Gender disappointment support thread!

[sunshine20]

As I've been reading on here, a lot of women are suffering with gender disappointment and don't know where to turn. I'm sick of women posting for advice only to have someone jump down their throat about how they should "get over it" here is a judgement free zone to talk about your feelings and know you ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

Gender disappointment is real, common and often untalked about due to fear of being judged, so please keep your negative comments to yourself..Anyone with any negative views on this subject is more than welcome to click the big red x on the top right corner. You are NOT welcome here. We are real women, with a right to have support from others going through the same thing we are.

 

[Babyfever24]

Thank you for starting this thread. I have been having a lot of dissapointment the last two weeks after finding out im having a boy. Im trying to make myself excited about it and some support would be great

 

[sunshine20]

I feel like so many people see this subject as taboo and don't talk about it. When I first "had a feeling" we were having a boy, I started googling random phrases and came across an article on gender disappointment and suddenly I had a name for what I was going through. I feel horrible whenever I see someone post about it and people come down on them. Just because we don't talk about it, doesn't mean it isn't as common as it really is. I really feel like with support from others who have either been through this or are going through it, we can help each other get over our disappointment and enjoy our pregnancies!!!

 

[pixeldust]

I'm coming out the other side, but I'd like to offer hope to people - it can be overcome.

I struggled, and still do, with horrid comments from my family, especially my mother, about how disappointed THEY are in me having a boy. It's now at the point where I will be advising my mother that she will have nothing to do with this baby if she doesn't keep her mouth shut. Her comments both hurt me, and will hurt my son if she keeps it up, I have no place in his life for someone who will treat him as unwanted.

Things have gotten easier since I started focussing on making things perfect for this baby. I spend hours looking for the perfect item for his bedroom, the perfect (COOL, not baby blue, no trucks or train appliques in sight) item of clothing, looking at baby names constantly. I will accept nothing short of perfection for his baby as he will be my last, to the point where I am advising people if they are not capable of steering clear of baby blue and tacky boy clothes then they will be donated to the Womens Refuge. It may sound rude, but this is my baby, and I'm not going to let anyone else decide how things are going to be

 

[Lliena]

I have two girls and im hoping that this baby is going to be a boy, if it's another girl I know I will be dissapointed but I also know I will get over it too, which I think is what is keeping me going at the minute. We have a private gender scan booked for Monday as I feel so strongly that I need to know this time I couldn't wait untill my 20 week scan. My husband said it doesn't affect him so much as he is just thankful he found some to love and ahve his children But I know he would like a boy too if it was possible, however if it is a girl he won't be as dissappointed as me.

 

[MiaSamEveBUB]

I wanted a boy and I got a girl with Evelyn. was not happy

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

SO glad I've found this thread. This is my 5th (and final attempt) to TTC a little girl. I have 4 beautiful girls but this is my last chance and I'm feeling the pressure xx

 

[MiaSamEveBUB]

SO glad I've found this thread. This is my 5th (and final attempt) to TTC a little girl. I have 4 beautiful girls but this is my last chance and I'm feeling the pressure xx

I have just read ur siggy and it said you were a Mum of 4 Boys. But in your post it said u have 4 beautiful girls. Do u have 4 boys or 4 girls??

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

LOL, obviously a typo, I have 4 boys and trying for a girl x

 

[flutterbaby]

I also have 4 boys and oh i'm glad someone has made this thread it appears this place has a zone for everything baby related except for this I often go to a site called gender dreaming as they understand me better there and don't frown on gd infact try to help you through it

I feel that bad with gd with this one and i don't even know what it is (also common )Ive not booked any antinatal app's but rather a private scan so i can know first what it is so i can enjoy it or at least when i tell people i'm preg i can say oh and its a boy leave your negative comments in your mouth i'll only be taking congatulations here thanks

on a brighter note when i had my 4th son the sun wasn't shining for me them major gd while preg but when he came I must say he is my ray of sunshine my lovely baby blue while i was preg all i could think is what again but it passes and i know this gd will 2 if it is a boy

 

[Kirei]

Thanks for starting this thread, I don't know if I'm allowed here because I've been told I'm having a girl (although they said keep receipts for pink clothes - I haven't). I have wanted a girl SO badly, and had a really hard time TTC, eventually having IVF. I have always felt I wouldn't be able to bond with a boy and just get along much better with girl babies. I am still TERRIFIED the scan might have been wrong though, and I feel awful that I might cry or be upset if I give birth to a boy. Of COURSE I would love him but I'd feel disappointed and I feel so guilty about that. I tried to talk to a close family member about it who is also pregnant (but too early to know the sex). She said she just wants a healthy baby and I should too, and I was being ungrateful, and that I of all people should just be grateful to have a healthy baby, and not care if it was a boy or a girl. I felt worse than ever after talking to her, I think I really upset her but I was just looking for some support
I hope someone on here can sympathise? I wouldn't love my baby any less but I've gotten used to having a girl and I'm sure I'd feel like my baby had been swapped with a different baby if she turned out to be a boy, and I think I'd take a while to get used to it. Nobody understands it and the few people I've talked to hoping for support think I'm selfish.

