Gender disappointment?

[ChocLover]

Thanks to the Harmony test we found out gender at just 12 and a half weeks. I truly truly thought I had no preference but we found out its a boy and I think I may be disappointed? Which is so weird.

Maybe it's cause we spend the last 5 plus years talking about a future baby as if it would be a girl? Maybe it just takes some getting used to?

Also what matters is he is low risk for all the downs and chromosomal issues - less than 1 in 10,000 which is great.

It's just a weird feeling :S

 

[ChocLover]

Maybe I'd feel the same if it was a girl? Maybe the problem is just knowing one way or another.. There's a sense of loss for the gender it's not? (This is our first).

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

I'd give yourself some time to come to terms with the fact that you're having a boy. I know I was a little disappointed when I found out I was having a boy, but at the same time thrilled. Granted I really wanted a girl first, so I did have a preference.

I'd say give yourself some time, and maybe book a ultrasound viewing so you can actually see it, although I don't know for sure but I feel that might have made it easier.

 

[ChocLover]

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Wont' be able to see it on the ultrasound for ages though...

It's funny - when I first heard I was delighted. I was sitting in my lecture beaming the whole two hours.

And then the excitement faded and I just went.. oh.. so I'm not having a girl.. no cute clothes... no "best friend" relationship when older (not that I exactly have that with my mum) .... no disney princess movies!...wait.. I don't know anything about boys!

How superficial and lame! To be sad about the cute clothes and the disney princess movies!

 

[mrs.ginger]

We are only NTNP at the moment so I hope you don't mind me saying something! I just wanted to day that part of me is afraid to completely commit to TTC because I'm a little scared to have a boy. It's just that I have 2 + 1 bonus daughters and I'm not sure how to handle a boy. I want you to know your not alone feeling the way you do. Another thing too though....I have a friend with two girls and when she found out she was having a boy she felt a bit like you are describing, but since he has been born things have completely changed. She is always saying that there is no stronger bond than the one between her and her son. I think once you hold your bubba you won't feel what your feeling now.

 

[ChocLover]

Hmm.. I just googled "just found out I'm having a boy" - which lead me to some real gender disappointment pages and after reading two posts.. I'm definitely not in that category, thankfully.

I think it's just surprise. Since we got married, we gave our baby a nickname and the baby was a "she" .. My husband has been fairly certain we're having a girl.

The funny thing is - the very first ultrasound at 8 weeks ... something in my gut went "he". But I don't really believe in gut feelings or being able to tell things like that just cause I'm the mother so I didn't put too much stock in it. But I've had that gut ever since I first saw him. So I shouldn't actually be as surprised as I am.. but I am surprised.

I don't *think* it reaches disappointment as if some magic fairy said "shall I wave a wand and make it a girl" - I don't know what I'd say. It wouldn't be yes and it wouldn't be no because I really couldn't decide between genders like that.

I'm sure it must be because we talked about a girl for so long..

 

[ChocLover]

We are only NTNP at the moment so I hope you don't mind me saying something! I just wanted to day that part of me is afraid to completely commit to TTC because I'm a little scared to have a boy. It's just that I have 2 + 1 bonus daughters and I'm not sure how to handle a boy. I want you to know your not alone feeling the way you do. Another thing too though....I have a friend with two girls and when she found out she was having a boy she felt a bit like you are describing, but since he has been born things have completely changed. She is always saying that there is no stronger bond than the one between her and her son. I think once you hold your bubba you won't feel what your feeling now.

Thanks for that Mrs Ginger.. yeah I think that's definitely one of the big things. It's a feeling of "wait.. I'm a girl (and I don't have brothers). I don't know what to do with a boy! What if I can't teach him the right things?"

My husband said "that's ok, I'm a boy, I know what to do with boys" ... and I went "err...." (cause the control freak in me is like.. yeah but the important thing is that *I* know what to do with him!!!)

It's silly - and I really am happy he's so healthy (so far) and I truly don't know if I'd change the gender even if I could.

