Getting Started Early

[DSemcho]

Hello!!

I'm rather early in my pregnancy, however I have a feeling this one is going all the way! I've never researched actual birthing plans because I've never made it past the very beginning of 5 weeks. I was wondering if you ladies had any info/websites/personal experiences you would be willing to share to help me get into this and start making a birthing plan. One thing I do know is that I want to avoid induction and an epidural. I've heard that in the states now they do not let you go past 40 weeks, however I would not object to going to 42 weeks maxiumum. Help!!

 

[Topanga053]

Hi,

I am so, so sorry for all of your losses. I had one early loss before DD and it completely broke my heart, so my heart goes out to you with multiple losses. I pray for a good pregnancy and delivery for you.

As for labor plans, I won't be that helpful because my "plan" was to do whatever it took to have a healthy baby! Lol I'm normally very Type A (DH laughs that I have to plan all of my meals for the week), but I figured things change during birth and I couldn't really plan something that has so many unknowns. At any rate, it wouldn't have mattered because I developed pre-e and ended up getting induced at 39 weeks (after almost getting induced first at 37 weeks), which would NOT have been part of my plan! Lol

Anyway, I was writing to say that I'm in the States and my OB and others near me WILL let you go longer than 40 weeks, if there are no complications. I would never have been allowed to because of my pre-e, but I know others who went to 41-42 weeks. I think a lot of doctors do cut you off at 42 weeks. Good luck!

 

[NDH]

Its never too early to start looking into your birthing options

If you want a natural childbirth then first and foremost having a provider who is supportive of natural birth is your highest priority. Ask for their statistics and don't just take their word for it because many times they will "bait and switch" and promise to support you but then at the 11th hour suddenly all these conditions will come out. Its far easier to achieve the type of birth you want with a provider who already has the same view of birth rather than try to put your foot down. I experienced that with my second when I was trying to insist on my rights at a hospital not supportive of breech birth. It was just too stressful. Once I switched to a hospital truly supportive of breech birth I was able to relax. With a provider who is actually supportive its far easier to accept deviations to your birth plan as being a actually necessary as well.

The next most important thing after your provider is to take childbirth classes - preferably from an independent instructor not a hospital. Hypnobirthing is highly rated. I never took hypnobirthing, but during my labours I inadvertently practiced many of their methods.

 

[Kess]

I'm sorry for your losses. I've had two myself and they're horrible.

If you think you might be interested in a water birth, or hypnobirthing, or home birth, my birth story is on a link in my signature.

 

[DSemcho]

After discussing with my husband he has vetoed home birth lol. I can't see providers yet because I will be moving when I'm 22-26 weeks back to the states. I've been told by other women in the area that out of the two hospitals near there only one has been suggested for a hospital birth.

 

[NDH]

If you do want - or think you might at least want to consider - a homebirth don't let your DH veto it so easily. Yes dads should have a say since is their baby too, but why should hey get a greater say than the one doing all the work?
I let my husband veto homebirth with our first and I still regret it. I did really want one, but I did have some anxiety about it and instead of keeping the discussion open and working through my anxiety I didn't bring it up again.

Most men have very limited exposure to birth at all, and what they do see is media portrayal of birth being a noisy, scary thing where Drs have to rush to the rescue. They want to protect their woman and child and do genuinely believe societal pressure that hospitals are the only safe place for birth. Plus many men can sometimes feel that by birthing at home the responsibility is on them and thy are unqualified. Often just by interviewing midwives together they see that there's no expectation on him to be the expert and it gives him a chance to have his questions answered and his fears alleviated.

Obviously you won't be able to interview midwives for a few months, but you could watch The Business of Being Born together. If he's analytical he might like to see hard data.