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Congratulations on your pink bundle. I completely understand how you feel, its difficult for others to understand and it can be a very complex frame of mind. I'm sure your scan are correct, enjoy your pregnancy and try to relax. Maybe get a private scan for another opinion? xx

 

[Kirei]

Cosmicgirl, thanks so much for your post, it's nice just being told someone understands. I really hope you get the pink bump you're hoping for too *hugs*

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Thankyou hunnie, so do I, this really is my last chance. Its difficult because I cannot accept that I wont have a little girl yet I don't think that I will get a little girl iykwim.
I can hope and pray xxx

 

[MrsMystery]

Thanks for starting this thread. I just came back from my 20-week scan and feel like an awful person.

I am THRILLED that I am carrying a beautiful, healthy baby. BUT I'm somewhere between shock and disappointment about the sex of the baby. I'm quite the opposite of most women (I think) who experience this feeling of GD.

I was convinced, by my instincts and old wives' tales, lack of symptoms and amazing experience of an easy, sickness-free pregnancy, etc...that I am carrying a little boy. I've always seen myself with a son, at least as my first born. We have only managed to pick boys names, I've always been drawn to boys clothes and boy stuff. I always catch myself referring to baby as "he", etc.

Today, the sonographer said she's about 70% sure it's a girl. I don't know if I should take stock in this as she wasn't very convincingly sure but 70% seems pretty sure. I mean, if someone tells you there's a 70% chance of rain tomorrow, you'll take your umbrella, right?

But what about my instincts? Can they be SO off? And how do I overcome this GD? I guess part of my disappointment stems from me not having much of a great relationship with my own mom, and have never felt truly connected to any little girls I know, like my nieces (though I do LOVE them with every inch of my being) for example.

I feel terrible that I feel this way. I AM happy that baby is healthy and I AM happy that I am one of the luckiest women in the world to be pregnant. But I just can't help this feeling. Hubby knows I'm a little disappointed but thankfully he's not home to see me sobbing over it. And I don't want him to know how deeply this has affected me. The tears are moreso over the fact that I feel like an awful mom-to-be that I should have known (where the heck are those maternal instincts?!) and from the guilt of feeling like this...like it makes me a bad person to be disappointed.

Thanks for listening...any advice? I know the clothes are cuter and we can do all the girly things together etc...but I just can't seem to get excited over it. Help?

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Don't beat yourself up over it hun, you can't help what you feel.
You are not/will not be a bad mother. Everyone is allowed feelings of disappointment when you want something so much to discover its not to be xx

 

[MiaSamEveBUB]

Hi girls, as some have may read: I have lossed my baby at 14 weeks Good luck to all

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

So sorry to hear that x

 

[AliTriggs]

Hi,

I hope that someone on here can help me. I am a Dad to be in June 2011. My wife and I had our 20 week scan today and we had decided to find out the sex. I know she really wanted a girl as she has 2 sons (9 and 4) from a previous relationship, who I am a very proud to be a step dad to. I also have a step daughter (5) from my first marriage but she only stays every other weekend with us. My wife is having a really bad pregnancy, with sickness, IBS, tiredness - unlike her previous two which she breezed through apparently. Several 'psychics' had told her she is having a girl. Her friends and family all believed she was having a girl and I know she was desperate to have that mother-daughter bond.

During the scan my wife broke down in tears on finding out it is a boy. She could not look at the scan anymore, and she still has not seen the actual pics. The baby is perfectly healthy but she says she does not want it anymore and regrets getting pregnant. She is continually crying about it, thinks she is a terrible person for feeling like this and is worried she will not love the baby.

My wife is the most amazing person I have ever met and this is totally unlike her. It breaks my heart that she does not want our baby anymore. I have tried calling the midwife, but they just referred me to our GP.

We are 34 and 37 years old and as we will now have 4 kids, this will have to be our last baby. Has anyone had a similar experience? Can anyone recommend a way to help my wife? I cant help thinking of all the mothers who have lost a baby, or whose baby is ill or who cannot conceive. I can only say that in the context of our current situation, my wife is ill and needs help coming to terms with this. I dont think she ever envisaged reacting like this. Thank you in advance for any help. x

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Sorry to hear that your wife is upset. I know the pressure that the "last baby" can bring. When you have dreamt and wished for a little girl and you find out that your last chance is not as you would want then it can be extremely disappointing. I am sure that she will be just fine once baby is born, it is hard to accept that you are never going to have the daughter you always dreamt of xx