Just fingers crossed for the structural scan tomorrow - hope he's still healthy and well.

 

[Luvspnk31]

I think it's ok, don't beat urself up. You will love your baby no matter what when they're born. Congrats!!

On another note, you might want to move this thread to the gender disappointment forum. The admins may lock it otherwise .

 

[Ewa_cn]

For 16 years of my life I was convinced I will have a boy. Actually two. Don't laugh - my Mom sometimes goes to the fortune teller (tarot readings) and I swear ever since i was 16 I heard the same from at least 6 different ones - that I will have two boys, live overseas, have a husband that is more than 10 years older, travel A LOT. Well, everything they said happened, so I was convinced that two boys are next in order.

We had our names picked years ago. So you can imagine the look on my face (and my husband's as well - even though he doesn't believe in this mumbo jumbo fortune telling stuff) when we found out it's a girl! I was so shocked, the two doctors in ultrasound room looked at me and asked if i was still happy, haha! Of course I was! Just surprised…It took me the whole day to get used to the thought of a girl. Dolls? Cute clothes?Ballet? Ewwww. I had a different plan. I am extremely sport oriented and had tones of plans of what sport activities my boy would be enrolled in. BUT by the bedtime I was the happiest Mama of a little baby girl out there! I realized it completely does not matter. I waited for this little peanut for SO LONG and i can't wait to meet her. I do realize girls do sports too;-) My husband is already calling her his little Princess and I could not be more excited to finally hold her in my arms;-)

 

[FlatShoes]

It can take some getting used to! I was convinced my daughter was a boy - we had names picked and everything - but now I wouldn't change her for the world.

Its just the fact that you are expecting one thing and get another!

 

[UnderPressure]

I told my husband when we found out it was a boy that I wasn't sad because it was a boy, I was sad because it wasn't a girl! We had both had dreams of a little girl so I thought for sure we were meant to have a little girl.

 

[Claire788]

Sometimes I think its Being gender Scared, rather than disappointment, I have a DS, and Im team yellow for this one - and I'm terrified of finding out if its a girl, simply cos I don't know how to deal with girls!! I'm not a girly girl myself, and would wouldn't know how to have a dolls tea party if you paid me!!

 

[pinkcatgirl]

With my first pregnancy I desperately wanted it to be a girl, and she was, but for two days all I could think about was a little blonde haired blue eyed boy who was "gone".. I felt quite sad, even though I was over the moon to be having a girl!

This time round I thought all along it was a boy as very different symptoms and indeed he is! Clearly there's no pleasing me as I am delighted to have a boy, yet oddly mournful that Ariana doesn't have a sister! I am one of two girls, have no male cousins (no cousins at all), no uncles or nephews, and went to an all girls school... I have NO idea what to do with boys! Hopefully my husband will have more of a clue!

 

[Dolphinz4]

I had no preference with my first.... I always thought I would have a girl first...when we found out we were having a boy, I was happy, not for myself, but more for my husband.... I was afraid of having a boy bc I wouldnt know what to do, and I know boys are crazy energetic... needless to say my ds will be 3 in October, and he is my best friend! My little companion, and he is such a mommys boy..I love him so much, and I cojldnt imagine if he had been a girl.... this time around I would like a girl to have one of each, but knowing how amazing little boys are, ni would be super happy with a boy as well

 

[sashadoll]

Hmm.. I just googled "just found out I'm having a boy" - which lead me to some real gender disappointment pages and after reading two posts.. I'm definitely not in that category, thankfully.

I think it's just surprise. Since we got married, we gave our baby a nickname and the baby was a "she" .. My husband has been fairly certain we're having a girl.

The funny thing is - the very first ultrasound at 8 weeks ... something in my gut went "he". But I don't really believe in gut feelings or being able to tell things like that just cause I'm the mother so I didn't put too much stock in it. But I've had that gut ever since I first saw him. So I shouldn't actually be as surprised as I am.. but I am surprised.

