Getting upset with comments from other people.

[DonnaBallona]

Now, this might be because Im expecting again and a tad hormonal, but lately Iv been getting really upset with the offhand comments made from people around me.

For NY, we went down to Devon with Brookes godparents who are also expecting-this is their first baby. We were stood altogether talking in the kitchen and K said "oooh, I hope my baby comes early-I dont want to squeeze out an 8lb-er".

I looked like this and said "K, thats a bit of a funny comment to make in front of someone who has experienced a premature birth. . .please please dont wish that.thats a terrible thing to wish"

she looked annoyed Id said something, and then said "BUT my baby is CLEARLY going to be bigger than yours-its alright for you, you dont have to worry!"

Now, tell me Im overreacting maybe, but Im already feeling like Im on a double edged sword as Im just over a month from when Brooke arrived...Iv already been back and forth to the hospital 3 times with suspected high BP, im having growth scans to check my baby is growing. . .and then I hear things like this.

Does anyone else get upset by it? I realise I need to get over it, but, y'know, if people KNEW what it was like, then surely these comments wouldnt get flung about so easily. Pregnancy after a preemie is a worry enough as it is!! Anybody else?

 

[embojet]

That was so insensitive of her! People make me so mad. They just have no idea

 

[Marleysgirl]

Unfortunately you will always come across insensitive people who don't realise the full emotional and physical cost of having a premature baby - some even think it was easy that somebody else looked after my baby for the first three months!

Mind you, I do look at "normal size" newborns and think "How on earth was I meant to carry something that size in my belly?" Difference is that I've been through this, so I'm allowed to make jokes

 

[DonnaBallona]

Marleysgirl, Iv heard that one too!! Someone even asked if thats why Id fallen pregnant again so quickly, beacause Id "sooooooooo much!!" free time on my hands after Brooke was born! Honestly.

I dunno, I just seem to get upset by them. I shouldnt worry really, as whats done is done.. .oh, and Marleysgirl-Im pregnant and im STILL wondering how the hell a baby that big is going to fit inside my belly!!! bahahahaha

 

[Dona]

Hey Donna, I totally know where your coming from. I've head a girl say exactly the same thing.... She was my sister. I think people don't understand what it's like to have a baby really early. But they should know not to say it in font of us that have been through it - it's called manners. Hunnie sometimes we need to make an excuse for these people and bite our lip as I truly believe they mean no harm. If does piss u off though.

The best one I've heard is I bet you were glad you didn't need to push out a term baby. Doh yeah you stupid cow that's what I wish I had.

Hugs and strength hugs sent your way.

Dona xx

 

[Foogirl]

A comment like this wouldn't upset me, but I can see how it would upset others. What does bother me is that people who are supposed to care about you whether it be friends or family, and who went through the journey with you to some extent, can make such flippant comments without a thought. And then when challenged on it don't even have the manners to apologise and even fight with you about it. That's just shit.

I certainly would have it out with people who say things like that.

Totally different situation but when some random wifie told me today Abby should have a hat on, I said "Oh shut up you interfering auld biddie" I was only going round the corner to the car!

We do have to have a thicker skin than many mums, but I can imagine with the pregnancy hormones, couple with the natural worry that the same will happen again, it must be hard. Next time, remind them of the bad stuff you had to go through and simply tell them you hope with all your heart they don't have to go through it too.

 

[Bec L]

I can see what you'd be upset hun, people can be insensitve and I am sure they mean no harm. I had it a lot after Poppy was born 'No wonder you only needed gas and air, she was only little, couldn't have hurt much..' She was 5lb 1, not exactly a tiddler

The worst for me, probably because it was when she was still in hospital, were the comments about having it easy while she was in SBCU and I was at home. I read via someone else's Facebook some time after that she thought I was lucky because my baby would come out of hospital with a nice little routine and I wouldn't have to do it myself. Bonkers.

Am keeping everything crossed that this LO stays inside you a while longer yet! Even if it does mean a painful labour, ha ha (just kidding hun) xxx

 

[grumpymoo]

No I dont blame you

But the long and short of it is, a lot of people just dont understand, even though they may have seen the trauma you went through because your baby came early. And they don't think before they speak obviously!

