Gender disappointment support thread!

[mommysbaby]

Thanks for starting this thread. I just came back from my 20-week scan and feel like an awful person.


I was convinced, by my instincts and old wives' tales, lack of symptoms and amazing experience of an easy, sickness-free pregnancy, etc...that I am carrying a little boy. I've always seen myself with a son, at least as my first born. We have only managed to pick boys names, I've always been drawn to boys clothes and boy stuff. I always catch myself referring to baby as "he", etc.
I feel terrible that I feel this way.

Today I am exactly at ur possition, dear. Yesterday found out I am getting a girl. Had no terrible sickness n all. So thought it's a boy, though it would have been the second son still wanted him soooo badly.
But after visiting this thread feeling a lot better taht I am not alone or a terrible mom.

 

[beth_terri]

Brilliant thread!! Ill be finding out in 3 weeks time and im really scared theyre going to tell me its another boy!! I dont know why im scared because when we planned this pregnancy I had this image of 2 sons playing in the garden together. Ive struggled with sickness to the point that ive wished I never got pregnant but then this feeling that I may be having a girl pulled me through. So the thought that actually its very likely to be a boy is terrifying!! I know Ill live the baby no matter what but I cant stop these feelings! Im finding out so that I can prepare myself if it turns out to be a boy
xx

 

[sunshine20]

Fears were confirmed today. It's a boy. I wish I could be happy about it, or ATLEAST pretend to be happy about it but I can't. I was able to keep it together until we got to the store to buy more baby clothes and absolutely lost it when I saw the pink cupcake and zebra print onesies. OH can't understand it, neither can anyone else.mOHs nasty friend said "oh I bet she's disappointed, oh well." when he told her we were having a boy. I couldn't even post a Facebook update so now everyone is in the dark about what were having. I still can't say he. Still call the baby "the baby" just typing this is making me tear up again. I feel like all of my dreams are down the drain. I know nothing about boys, I've never wanted a boy. I feel like a shitty mother for feeling this way. I know it's not "normal" but I still can't change the way I feel. When I started this thread it was when I was told at my 12 week it was maybe 70% a boy so there was still that possibility of it being a girl but I think I knew deep down it wasnt going to be a girl. I thought by now I would have been prepared to accept that it was in fact a boy and be okay with it but I'm not. I've gone from telling OH we should have never tried for a baby to telling him I'll just give him full custody and he can take the baby and leave. I hate this.

 

[LilMissHappy]

iv booked an early gender scan in 2 weeks time and im praying for a little girl. if it is a boy then we will love him all the same but i would be lying if i said i had no preference. it is a funny feeling. i was so excited when i booked my scan yesterday but last night i kept having dreams its a boy then i couldnt get to sleep!!! i just want to know now so i can get my head round it and start getting organised. but people dont understand so to the outside world i am playing the " as long is its healthy we arent bothered" but hubby said he wants a little girl too!!! wait and see what we get. but nice to have support on here from people who feel the same. xxx

 

[lisab1986]

Fears were confirmed today. It's a boy. I wish I could be happy about it, or ATLEAST pretend to be happy about it but I can't. I was able to keep it together until we got to the store to buy more baby clothes and absolutely lost it when I saw the pink cupcake and zebra print onesies. OH can't understand it, neither can anyone else.mOHs nasty friend said "oh I bet she's disappointed, oh well." when he told her we were having a boy. I couldn't even post a Facebook update so now everyone is in the dark about what were having. I still can't say he. Still call the baby "the baby" just typing this is making me tear up again. I feel like all of my dreams are down the drain. I know nothing about boys, I've never wanted a boy. I feel like a shitty mother for feeling this way. I know it's not "normal" but I still can't change the way I feel. When I started this thread it was when I was told at my 12 week it was maybe 70% a boy so there was still that possibility of it being a girl but I think I knew deep down it wasnt going to be a girl. I thought by now I would have been prepared to accept that it was in fact a boy and be okay with it but I'm not. I've gone from telling OH we should have never tried for a baby to telling him I'll just give him full custody and he can take the baby and leave. I hate this.

