Fussy Baby Support

[bananaz]

Are your babies also terrible nappers?

After I went on my elimination diet my LO suddenly became a great napper and would go down easily for several 1-2 hour naps every day, but unfortunately over the past couple weeks both her daytime and nighttime sleep habits have totally deteriorated and now it's a fight to get her to stay down for more than a half hour

It's so frustrating to feel like you're making progress and then watch it all fall apart!

 

[lysh]

bananaz- is there anyone that can watch your LO for a little while so you can take a small break? I ran to the grocery store today for 40 minutes and just enjoyed getting out alone.

 

[bananaz]

bananaz- is there anyone that can watch your LO for a little while so you can take a small break? I ran to the grocery store today for 40 minutes and just enjoyed getting out alone.

Yeah, I called my mom in tears and she came over during her lunch break so I could take a shower and get out of the house for a bit. It's amazing what a little alone time can do when you feel like you're at your breaking point

 

[MrsButterfly]

We've had a particularly bad day today too. He finally took his first real nap of the day at 9pm!

I am co-sleeping which I never thought i'd do. But I need some sleep!

I'm also really fed up (and actually upset) with everyone telling me I am making a rod for my own back holding him for naps. I'm told by my in laws and even DH that I need to leave him to cry it out. He's 6weeks old for gods sake!! I'm not leaving him alone to cry. So lovely to hear you ladies in similar situations and know I'm not alone or going crazy x

 

[bananaz]

I'm also really fed up (and actually upset) with everyone telling me I am making a rod for my own back holding him for naps. I'm told by my in laws and even DH that I need to leave him to cry it out. He's 6weeks old for gods sake!! I'm not leaving him alone to cry. So lovely to hear you ladies in similar situations and know I'm not alone or going crazy x

Ugh, what is wrong with people? A 6-week-old isn't going to learn anything by "crying it out," they're just going to turn into a hysterical, overtired mess!

My philosophy for the first few months has been that you have to do whatever you have to do in order to make sure baby gets what they need, and that includes sleep. A well-rested fussy baby is hard enough to deal with, nevermind one who is missing naps! Not to mention that my LO's pediatrician said that real memory doesn't develop until after 4 months, so they don't really have the capacity to be "spoiled" before then.

 

[lysh]

bananaz- Good, it is important. My husband will watch DD from 5 or 5:30am until he cannot sooth her anymore (usually by 7:45) so I can get some sleep (even though it is tough sleeping if she is crying in the background). My MIL comes over often in the afternoons to help out so I can get laundry done etc. and my mother tries to come on the weekends to assist. I still try to get out to do grocery shopping and my MIL is going to watch DD so my DH and I can go out to dinner for my birthday. I think it is important to get breaks, especially when dealing with a fussy/colicky baby. I think the breaks help us be at least somewhat refreshed so we can be better for our LOs.

MrsButterfly- Yes, it is nice hearing we are not the only ones. I am so torn sometimes about the decisions I make, but like bananaz pointed out we have to do what we have to do to make sure our babies get what they need. I know with the whole sleeping together thing, it is not what I wanted, but if it helps her get sleep and me get sleep then it is what we have to do right now and we will deal with transitioning her out of bed when the time comes and she is better able to sleep independently. Otherwise we will just spend the evenings in tears (both her and I! lol)

 

[mnjhowell]

I was in the same situation and I can say she is MUCH better. She is 11 weeks old today. Hang in there, it will get better.
I also found some great support at www.thefussybabysite.com

 

[lysh]

Thanks mnj, I will check that site out.

