Fussy Baby Support

[lysh]

I love my DD, but she is definitely a fussy newborn (above average). She does not sleep for long periods, she startles easily, she is at my breast constantly (to eat and to be soothed) even though she is currently combo fed, she does not like being put down (we have tried 4 different swings, a vibrating chair, Rock-N-Play (most success with this, but not great yet), cosleeper, and 3 baby-wearing items. She will have her quiet alert moments (which I love) but often she is wiggling, crying-needing to be soothed, and gets herself overtired because she will refuse to go to sleep.

The only time I can get things done is when my DH is around or one of the grandmothers.

Everyone says this will calm down around 3 months- I am really trying to enjoy her newborn stage while it lasts (she is already getting big so quick!) but at the same time it is exhausting.

Who else? At least we can support each other and not be alone during this challenging time!

 

[LisK]

This was my baby two months ago. She is now 15 weeks and is rarely fussy. Hang in there!

 

[MLC20]

My lo was the same and I know it feels like it will ever end and you get so tired you feel like you will fall asleep standing up. The good newsis my lo is now nearly 3 mths and pretty much sleeps through the night.

I certainly used grandparent and oh when I needed a break. With night time sleeping she would and still does fall asleep in my arms, I then wait about 20 minutes until her eyelids stop fluttering, her hands are open and her breathing changes. I then transfer her into her cot place my hand on her chest gently and make long shhh sounds. At the ginning it took quite few attempts and quite often it was 1am before I got to sleep, she obviously just needed extra comfort.

During the day she sleeps in her pram while we are out walking, in the ergo or on my chest and always has done. I am confident that when she feels more secure she will make the transfer fine as she has done at night.

Don't worry too much about the cleaning do what you can when you can, it will still be there.enjo y the moment they grow up so fast. At about 10 weeks everything changed for the better with my lo, be patient and loving and it will happen.

 

[bananaz]

I'm right there with you. I love my LO but I will soooo relieved when this phase is over. Maybe someday I will romanticize about this time and miss her as a newborn but for now I'm just ready to move on to her being an older, calmer baby.

I will say that once they start smiling and cooing more it makes the fussing and screaming easier to bear. I like to think of it as getting a little glimpse of the baby I'm going to have once the colic subsides, lol

 

[LittleOnes]

Oh man ME ME ME please God lol. It is so hard. Mine cries all. The. Time. Or at least it sure feels like it. "Colic"? Nope. Witching hour? Are there 12 witching hours in a day? Teething? Yes but he is fine at night...curious.

He cries in the crib, in the vibrating seat, in the wrap, in my arms, in DH's arms, in the stroller... and it has been going on for about 7 weeks now. For the record mine is nearly 17 weeks as I type this so I thought it would be easier by now.

 

[EarthMama]

My little guy was the EXACT same way! He didn't tolerate being put in his bouncer at all until 3ish months or so. He's still a baby who loves being held but now he enjoys playing with toys and this keeps him busy enough for me to eat or do a few dishes.

What helped me was to joke about the fussy times...we would say, "looks like someone is wearing his fussy britches again!" Somehow that made the fussiness easier to handle.

 

[libbylou]

My LO was (and still is) the same way.
Our pediatrician said she was definitely a sensitive high needs baby!

She was colicky but also high needs. She was happiest when being held by me and I spent a lot of time bouncing, jiggling, rocking and nursing her to keep her relatively happy

She was starting to get better about not needing to be held all the time...and then the bugger started teething early and got super clingy again and I literally cannot put her down EVER or she will scream hysterically. Very frustrating. She spends a lot of time in my arms or in her carrier!