I wasnt going to post...i have no understanding of gender dissapointment, being pregnant with my thrid son im totally beside myself with happiness that i will have another bab boy.
After reading the highlighted comment i couldnt not comment..honestly i think you need to see a doctor, theres gender dissapointment but thats seriously extreme and your baby doesnt deserve that

 

[AngelofTroy]

Fears were confirmed today. It's a boy. I wish I could be happy about it, or ATLEAST pretend to be happy about it but I can't. I was able to keep it together until we got to the store to buy more baby clothes and absolutely lost it when I saw the pink cupcake and zebra print onesies. OH can't understand it, neither can anyone else.mOHs nasty friend said "oh I bet she's disappointed, oh well." when he told her we were having a boy. I couldn't even post a Facebook update so now everyone is in the dark about what were having. I still can't say he. Still call the baby "the baby" just typing this is making me tear up again. I feel like all of my dreams are down the drain. I know nothing about boys, I've never wanted a boy. I feel like a shitty mother for feeling this way. I know it's not "normal" but I still can't change the way I feel. When I started this thread it was when I was told at my 12 week it was maybe 70% a boy so there was still that possibility of it being a girl but I think I knew deep down it wasnt going to be a girl. I thought by now I would have been prepared to accept that it was in fact a boy and be okay with it but I'm not. I've gone from telling OH we should have never tried for a baby to telling him I'll just give him full custody and he can take the baby and leave. I hate this.

I wasnt going to post...i have no understanding of gender dissapointment, being pregnant with my thrid son im totally beside myself with happiness that i will have another bab boy.
After reading the highlighted comment i couldnt not comment..honestly i think you need to see a doctor, theres gender dissapointment but thats seriously extreme and your baby doesnt deserve that

Agreed. Maybe you have some form of depression or underlying reason for not wanting a boy?

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Fears were confirmed today. It's a boy. I wish I could be happy about it, or ATLEAST pretend to be happy about it but I can't. I was able to keep it together until we got to the store to buy more baby clothes and absolutely lost it when I saw the pink cupcake and zebra print onesies. OH can't understand it, neither can anyone else.mOHs nasty friend said "oh I bet she's disappointed, oh well." when he told her we were having a boy. I couldn't even post a Facebook update so now everyone is in the dark about what were having. I still can't say he. Still call the baby "the baby" just typing this is making me tear up again. I feel like all of my dreams are down the drain. I know nothing about boys, I've never wanted a boy. I feel like a shitty mother for feeling this way. I know it's not "normal" but I still can't change the way I feel. When I started this thread it was when I was told at my 12 week it was maybe 70% a boy so there was still that possibility of it being a girl but I think I knew deep down it wasnt going to be a girl. I thought by now I would have been prepared to accept that it was in fact a boy and be okay with it but I'm not. I've gone from telling OH we should have never tried for a baby to telling him I'll just give him full custody and he can take the baby and leave. I hate this.

Hey hunnie
I know exactly how you are feeling, I've been there (4 times!!)
The disappointment can be crippling, especially after you have waited in anticipation for your dream to come true.
Please dont feel like a 'shitty' mother, you are not and will not be, even mums are allowed to be disappointed, its human.
Believe me that you will find acceptance and your heart will welcome your little boy. I told my OH all of those things (and I meant them too in the heat of the moment) but as time passes and when your lo arrives, your heart will melt, believe me xxx

 

[maisie78]

I just wanted to post and offer some sympathy for you on this thread. I can only imagine how awful this must make you feel. Please don't feel you are bad mothers. I have a preference for a girl but will welcome a boy with all my heart. The disappointment in our family with come from my mother. She's already said ".....as long as it's a girl!" more times than I can count. She pretends that she's joking but I know she'll be disappointed with a boy (my sister already has 2 boys). It's not a huge deal I guess as I live about 250 miles away so it's not like I see her every week or anything but I really want her to welcome my 1st baby no matter what he/she is. I suppose we'll just have to see.