Last night was not a good night- my LO was also very gassy which did not help. She finally just went back down in her Rock N Play- surprised she is staying in it. I was lucky if I got an hour and a half of consecutive sleep, I was more into 1 hour increments between nursing, changing diapers, and trying to calm her while she fussed due to gas. My DH took her at 5:20 this morning like he normally does so I could get some rest. He use to be able to sooth her for at least 3 hours. That is dwindling away. She started screaming at around 6, DH changed her and gave her a bottle. Then she started in again after 7 and would not stop until she was on my boobs. Then to top it off, I am trying to increase my milk supply and wean off formula, so as planned out by my LC, I am pumping while nursing at our 5 am session (before giving her to DH) and then when she wants to nurse again (use to be around 8, but that keeps getting sooner and sooner). It is fun trying to nurse her on one boob while pumping the other. Then when she is done nursing on the second boob and I am trying to pump, she is fussing...so I am trying to hold the pump and handle her. Sometimes I wonder if the stress is worth it!!! lol How was everyone else's day/evening?

I am going to mention a positive though, because I think it is important not to just focus on all the negative fussiness......not only is she STILL in her Rock N Play, but her little faces that she makes while sleeping are priceless...she will smile a lot, wrinkle her forehead, etc.

 

[LittleOnes]

Pumping and holding LO is so hard!! I admire you. I now pump after he's asleep, just once a day to build freezer supply, because the first time I tried to pump one side with DS nursing on the other I almost had a mental breakdown

Last night was eh for us, got a 5 hour stretch from 7:30-12:30 and then he was up pretty much every hour. Once he especially seemed just to want to comfort nurse and wouldn't take his pacifier so we did that.

BUT today seems better so far - he was happy this morning sitting and laying on my lap while I entertained him with some songs, and hes now down for a morning nap. Here's to a good morning nap to set up the rest of the day!

 

[lysh]

Littleones- I am so glad you at least got a 5 hour stretch!!!! Haha...well, I will hold out hope for you that your LO gets another nap in. My DD usually has a decent afternoon nap- I am having some visitors today though so I will probably be entertaining while she naps. I keep trying to spread out visitors because when she finally does nap it is like golden time for me to either try to rest myself (rarely happens) or get some chores done. And once that afternoon nap is done, it is up in the air if I will get another chance.

Everyone says not to worry about the house and laundry, but I can only let so much go. Someone needs to do laundry and the kitchen/bathrooms have to stay clean and sanitized. I also try to keep the floors clean too...I do not want to walk on gross dirty floors. It is already disorganized enough since there are still many unfinished construction projects going on. As it is, I have not even had a chance to organize my own bedroom which my DH finally finished 2 days before LO was born (we purchased a house that needed a lot of work). I have to keep my sanity somehow!

Anyway, I am rambling. Baby girl woke up and is nursing, so we shall see how the day goes!

 

[MrsButterfly]

I was in the same situation and I can say she is MUCH better. She is 11 weeks old today. Hang in there, it will get better.
I also found some great support at www.thefussybabysite.com

Love this site. Sent link to DH so he understands how I'm feeling.

We had a truly awful morning - baby and me in tears But been out all afternoon at a friends house and he's been good as gold! Typical as everyone then thinks I'm being dramatic when I say how hard it's been. But, still, I've Enjoyed the peace this afternoon

How's everyone else's days been?

 

[macattack]

i love this thread! makes me feel better to know that not everyone is in newborn bliss like i'm "Supposed" to be... i'm 11 weeks into this now and it is one of the hardest things i've ever done!! im holding desperately to the magic "3 months" but it's getting closer and things are only marginally better.. one of the hardest things is dealing with other peoples expectations.. the same people always ask me "how's it going?" and i honestly tell them that its not good.. and then they seem all disappointed in me.. and say "but its getting a bit better right?" ugh so frusturating.. no it's not getting better and if you need to hear that then stop freaking asking me!! and i also get "oh things will get easier as you get more experienced" like cause im a first time mom i am just freaking out when my baby cries for 10 mins or something... she cries for HOURS very very angrily and it breaks my heart.. i usually get these types of conversations from judgmental people who have had easy babies and think that i just can't handle a baby or that i'm exagerrating.. i try not to let it bother me but as you can see it does.. i have completely shut my life down- i can't do any cleaning because i am ALWAYS holding her (which i don't mind so much as the screaming).. and i don't like to be around other people because i don't know when a screaming fit will occur and if i'll be able to stop it.. also when she's sleeping it needs to be very quiet and other people just don't get it and wake her up (after i've spent half an hour bouncing on an exercise ball, singing at the top of my lungs, with a hairdryer blasting to get her to sleep!!) anyway i guess things are getting a little better but we are still pretty far from where i imagined we would be... i love her to pieces though! thanks for letting me rant and the fussybabysite is awesome!