 

[Aphrodite]

Soooo good to know we're all in the same boat. My DS is the same, needs constant attention and I have a 19 month old too so its been so hard the last few weeks. Ive been to drs about his vomiting and theyve diagnosed ruflux and possible cows milk allergy but now Im starting to think hes just fussy, as he is identical to the babies described in this thread. Little Ones, he too is fine at night, and last night came the closest he has yet to sleeping through. He woke up once at 1am but hardly fed and settled back quickly so I think I could have got away with not feeding him. Lets keep this thread going for our sanity, I was in tears last night, DH was shouting...its all getting to us its horrible

 

[LittleOnes]

Seems I jinxed myself - not only did he fuss yesterday, but he was up every 2 and sometimes 1 hours last night! So now I have a fussy-ass baby but maybe also one who is starting his 4 month sleep regression? He has been at this crying for 8 weeks, I am reaching my breaking point!!

 

[LittleOnes]

Are your babies also terrible nappers?

 

[lysh]

As I type this LO is sleeping in my arms and I am afraid to wake her. I moved her to the Rock N Play earlier and she only lasted 10 minutes lol. I unloaded the dishwasher. Next will be trying to eat lunch!

So the past few nights I have been sleeping with her. I know there are opinions on bed sharing. I was planning on cosleeping with her in my cosleeper for the first 3-6 months (depending) but obviously she had other ideas and refuses to sleep in the cosleeper. However, by having her in my bed I have gotten SOME sleep (even though not very deep because I am constantly checking on her). She wants to BF often through the night (every 1 1/2 to 2 hours) but we basically BF sleeping down and then she drifts into sleep.
I really am not thrilled about starting this habit, but I honestly do not know if it is worth trying to 'train' her to sleep in her cosleeper at this young age. It could just be an uphill battle since, from everything I have read, she is developmentally too young to let cry. Since no other soothing technique has worked in keeping her in a separate 'bed' I honestly do not know what else to do!

Thank you to those of you who have replied and gone through this and got to the other side!!! It helps to be reminded this is temporary!

bananaz- I feel the same way you do. I want to enjoy this developmental age with her, but at the same time I find myself wanting to fast forward the clock! My fear is that with every stage there will be something I will want to "fast forward' through and then one day she will be grown up and I did not enjoy the moments. Another thing to have mommy guilt over! lol

Earthmama- Joking around is what is keeping our sanity!

libbylou- Well hopefully as the teething pain subsides you can get a break again! My DD is high needs for sure. I am lucky that she is soothable, but we spend MANY hours soothing her so she is not screaming. I really feel for those of you who cannot sooth you LOs at all. My DH has a harder time soothing her when I am trying to get some sleep because most of the time the ONLY thing that will sooth her is my breast.

Aphrodite- Yes, we should keep this thread going so we can get support through this developmental time. It is good to have a safe spot to voice frustrations. Better to get the frustration out with others who understand so we can then be better caretakers (and keep patience) with our LOs and love them through this time.

LittleOnes- Oh no, I am sorry you had a regression. I would find that with my daughter...I would feel like we would make 2 steps forward, but then we would take 4 steps back. Then again, she is not even 5 weeks old yet so I cannot really expect a pattern...I just keep hoping for a bit more a break from having to sooth/hold her constantly. My LO would cry in everything too....the only thing that soothes her is by boob, which can be exhausting because it makes it harder for me to take a break even when other caretakers are around. I have to set up my classroom for the school year (taking mat leave for 12 weeks, but still have to set up the room) and I am afraid to leave her for long because of the crying she will do without my breast being available!!!

And yes- she is a terrible napper. She does better in my arms, I have gotten an hour here and there when holding her, but if I put her down we get maybe 20-30 minutes AT THE MOST and that is VERY inconsistent as she rarely lets us put her down for more than 5-10 minutes. I did get another 10 minute block with her earlier so I could shower at least! lol

During the middle of the afternoon she tends to be awake for hours no matter what we do to try to sooth her (including BFing).

However, on a positive note, she gave me what seemed like a real smile today!!! It was the cutest thing and her whole face lit up!!!!!!

 

[MrsButterfly]

So glad you've started this thread as I'm starting to tear my hair out. My lo is very fussy, only wants to be held and recently has been crying too when held. I have bought a swing as hoped he might nap better in there but not had a great deal of joy with it. He just won't nap in the day and grabs 10mins here and there in my arms. Only great place is the car which (touch wood) always seems to work.