 

[pixeldust]

I wrote a blog post today about gender disappointment if anyone is interested in reading it... I think I managed to get out what I was trying to say, I hope so anyway.

https://regulareverydaymother.wordp...er-disappointment-and-team-pink-vs-team-blue/

 

[Scuba]

I understand this.. I was desperate for a girl first time around and was absolutely blessed in that I did get my beautiful little princess, this time around I'd love another girl that would be my preference but I don't think I'd be so devastated if he turns out to be a boy.. I think deep down that thats what this one is going to be - I do tend to think of it as he.. We'll def be finding out the sex so either way, we can prepare for the new addition.
I hope you all feel better about your gorgeous little ones to be soon xx

 

[Bats11]

I know this thread is for gender disappointment, but i just had to post.

Im now pregnant with my 3rd daughter & ive had a few comments about 'my 3rd not being a boy' i understand how human nature likes balance! Well nature has its way of balancing just fine, some of us get all girls, some of us get all boys & some of us get a mix.

They are our children just because one leaves the hospital with a pink bow on her head or the other leaves the hospital with a blue outfit really makes no difference, its the way we raise them that makes all the difference.

Gender dissappointment is real i understand that, but its got to have come from somewhere while you were growing up, maybe your relationship with your parents or you worry what other people think, but i really hope women who have GD are able to get counceling before their baby is born to try to understand where & why you are experiencing these feelings.

Im having 3 girls & believe me i wouldnt have it any other way, they have chosen me & my husband to be their parents & we are so grateful.

I hope mothers with GD find peace & happiness within themselves, so you can show your new baby boy or baby girl the reason why you were chosen xx

 

[lisab1986]

I know this thread is for gender disappointment, but i just had to post.

Im now pregnant with my 3rd daughter & ive had a few comments about 'my 3rd not being a boy' i understand how human nature likes balance! Well nature has its way of balancing just fine, some of us get all girls, some of us get all boys & some of us get a mix.

They are our children just because one leaves the hospital with a pink bow on her head or the other leaves the hospital with a blue outfit really makes no difference, its the way we raise them that makes all the difference.

Gender dissappointment is real i understand that, but its got to have come from somewhere while you were growing up, maybe your relationship with your parents or you worry what other people think, but i really hope women who have GD are able to get counceling before their baby is born to try to understand where & why you are experiencing these feelings.

Im having 3 girls & believe me i wouldnt have it any other way, they have chosen me & my husband to be their parents & we are so grateful.

I hope mothers with GD find peace & happiness within themselves, so you can show your new baby boy or baby girl the reason why you were chosen xx

What a lovely post..im having my third boy and feel exactly the same! Just feel so blessed to have three healthy little boys

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Just dropping in to five some support to my fellow GD ladies. I'm now 7 weeks and praying evert day for a pink bundle. Less than 10 weeks until I find out and I'm already anxious.
I'm not in need of any counselling, I had a wonderful childhood, I just want a baby girl, that's it.
Good luck ladies, I know how hard it is to live with GD, no one understands until they have walked a day in your shoes

 

[Rachiebaby24]

I used to be a very active member on this site. My second daughter was born nearly two years ago and at the time, although I did have some support, I came across alot of negative comments. I have two girls and to be honest, I never wanted girls at all and always have wanted a boy. Although obviously I would not change my girls and love the bones of them, I cant help wanting a boy still. I cried at both my scans (hate that I did but couldnt help it). It actually horrible feeling like this. I love my girls so much and in a way im glad i dont get to choose as I wouldnt have them as I would have chosen a boy but even now I am not pregnant I still feel gutted when someone is pregnant with a boy or having a boy. At the moment I do not want any more children but we may have one last shot in a few years. Even that fills me with dread as I dont want to go through the disappointment and feelings if I were to have another girl (although I know I will love her just as much as my other two).