 

[lysh]

MrsButterfly- It is funny you say that, I had friends over this afternoon and she was quiet and sweet. lol However, she was not happy if we put her down!

My day went okay, just exhausting. We had our one month appointment today and I guess I was hoping our pediatrician would have had better advice. Pretty much we have to do what we have to do for her. I asked about her constant need to be at my breast and how exhausting it is for me and he said that I might just not have a large quantity of milk at any given time and that she might just need to eat ever hour to hour and a half. And this is even with supplementing with formula! I just feel like I cannot even get a break in the mornings anymore when my DH would watch her because she is starting to scream for breast and refusing the bottle. So just feeling a bit overwhelmed. My 3 close friends are exclusively FFing because of the stress of BFing. I just feel way to guilty to give it up completely and I am currently trying to wean off of formula.

macattack- welcome! I do feel like others judge more harshly. It is easy to be judgmental when not in our shoes. Our babies are who they are regardless of what we do! I mean come on, of course if there was a 'magic bullet' we would use it and not have to deal with the fussiness and crying!

I have enjoyed the fussybaby website too!

 

[LittleOnes]

We had more smiles and laughing than usual today, in spite of barely-there naps. Hope others had a sane day

 

[bananaz]

mnjhowell - I love that website. I wrote them an email when my LO's colic first started and sometimes I go back and read it to remind myself that things really have improved since then. Have you guys read the "High Need Babies" page? It's crazy how perfectly it describes my girl, from the frequent feedings to not being able to put her down.

LittleOnes - it sounds like your baby's sleep patterns are pretty similar to my LO's, with a 5-hour stretch and then up every hour or so. I do appreciate the 5 hours but I always end up having stuff to do for the first couple hours since I've been holding her all day so it ends up being more like 3 hours, and then being up and down the rest of the night and trying to fight her back to sleep is exhausting!

Anyway, my girl has actually been in a shockingly good mood today, and I think that's largely due to the dose of Benadryl I gave her before bed last night. She has eczema and bad nasal congestion so her pediatrician told me a while ago that I could give her some Benadryl at bedtime to help make her comfortable. I was too nervous to try it before, but after how terrible yesterday was and how itchy she's seemed I knew that she really could use some relief (and sleep) so I went ahead and gave her half the dose the doctor had suggested, and lo and behold she slept for 7.5 hours, woke for a feed, and then was down for another 2 hours. When she woke up she was all smiles and I even managed to put her down on her playmat for 30 minutes(?!) before she started fussing. Crazy! She did have about an hour of screaming/fussing this afternoon but I still managed to get her down for a nap.

At this point I know better than to think that we've turned a corner or something, but I definitely do appreciate these calm days!

 

[lysh]

littleones and bananaz- glad you both had better days! My girl was a little calmer too, but still high maintenance! lol We are starting to wind down for the day and this is when it gets even more interesting.

I have a question- Who breastfeeds here? I currently FF and BF but have been trying to EBF with the help of an LC. There are times I want to throw my hands in the air and say forget it- the stress of being a first time mom with a fussy baby is enough. But then there is that side of me that wants to do what is best for her so I have yet to give up. Am I crazy for continuing to pressure myself to EBF with a fussy baby??? Then again, formula tends to make her gassy which equals extra fussiness. I cannot even get a nice break anymore because she starts screaming her head off for breast- my DH would at least take her for 3 hours so I could get sleep in the mornings. Now she can barely stand an hour and a half and that is with crying and my DH constantly trying to sooth her. I need encouragement!