Hope you are blooming by the way

 

[bumpsmum]

oh hunnie thats not very nice at all, esp as she KNOWS what you went through and its clearly playing on your mind with bubs no.2. Some people clearly dont think before you speak.

Your in the best possible care now and you know yourself what to look for this time around, wishing you a long and un-eventful, pregnancy xx

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

Hi there.

This unfortunately is a comment made by a lot of people we speak to also. My little boy was born 27+5. Its a reaction we are becoming used to.

You have to also look at it from their point of view. Premature birth is somethiung they have never experienced and simply cannot relate to any of the issues, the feelings, or indeed the complications involved. Human nature dictates we think direct, and the direct thought is that giving birth to a small baby is going to be a lot easier, physically, than, say, an 8 pounder.

I wouldn't even call it naive, just something these people know very little about. However we find after some careful direction following one of these comments, and it soon changes their train of thought, and their facial expression

 

[Marleysgirl]

Josephs Daddy, I'd love for you to start a thread here and tell us Joseph's amazing story, I see that you get to bring him home this weekend! We don't hear from Dads very often, it would be an interesting perspective. And we always love to see photos of the amazing little ones.

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

Hi Marley.

Although Joseph is 'due' on the 10th Jan, we have actually had him home since the 23rd December!!!

I'm at work at the moment, so when I get home this evening I'll post his journey. Let's face it, I won't be going anywhere in this torrid weather!!

 

[premmiemum123]

deleted as posted in wrong place

 

[AP]

This is the exact reason why I avoid the third tri section as best as possible - I hate seeing people going "ooooh I want him out now!"

I

Hi Marley.

Although Joseph is 'due' on the 10th Jan, we have actually had him home since the 23rd December!!!

I'm at work at the moment, so when I get home this evening I'll post his journey. Let's face it, I won't be going anywhere in this torrid weather!!

Ooooooh I'd love to read his story, my LO was born 27+4 so I'd feel we'd have something in common!

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

Yeah! One day off!! What was the birth weight?

I kept an online blog of Joseph's story right from day one, I read through it again a few days ago and got quite upset.

I also created a video which is on youtube. When I get home I'll start a thread and include all the links!!

 

[Marleysgirl]

I too have a video - kinda! Our pregnancy & Unit story was being filmed for Beeb3, on later this year.

 

[Mumof42009]

Donna when i was pregnant this time i got so many horrible comments from people about not having to go to full-term, not having the weight to loss 1 person even said to me 'oh i thought you would've had it by now and i was only 24 wks it hurts but rise above it and keep yourself strong your doing so well hun. xx

 

[myasmumma]

i totally agree with you i was born two months earlier and luckly only got away with having asthma, my daughter was born at 42weeks and if she wanted could of stayed there longer, i feel sad that people say im 37 weeks now ill induce myself its sad i think people like that should just enjoy the moment

 

[cindi]

Can I say something ladies? i was just browsing the posts on the main index page and saw the title. And thought I'd read it. I was very fortunate with my oldest daughter. She tried to come at 32 weeks but we were able to with medical intervention and very strict bedrest on my part keep her in till 36 weeks. I don't know anything of what you ladies (and gentlemen) have been through. I know how scary things were for me though. I'm on my 5th baby and I still pray, and be very scared that this one will be early or try to come early like my oldest did. None of them have (knock on wood) but I am one of those preggo's you will never hear I hope she comes out now. Well maybe after 38 weeks! I'm diabetic so I want to keep them in till at least 38 weeks for the lungs to develop properly. I pray daily. I don't mind being pregnant up to my due date (never happens due to diabetes and csections though) but I just want to say that I have the most respect for you all. I don't know how you do it. To have a baby is scary enough but to walk out of the hospital and not even bring your baby home would kill me. For those of you that are pregnant now I wish you the best and my prayers are with you. Ignore the igornant ones that have no clue. Cause I get upset with those same comments you are saying. Even though Katie didn't come when she wanted to, she tried and that was scary enough for me. I cant wait to see this little one i'm carrying, but i'll wait till 39 weeks when my ob wants to take him. Take care of those precious gifts from God cause they are the true miracles.

 

[AP]

Yeah! One day off!! What was the birth weight?

2lb 4oz Joseph's Daddy, so not far off. Josephs weight was wicked! xxxxxx