I don't *think* it reaches disappointment as if some magic fairy said "shall I wave a wand and make it a girl" - I don't know what I'd say. It wouldn't be yes and it wouldn't be no because I really couldn't decide between genders like that.

I'm sure it must be because we talked about a girl for so long..

Felt the same way. Crazy to how we said she and at the first ultrasound I knew it was a boy deep down but I held on to baby girl. I was disappointed it's normal. I felt like you not cute clothes or mother daughter closeness. But my 5 year old is my life and heart we share a bond like no other. He's a mommy boy♡♡. I'm over it and excited for our second baby boy and maybe next time we will get our girl but I'm ok now. I love him no less and I know once the shock wears off you'll feel the same.

 

[princessatmey]

my first preg i was convinced havin girl. Never found out sex. Anyways he was a boy an i just got on with it lol . I think i tjought girl because my dad kept goin whens my grandaughter comin an i had dream about girl lol. I did get a girl a year an 11days later again didnt find out sex, but i guessed girl as she was measuring smaller on scans. Am now preg with num 3 an just had my scan on mon when was 20+2 didnt find sex again bit measuring spot on like my son so maybe boy lol i have extra scans so ill see how measuring.

 

[Unexpected212]

I was the same with my son. I always imagined having a girl, didn't cross my mind I'd have a boy. My husband was SO happy but I was like you thinking...no dresses etc and no close relationship when older

To be honest the second he was born his gender didn't even cross my mind. I just loved him for the baby and person he was not his gender. I haven't felt any dissapointment since then at all.

Also it's more the individual than the gender that will determine what they like and how close you are etc.

For example there are TONNES of gorgeous boy clothes. I love shopping for boy stuff for my son, jeans with braces, cute shirts, nice hats. Infact now I'm having a girl I'm bricking it about all the matching outfits and pink lol.

Also relationships when older...it totally depends on the son/daughter. My husband is SO close to his parents he sees them all the times whereas my best friend NEVER sees her mum and doesn't get on with her.

This time I will admit I wanted a girl and I'm having one, but I wouldn't have been sad with a boy I think I just wanted to experience raising one of each.

Also we watch Disney and disney princess movies together all the time lol

 

[GypsyJude]

Totally and completely normal. Worse when the second one comes along, but hopefully you never have to experience that. Little boys are wonderful but it is nice to have some balance.

 

[LadyHutch]

When I was pregnant with DS, I wanted a girl. I convinced myself he was a girl. When we had our gender scan and they showed me a little penis, it was like someone knocked the wind out of me.

I was sad for a while. But let me tell you...I love my little boy so much I can hardly stand it. He is my buddy, my momma's boy. He is so awesome that when it came time to TTC again, we prayed for another boy just like him.

Lo and behold, this time its a girl and lol, I am kinda sad. I LOVE my little boy, he is so awesome. But, I guess I'll never be happy with what I get right away until I meet them and see how awesome they are.

Its like you said, it isn't really disappointment in the gender I got, but sadness over the one I didn't =)

 

[Laylagirl]

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Wont' be able to see it on the ultrasound for ages though...

It's funny - when I first heard I was delighted. I was sitting in my lecture beaming the whole two hours.

And then the excitement faded and I just went.. oh.. so I'm not having a girl.. no cute clothes... no "best friend" relationship when older (not that I exactly have that with my mum) .... no disney princess movies!...wait.. I don't know anything about boys!

How superficial and lame! To be sad about the cute clothes and the disney princess movies!

Not sure if this is how youre feeling, but is it possible that you might noe be "disappointed" at all? I mean sometimes the excitement of the wondering if its a boy or girl goes away once you find out what the gender is....so its not exactly disappointment but rather a sense of surprise gone..... Now all thats left is the waiting game. Which to me, is completely normal. And as pregnant women, we are always unsure of how were feeling because of our crazy hormones....give yourself a break..