to wean so I just needed support rather than that. Like the post says, I feel frustrated.

 

[leigh5tom]

oh, must be horrible for you to not have any friends who can support and help you.

I'm not sure I understand what you are finding difficult though? You said none of your friends give advice except switching to formula. Are you having a difficult time breastfeeding now? Xx

 

[Popples1]

21 months IS an amazing achievement and should feel suitably proud of yourself. However it's worth remembering that not all of us who have to use formula do it through choice. Personally, I find your post a bit inflammatory as someone who has suffered the guilt of using formula after a multitude of problems including a baby who won't latch, tongue tie and milk supply issues. My baby gets breast milk every day AND he goes to bed with a full tummy. If I was still trying to EBF that wouldn't be the case. So congrats on doing so well but don't be surprised if the derogatory comments on formula raise some eyebrows, particularly for those of us who are still tying to make peace with their inability to EBF.

 

[kittylady]

I understand that but am I supposed to hide away because I can breastfeed. I know a lot of people that didn't even try breastfeeding. I know people like yourself that had to formula feed for one reason or another. But I'm fed up of feeling ashamed of my achievement to avoid hurting other peoples feelings. Like I said, I have contended with teeth, post natal depression where I was suicidal and going back to work full-time which are all reasons people give up or wean, I feel like I should give up to make other people feel better and that's not how I want to feel. I want to be proud of the 21 months I have achieved without someone becoming defensive.

 

[TCK_Runner]

I think a lot of it depends on the environment you're trying to breastfeed in. I live in Germany, the place where every box of formula I've seen has at least *3* reminders on it (back, front, and top lid) reminding you that Muttermilch (breast milk) is the best for your baby. This includes putting it on the formula box I had to use, the kind of formula *explicitly* designed to be used only as a supplement to those also breastfeeding. Yes, thank you militant breastfeeders for making me feel like even more s**t because I couldn't satisfy my baby with my own milk and have had to supplement with formula at various points. Because that is exactly why I'm buying formula, to be lazy and not feed my child breast milk.

In any case, I am not saying anything about you or your situation. It's fantastic that you can do what you've done and that you have made it through thick and thin. Bravo! Congrats! But formula is also not 'poison' (I know you didn't say that, but I have heard it from people before) and for some of us it has been a godsend for our babies not starving.

 

[TCK_Runner]

I want to be proud of the 21 months I have achieved without someone becoming defensive.

There are plenty of people behind you on this, I am not quite sure what you're looking for? La Leche League has more or less institutionalized this kind of support. Maybe you should find the local group and join them? Last meeting I was at there were people breastfeeding 2-4.5 year olds.

 

[Popples1]

Good idea - if you've managed to breastfeed through PND and other difficult circumstances, you'd probably find your expertise appreciated at a breastfeeding support group. I went to a local Cherubs one and found talking to the ladies there helped me feel that it can be normal to struggle. Perhaps you could go along as someone who has 'been there, done that' to help ladies who are finding it difficult. That way you'd feel more appreciated but also be able to motivate/encourage others on a cause you obviously feel strongly about.

Also - you say people suggest you give up you mention issues you've had. Tell them to back off - your baby, your business. No one knows what is right for your little one except you. That goes the same for all the women who combi feed, EBF, exclusively pump and everything inbetween!

 

[Popples1]

But formula is also not 'poison' (I know you didn't say that, but I have heard it from people before) and for some of us it has been a godsend for our babies not starving.

Exactly.

 

[annio84]

I think OP that I can understand what you're saying. For me it's not that I want a medal for doing something which, although difficult, is something I have chosen but more that I don't want people telling me that it's not worth doing, that my baby is too old to be feeding still, or generally to have people make me feel bad/uncomfortable for feeding my baby the milk that she's meant to have.


I too have no issue with formula, but more the defensive attitudes of SOME women who formula feed who try to push their views onto me. To be honest I think it's a symptom of a wider issue that we women are all a bit judgy/competitive/afraid of being judged and honestly we should all just support each other because in the end we're all just trying to do the best for our families. I saw a thing on facebook (I think) recently that was picture of women who made opposite parenting choices being supportive of each others choices and it made a lot of sense. We mothers have a hard enough time trying to bring up our children however we choose to do it so we should all just say well done for doing your best, I respect your choice and be nice to each other.


Apologies for getting on my soapbox a bit there. Believe it or not it was a lot longer until I caught myself ranting and cut it down a bit.

 

[kittylady]

To be honest ladies I think I was having a hormonal moment because I'm pregnant and breastfeeding. But thank you for listening to my rant and for being kind about it

 

[patch2006uk]

You're absolutely allowed to feel frustrated because people aren't placing value on the same things you do. And it doesn't have to be a comment on anyone else's experiences at all.

My eldest was a pain to get breastfeeding - didn't latch for 8 days, was combi fed for that first week while I expressed round the clock and cup fed, and then when he finally latched he ripped my nipples to shreds and got screaming wind that meant he stopped sleeping and could never finish a full feed, meaning we never got more than 90 mins sleep until he was 6 months old and on solids as well. We persevered, and it's one of my proudest achievements. For people to disregard it, and assume that because I was "still" feeding at 6 months+ meant I couldn't have faced any difficulties at the start, was incredibly frustrating.

Pumping for 6 months is an incredible feat, and I take my hat off to you. I was ready to throw in the towel after just those first 8 days! Hope pregnancy treats you kindly