 

[bananaz]

I have a question- Who breastfeeds here? I currently FF and BF but have been trying to EBF with the help of an LC. There are times I want to throw my hands in the air and say forget it- the stress of being a first time mom with a fussy baby is enough. But then there is that side of me that wants to do what is best for her so I have yet to give up. Am I crazy for continuing to pressure myself to EBF with a fussy baby??? Then again, formula tends to make her gassy which equals extra fussiness. I cannot even get a nice break anymore because she starts screaming her head off for breast- my DH would at least take her for 3 hours so I could get sleep in the mornings. Now she can barely stand an hour and a half and that is with crying and my DH constantly trying to sooth her. I need encouragement!

I'm EBFing. It's been a challenge but I know that with how sensitive her belly is putting her on formula would probably just make her more gassy and miserable.

Have you considered pumping and letting your DH give her bottles of breast milk occasionally? That could be a nice compromise for you. If I could get my LO to take a bottle that's definitely what I'd be doing.

In other news, I spoke too soon - she's been screaming nonstop since she got up from her nap. At least we had a nice morning

 

[LittleOnes]

I also EBF, it is admirable that you want to go down that path after having been down another! Truthfully the great thing about EBFing a fussy baby is when NOTHING else works, latching him on often gets about 8-10 minutes of peace. Actually in the last week I have taken to keeping him on longer during the day even though he's just sucking at nothing really - but it gives me a chance to have a (pre-prepared) snack or chug a glass of water. The downside to EBFing a FussyPants is you're (at least I am) constantly asking if something you're eating is causing him to be so inconsolable

Bananaz so true - 5 hours sounds great but when it's from 7-12 and you go to sleep between 10-11, after having relaxed, eaten, dishes, maybe pumped, taken the dog out....you're asleep an hour before he's up again.

After a good day we had a painful bedtime routine, as it often ends up being every night. It's as if he is just so tired after having crappy short naps that he can't even stand for me to put on a night diaper, his PJs, and rub his belly a little. I start to dread bedtime and the routine, and the hour of off and on resettling that can follow. Then again I look forward to it because when he finally IS asleep its SWEET FREEDOM.

Oh and mnjhowell - that site is AMAZING! Just reading some of the posts made me feel so much better. She explains the situation(s) so well.

 

[lysh]

bananaz- Currently my DH gives her a bottle of formula during my morning 'break' lol. If you call it that these days. With the guidance of my LC, I am pumping now twice in the morning to get my supply up so that we can substitute that bottle of formula with my breast milk. Then from there we are going to try to eliminate the rest of the formula I top her off with during the day. That is also a motivator to not going full time formula- my LO has more gas when she gets formula and is more miserable.

littleones- It is true, sometimes the ONLY thing that comes my DD is sucking at my breasts (even if they are empty too!!!! lol) She will refuse the paci, but happily suck at my breasts. This just has to end before I have to go back to work, but that is not for another 3 1/2 months.

Bedtime is rough. Right now, since LO is still young, she is unpredictable with her sleeping pattern. She fell asleep at 7:30 and it is now 8:40. She has been sleeping in my DHs arms. I wish she would do this in the morning when it is my time to sleep!!!! lol Instead I ran around and got the bed ready, her back up bottle if I need it, my pump ready to go for the AM, bottles cleaned, dishes cleaned, and bath ready for when she wakes up. We have begun a bedtime routine as well (even if the time changes due to her unpredictability) just so she is getting use to something.

I wish you all luck this evening!

 

[Aphrodite]

I ebf but occasionally hell have a bottle, for example I'm at my mums and will go to bed for the afternoon and haven't got any expressed. I find it ok, but if I struggle at any point I wouldn't hesitate to give him a bottle.
Little ones, I too kept thinking it was something I was eating too. He has lots of wind and gas and is so uncomfortable I'm sure it's that now. Iv got some. Gripe water which does actually seem to be helping somewhat touch wood!x