Its good this group is here as I have to justify it all the time especially on facebook!

 

[Rachiebaby24]

Just dropping in to five some support to my fellow GD ladies. I'm now 7 weeks and praying evert day for a pink bundle. Less than 10 weeks until I find out and I'm already anxious.
I'm not in need of any counselling, I had a wonderful childhood, I just want a baby girl, that's it.
Good luck ladies, I know how hard it is to live with GD, no one understands until they have walked a day in your shoes

I agree. I have sisters and brothers and I just have also wanted a boy. No underlying issues.

 

[Rachiebaby24]

I know this thread is for gender disappointment, but i just had to post.

Im now pregnant with my 3rd daughter & ive had a few comments about 'my 3rd not being a boy' i understand how human nature likes balance! Well nature has its way of balancing just fine, some of us get all girls, some of us get all boys & some of us get a mix.

They are our children just because one leaves the hospital with a pink bow on her head or the other leaves the hospital with a blue outfit really makes no difference, its the way we raise them that makes all the difference.

Gender dissappointment is real i understand that, but its got to have come from somewhere while you were growing up, maybe your relationship with your parents or you worry what other people think, but i really hope women who have GD are able to get counceling before their baby is born to try to understand where & why you are experiencing these feelings.

Im having 3 girls & believe me i wouldnt have it any other way, they have chosen me & my husband to be their parents & we are so grateful.

I hope mothers with GD find peace & happiness within themselves, so you can show your new baby boy or baby girl the reason why you were chosen xx

Your comment on bold is the kind of comments that we find upsetting, well i do.

I do show my girls why i was chosen and i am grateful for my child. That isnt the issue. We are not disappointed in our baby. We are disappointed in the Gender. If you cant imagine feeling disappointment then you cant really say a comment like that.

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

Agree, I don't think people should comment on this thread unless it's supportive. This is a support thread. We don't need to be told how much you love your boy/girls and wouldn't want it any other way - we love our children, that shows lack of understanding of GD.
We also don't need to be told we need counselling our there must have been a problem in our childhood - again, a lack of understanding of GD.
Please only comment with support, this is a non judgemental thread for ladies like me to post without judgement. Thanks

 

[mandwrx]

Leading up to our scan, I was very worried about finding out the gender, was secretly hoping bub would not cooperate.

With 3 girls between us, OH would have loved a son and all the family were talking like it would be a boy and we have all said 'he' all along. I like the idea of another little girl but knew there would be disappointment from a lot of people if it was.

So we had our scan yesterday and sure enough .. Girl!

I thought I would be fine either way but find myself feeling sad ever since we left the scan. I feel sad for my OH that his dream of a son is not happening and I even feel responsible for not being able to give him a son and even apologised to him (crazy I know) I feel like my entire pregnancy has been a big build up to gender scan day and the excitement about it being a boy grew and grew as the time got closer. Now there is this sense of deflation, that the excitement is over and it's just another girl and everyone has lost interest now.

I am so relieved that our baby is healthy and strong and a good size but I feel really silly for all these months spent saying 'he' and OH referring to his son. I have this fear that OH will pull away and be less interested now.

Thank goodness there is a thread like this where I can get these thoughts out of my head in a non-judgemental environment. I never imagined I would feel like this, I thought I would be happy either way so to have these mixed emotions going on is very strange and confusing and you really don't know what it's like unless you've gone through it.

Thanks.

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

I completely understand how you are feeling mand
It's difficult dealing with disappointment xx

 

[Bats11]

I didnt mean to upset anyone & I apologise if I have.

I feel my comment was being supportive but you are entitled to judge for yourself, I dont walk this earth judging anybody.