There's no need to decide for certain one way or the other right now. Just keep the lines of communication open. I will say though its easier to plan for a homebirth and change your mind and go to hospital than to plan on a hospital birth and change your mind at the end and plan to have a midwife attended homebirth (when you aren't in the UK at least)

 

[Kess]

To add to what NDH said, there's a great book called The Father's Homebirth Handbook which has both statistics proving homebirth is as safe or safer for normal pregnancies, and stories from men whose babies were born at home. DH found it useful, as did my Dad who was anxious before my HB. Have to say if DH tried to "veto" any of my choices re birth I'd kill him and blame the hormones! lol He gets an input, it is his baby, but I'm the one doing all the work. I'm the one who would risk the damage of interventions that are more likely in hospital, feel the greater pain women tend to feel in hospital, etc. Not saying you ought to have a HB, but it ought not to be something your DH can veto, especially when I suspect he's just reacting to preconceptions and prejudices.

 

[DSemcho]

I will definitely look into those resources and see if he will even look/read/watch them. It think his reason is he thinks that he will have to have a big part in the whole thing, and he doesn't want to have to deal with the messy stuff. Basically just being there. I don't think he even wants to cut the cord because he doesn't see a point in it. At this moment he seems very uninterested in the whole pregnancy/birth to be completely honest. I have my second "first" appointment scheduled on 9Jan and he doesn't seem interested to going to that, or any other ultrasounds I may have. He only went to the one ultrasound because I needed to have him there in case it went badly to drive me home.

 

[NDH]

Shame he seems so uninterested in being involved but two generations ago men didn't have any involvement at all. I did tell my husband that while I would like to have him present for emotional support if he was going to be unsupported or felt like witnessing the birth would be damaging to our relationship or something (it was his biggest fear) that I would rather he leave the birthing room. In the end he was great though.
I guess my point is if he doesn't even want to be involved then hire a doula have a close friend or mom/sister be your support person and just plan your birth tour way.
If he warms up to the idea and supports you great.

 

[DSemcho]

I would totally have family there if I could, but we are going to be living in New Mexico then and my family is currently living in Illinois and rather broke. I do have a friend who said that they are coming in for the birth if they can. And what makes it harder is that we are moving to New Mexico when I am about 26 weeks along so I won't really have time to make a super close friend that I would want at something special like that. There is also the change my DH might deploy before it's born and won't be back until a few months after.

It does suck that he is so uninterested, especially since it seems like everyone else's OH's are so happy and wanting to be there for everything. I'll be honest, it makes me feel like he doesn't want the baby and that's it's an obligation. He has told me once that he does, but it didn't sound like it was true. I've also heard him tell his brother he's excited, but again didn't sound like it. And he also was talking to a female friend from high school (I'm fine with it as long as it's G-Rated) and he told her he wanted it to make it. But he doesn't tell me things like that, and when I ask he gets mad/frustrated. He's very bad at expressing his emotions to me.

 

[nikkchikk]

The best possible thing you could do is take a childbirth class with your partner that discusses the pros and cons of ALL birthing choices. You may have an idea of what you want now, but sometimes things don't go as planned and you should feel confident making decisions, like a Plan B or C. Your partner(DH,friend, etc) should be able to make choices for you if you aren't able to answer so make sure you are on the same page!!

 

[NDH]

It sounds like hiring a doula after you move will be your best course of action then

 

[BunnyN]

You may find that your OH gets a lot more excited about the pregnancy as time goes on. A lot of men have difficulty getting excited about it early on. My OH wasn't keen on a home birth to start with but when I showed him information about the advantages and what would be done in an emergency etc he eventually came around. I also talked with him about my feelings and how I was worried the stress of being in hospital would end up complicating the birth. He is very squeemish so I said he didn't have to look, just stay near my head and I told the MW he didn't want to cut the cord. The good thing about a home birth is that he can come and go as suits him and you some women like to be alone during large parts of labour, some want constant support. Husbands often feel helpless at a hospital birth because they are just kind of stuck there watching. OH did lots of small stuff for me like fetching hot water bottles, ice etc. When it came to the actual birth he ended up watching most of it. He got really excited about seeing the head and he even cut the cord!