FTM, desperate to bf, currently supplementing, NEED ADVICE!

[Amygdala]

Hi mummies!

Our story is a bit of a long one but I'll try to give you the gist:

Baby girl is 4 days old today and bfing is NOT going well. We had an all-natural water birth but problems with a retained placenta meant that her first hours weren't as stress-free as I'd hoped. We only tried feeding after about 2 hours if I remember correctly. She only latched on and sucked for more than a few seconds once on her first day. Second day she would fall asleep whenever latched on. When the midwife saw us she suggested a trip to the hospital to see a BFing consultant. The consultant was good as well but the following stay in hospital (about 27 hours) was horrendous. We must have been seen by about 20-30 different people, some with good advice, some just plain stressing me out. Never saw the BFing consultant again, just an endless string of midwives, nursery nurses, nurses, students, and so on. That night she'd still never sucked for more than a few minutes so I agreed to supplement. They supplemented her random amounts while we were in and people being so busy meant that she'd miss feeds or be hours late. Needless to say, she lost weight, but under 8% so no worries there. She's a touch jaundiced but not to a worrying level and has a wee tongue tie although not enough to be a problem I'm told. I tried again and again to express for her but got next to nothing.
Yesterday we were home again and my milk (or rather still collostrum I think) started coming. We're currently sticking to a 3hourly feeding schedule where I'll try to put her to the breast (with very limited success), then feed her whatever EBM I have plus a 30ml top-up. I pump after every feed. I started getting 10ml yesterday morning and last night I was up to over 20 at one pumping session. But she still doesn't suck.

I'm getting desperate here. I think I know all the tricks by now and nothing helps. I'm scared of the midwives assistant visits because she's loud and not very comforting. LO gets weighed every day and I'm scared I'll get judged for not feeding her enough or worse that they think I'm sman unfit mother and take her away. I'm also concerned as we're getting only a couple of wet nappies a day and barely one poopy one. Please please tell me that all hope is not lost just yet! I feel so alone in this and at the same time hounded and judged. I just want to feed my little girl and see her thrive.

 

[shannon123]

Sorry to hear your having trouble drop the 3 hour routinebreastfed babies need to be fed on demand so put her to the breast whenever she wants it she may also be getting confused with the different latches could you top up by cup feeding I remember Lo was all over the place to begin. Have you tried just stripping down and spending the day skin to skin so she can root and find the breast. Also get the tongue tie looked at by a doc or something even though they say it wouldn't make a difference maybe it is. Anyway take baths together drop the routine and keep her close. Offer her the breast all the time and relax or try lol babies feel your stress. She will get it some babies take a while and working out how to suck a nipple when a bottle is so much easier may give her a preference you could also syringe feed with like a medicine syringe does she latch and feed x

 

[shannon123]

also it sounds like all these opinions are stressing you go with what is natural for you and your baby go to bed for a few days relax enjoy your baby and take everything in I think your best bet is to ditch the bottle so she can just get the latch I introduced a bottle early and haven't ever really got back to exclusive breastfeedin from the breast x

 

[bky]

So your baby won't suck when latched on, or wont latch on or both?
I'd start off with suck training https://www.lovingbaby.ca/parenting/breastfeeding/finger-training.php whenever you are having latching issues. I found it calmed mine down when learning to latch would stress her out.
I'm sorry you're feeling stressed over her weight. I know too well what that is like. I'd agree with all of the above advice as well.

 

[whistle]

Agree with everything here. When I was first establishing BF I'd offer him the breast at every twitch, and he seldom refused. My bubba was also very sleepy so I'd need to change his nappy and have him half naked or in a vest, and tickle his feet/stroke his face to remind him what he was there for. We started breastfeeding in slightly different circumstances, but my start was very stressful too, I tried to make a conscious effort to be as calm as possible and let him take all the time in the world to latch, which was difficult. Once I was sure he actually knew how to latch we just took the plunge one day and stopped topping up, trusting him to cry for more if he was hungry, and although that's terrifying, it was so worth doing for us

 

[special_kala]

Did they give hou a percentage for the tongue tie?

I would drop the 3 hourly feeds,baby needs to feed on demand.try taking yourself and baby to bed for 24 hours, have lots of skin t skin and have your oh wait on you hand and foot. Give lo alot of chance to get her latch perfect.

 

[summer rain]

I agree with the previous posters; also its pretty hard to tell if a tongue tie will cause a problem just by looking at it; it does sound to me like the tongue tie may be part of the issue-some tongue ties look incredibly minor but cause enough physical problems with tongue movement to put a complete end to BF, and others can look very alarming/severe but cause no problems whatsoever-is there no opportunity of getting it snipped? xx

 

[fifi-folle]

Just to give you hope. My son wouldn't latch for the first 10 days. We had so many different midwives, nursery nurses and lactation consultants forcing my boob into his mouth, it got to the point where he would scream whenever he was put to the breast. We went from ff top ups from syringe, to cup, to finally giving him the bottle after being made to feel like I was putting his health at risk.
Anyway we came home, I gave him a break from trying to bf, so pumped lots and did lots of skin to skin, wearing him in a sling, cosleeping. We eventually tried again with a nipple shield and had success. There was no looking back from there. We are now trying without the shield every now and again and he's taking it sometimes.
I just want to give you hope, you will get there, you sound like you are determined and that makes up for a lot

 

[Amygdala]

Thanks everyone! You've given me a few good ideas for things to try and renewed my confidence. I guess we'll just keep going and try our best to get her to suck. She seems happy enough at the boob so that's a plus.

 

[Amygdala]

Just came across this looking for something else and thought I'd update it, for completeness' sake.

In the end, we had nearly the same experience as Fifi-folle. Skin-to-skin and nipple shields got us breastfeeding, I managed to stop supplementing after about a week I think and got off the nipple shields after at 8 weeks old. Fed baby 1 for 13 months and couldn't have been happier we stuck with it.

It's now 2 ½ years later and baby 2 is here and we had the same problems again! More confidence this time and less stress overall but I still had one terrible midwife who stressed me out no end. Luckily, this time I had the knowledge and confidence to ask for a different midwife and refuse another hospital visit. Still ended up on nipple shields, for 11ish weeks this time I think, but we managed without top-ups. At 6 months, we're again feeding happily and without problems.

I know those original posters won't be likely to read this but even so I just wanted to say THANK YOU again. Confidence plays such a huge part in getting breastfeeding established.

 

[summer rain]

I'm still here thanks for the update xx

 

[fifi-folle]

And I pop on occasionally too! Congratulations on your achievements!
My second baby also had difficulties - a very obvious tongue tie which was snipped at 5 days. The confidence given by previous bad experience really helps! We are still BFing at almost 18 months (DS stopped feeding at 9 mo when I was 4.5mo pregnant with DD).