Getting married before living together .

[aob1013]

I think you need to live with someone before making a huge committment like marriage!

 

[hopeandpray]

I am a messy messy woman and while my ex obviously had stayed over and stuff i dont think until after a week being under the same roof he really understood how messy i really am, living with him was a completely different experience to being able to go our seperate ways at the end of the day

 

[AppleBlossom]

I think you should live with someone before you get married. Living together gives you a proper feel of what they're really like before you go ahead and tie yourself to them

 

[princess_bump]

for me, i could never have married james without living with him. i think it's really important to live with each other before if i'm honest, i don't think you fully no a person until your under the same roof night and day xx

 

[Bittersweet]

i think it can depend on the relationship.

I highly doubt id be able to marry OH without having lived with him first.

mainly cos he can be quite irritating when he leaves crap about

 

[lulu61388]

OH and i live together and we are no where near getting married, heh! i'm glad we were able to iron out our issues with living each other before being legally bound to one another.


but on the other side, i have friends that just recently got married and had never lived together but they were together for 8 years before being married. i think you can know someone without living with them..espcially because 8 years is a LONG time. i'm confident these 2 will last a lifetime.

 

[freckleonear]

I am a Christian so we got married before living together. To me it seems a bit backwards to say that you need to know someone's annoying habits before making a commitment, as it is exactly that commitment that stops you leaving because of those annoying habits! Although obviously good communication is needed before marriage to learn about each other. We had some excellent premarital counselling which probably helped prepare us for the adjustment of marriage.

 

[lulu61388]

i have an example... my OH strips on his side of the bed and leaves all of his clothes on his side of the bed so when i do the laundry i always miss about half a load of it because he never throws it in the bin.

annoying, yes.
relationship breaking? no.

and how else would i have found that out about him unless we lived together? i think that's what people mean by those little annoying habits.

 

[ShanandBoc]

i have an example... my OH strips on his side of the bed and leaves all of his clothes on his side of the bed so when i do the laundry i always miss about half a load of it because he never throws it in the bin.

annoying, yes.
relationship breaking? no.

and how else would i have found that out about him unless we lived together? i think that's what people mean by those little annoying habits.

I guess those things dont really matter tho.

The things that are important to find out about someone to make a marriage last dont require you to live together imo.

The main thing you find out when living together is their housekeeping habits lol

 

[Seity]

I think its essential to live with someone before you get married. I had been in a relationship for 5 years before he stayed at my place over one summer and it was clear that we were never going to work out after only 1 month of living together.
I knew my current husband at the time I was dating this other person and when we got together a few years after that break up, I had him move in not long after we started dating and it was quite obvious that we were meant to be together forever. Just because I'd known him for 7-8 years didn't mean I was ready to marry him without first living together. I was raised with the belief that you got married first, but my personal experience has led me to believe that's a bad idea.

 

[morri]

I think that is only done in very conservative house holds where you also courtship etc- or in the not conservative case- where you just cant afford to live together- although I think if you can't afford to live together you probably can't afford a wedding either. I wouldn't do it like said on the thread- if you only ever meet you bf/gf but never live with them you'll never know how you get along- whether the husband is going to be the ultimate slob or the other way around.. etc.

 

[lissa99a]

DH and I married first before living together. Yes, it takes some getting used to.. habits that were annoying. We have been married for 8 years. In all honesty, if annoying habits break a relationship, there wasn't much there to begin with. Everyone should go into marriage knowing that people have habits and ways of living at home that differ from theirs. For instance, when my hubby loads the dishwasher... he totally sucks at it so that I usually have to reload and/or rewash them. Why get mad for him trying to help? Or he leaves his clothes on the floor when he comes in from work... I might pick on him about being a slob, but really it only takes 2 seconds for me to scoop em up and take them to the laundry room. It's not worth fighting over. I suppose I spoil him by going out of my way to take care of him... but he spoils me just as much with romantic gestures and little things he does that shows he cares. He's a wonderful hubby and father. I am sure I have little habits that annoy him just as much as his do mine. LOL

 

[lozzy21]

I couldent marry some one with out living with them. For the 6 months before we got our own place we might as well of lived together, we were spending every night with each other but we still had to abide by our parents house rules.

We never had one argument untill we had our own place and 99.9% of our arguments have been over household related things.

I'v had friends who have been with there partners years before they lived together and havent lasted 6 months after that, for me you truly dont know some one untill you have lived with them.

 

[Jody R]

We didn't live together until after we were married, we didn't even live in the same town!

Once we were married DH came and went a bit with the navy but mostly we lived together and now he lives away in the week and comes home at weekends. I think the not living together at the start was good practice for all this coming and going now.

 

[T-Bex]

My friends did this just recently, but they also didn't believe in sex before marriage, so it all kind of went hand in hand. They seem to be doing alright with the arrangement so far. However, I think that if OH and I hadn't lived together first, we would have had a very quick marriage, because we would have actually killed each other.

 

[kiwimama]

I couldn't marry someone without living with them first. Honestly I can't remember the amount of arguments we had that first month or two of living together, if we were newlyweds I would have been shitting myself I'd made a horrible mistake, and that's something you don't need when you are newly married.

 

[TereMD]

I have to share this. Where I live (heart of South America) almost everybody does that, getting married without living together first. But here too is common to live with your parents until you finish college, is not uncommon seeing 30 year olds still living with their parents... I moved by myself when I was 20 and people adviced not to do that because I would be seem "like an easy girl because I live alone" wtf....anyway, I think is nuts, I could never do it (not living together before marriage), but divorce statistics here are very low, so who knows? Maybe it has to do with the fact that we are such a "traditional" country and the women here prefer to endure years of unhappinness to a divorce.

I see it as buying a car without testing it first. But every relationship is different and for some people who are very much in love it works.

 

[happynbubbly]

As someone who has lived with someone after being married, and having it not work out, I can still say that it depends on the relationship. I think in my case we just were not compatible, and our situation was compounded by living together after getting married. There are certain habits that you find out only by living together, but if you truly love each other it can be worked on, if both people are willing. For me, we constantly fought, and it just wasn't a good thing, and I eventually left the situation for good. I'm glad children weren't brought into that situation, and for that very reason I never had kids with my ex. So to answer the question, I think it depends on the two people involved.

 

[Missy86]

I did this with my first marriage and it was a disaster

I didnt know what a selfish pig he was before I lived with him

 

[Missy86]

As someone who has lived with someone after being married, and having it not work out, I can still say that it depends on the relationship. I think in my case we just were not compatible, and our situation was compounded by living together after getting married. There are certain habits that you find out only by living together, but if you truly love each other it can be worked on, if both people are willing. For me, we constantly fought, and it just wasn't a good thing, and I eventually left the situation for good. I'm glad children weren't brought into that situation, and for that very reason I never had kids with my ex. So to answer the question, I think it depends on the two people involved.

totally agree