I'm starting to feel like I'm reaching my limit and have been snappy with DH. My little boy is my world and it makes my day when he smiles at me but the fussiness seems to be getting worse daily at the moment and I worried about how bad it will get

 

[lysh]

Mrs.Butterfly- From what I have read, the fussiness should decrease at around 3 months. I was reading Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child and the Author/Doctor talks about babies who have extreme fussiness/colic and it seems that is when things start to change. There might still be bedtime battles, but at least at around 4 months some sleep training can begin.

Believe me, I have my ups and downs EVERY day. This morning I was in tears, right now I am fine. Who knows how I will feel 20 minutes from now! lol

So I could try to eat lunch I put my DD in the Rock-N-Play. So far she has been sleeping in it for a whole 40 minutes!!!! I ate lunch and washed bottles. I feel like I should be running around cleaning now, but I am enjoying the moment (as this might not happen again for days! lol)

 

[veganmama]

gets better at 3 months? LOL i still have a fussy 6 month old baby xD

 

[LittleOnes]

gets better at 3 months? LOL i still have a fussy 6 month old baby xD

Mine is still fussy as well at 17 weeks, but the others must keep the hope alive!!

 

[aliss]

Been there

He's 2 now so we're past it. If #2 is the same, I will change a few things from the start.

#1- Bedshare from day 1 (we refused to out of fear but in hindsight, it would have been a lot easier than holding him screaming all night)
#2- Better understood awake times (which is like 45 minutes for a newborn), I would have not feared the "crutches" of swaddling, bouncing, rocking, etc. When I finally started doing that at 4 months, it started helping.

Things I did right- Shut down the world to revolve around naps, babywearing constantly, not leaving him to cry it out, asking for help or demanding it when needed!

Today, was the first day, he actually asked to go to his nap during a cartoon. So, there's a light at the tunnel. But most of all, I would have accepted from day 1 that his personality was like that, and no matter what, it wouldn't have changed. He was colicky for about 9 months and had acid reflux until 14 months.

 

[LittleOnes]

The worst thing about a fussy crying baby is you never feel like youre doing anything right.

 

[aliss]

The worst thing about a fussy crying baby is you never feel like youre doing anything right.

True. And it never helps that somebody always, without fail, says "well, they just can't cope - or they're exaggerating - or well if you just do THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS"

But truth is, you can do everything "right", but a fussy baby is a fussy baby. I found, 2 years later, that some things help but NOTHING CURES except time.

I recommend to all of you to buy Dr Sears Fussy Baby book. I loved it. It doesn't cure, it's just stories of what life is like with a fussy baby, how you're not alone, how Dr Sears himself was blindsided by his 4th and he realized all these parents weren't crazy, that these babies really did exist, lol. Very inspirational.

It also talks about how a fussy baby becomes a very active/lively toddler. Wouldn't have believed it at the time, but it's terribly true. My son is so much fun now!! But holy heck did I ever have to put in a lot of work to get there ugh!

 

[lysh]

lol...well I am still holding out hope for 3 months!

littleones....I agree....it is hard to feel competent as a parent when your baby is fussing/crying all the time. I am also constantly doubting my decisions. I probably read too much on top of listening to a million opinions.

My MIL is constantly telling me I cannot hold her all the time and I need to teach her to lay down alone and that I will teach her bad habits and be a slave to her. As if it is that easy!! Of course I would love to be able to put her down for naps/sleep but she refuses and I am not going to let my newborn cry it out! So it does not help when others make you feel like you are doing something wrong.

 

[bananaz]

Lysh - I also ended up cosleeping when my LO was your baby's age for the same reason. I hated it and slept really terribly but it was better than not sleeping at all. Thankfully as she got older I started having better luck with the rocker and was able to put her in there for longer stretches.

Today has been exceptionally awful. She slept terribly and then decided she was up for the day 3 hours earlier than usual. Since then she's been screaming pretty much nonstop except for a couple of very brief naps that I had to fight her to take. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to help for more than a moment or two. I'm so done