Girls what would you do?!

[PinkCupcake]

I'm not technically meant to be in this section anymore as I lost my baby at 12 weeks but it's the only section i'm going to get other teens opinions which is what i need at the minute. Some of you will know me from when I was in this section and some of you won't but hello if not! my name's Laura and i'm nearly 17. I just need some help really, wondering what other girls around my age would do if they were in this sort of situation.

Since I first got with my boyfriend i've actually put up with so much shit honestly! First, after about a month of being with him I took him on holiday with me and my family and that's when we first had sex. We payed for him and everything, plus payed for everything we did whilst we were there, he had about £500 off us during the time we were there! When we got home from there, he obviously told his mum what happened and she went and told her bestfriend that we had sex and I got so much shit spread round about me. Rumour upon rumour and none of it was true, but his mother hates me and that's never going to change. I hate her guts, and i *KNOW* that will never change. She can drop dead for all I care, she's put me through endless rubbish. Anyway I put up with all the rumours because I loved him, and his mother and her friends family (who spread the rumours) brainwashed him to end everything with me so he did. He then got with another girl in the 2 weeks we was apart, lets just call her 'dog'. I used the 2 weeks to move on, i went and met up with old friends who i hadn't seen in a while (including boys) he hated that, he used to moan at me for it yet he had a new girl! Cutting a long story short, one night me and my friend was driving along and saw him walking along the road and my friend pulled over. I ended up getting back with him that night after a huge chat and i witnessed him telling 'dog' that he made a huge mistake by getting with her and it's over. I told him that if he ever had contact with her again then that would be it because i hate getting messed around! He didn't speak to her for a while but then she appeared on my boyfriends blackberry messenger contacts which annoyed me so much, we nearly broke up once again but he assured me that she added him and he only kept her on there to ask her how she got his pin. That was about a year ago and she hasn't appeared since. I watched him sit and block her on facebook, and that hasn't changed since. She's still blocked. During the time everything was okay, we still used to have so many arguements mainly caused by my insecurity that he made me feel in the first place. As I said we then found out about the baby and he seemed like he grew up so much within the space of a few months, he seemed to much more loving and everything seemed so much better than it ever did before. We then found out at the 12 week scan that our baby died at 8 weeks and most people told us it would bring us closer together but i just feel like it's pulled us apart. I had my D&C on tuesday (12th) he was brilliant during that day. Stayed there every second with me and even bathed me and washed my hair when we got home even though i was perfectly capable of doing it by myself I guess he just wanted to help as i felt a little bit bruised but nothing major. Yesterday he came round and i didn't realise it but i apparently acted so cold and horrible to him, but i know it's just because i don't know how to handle my emotions right now and it obviously seemed like i was taking it out on him. He hardly ever cries but i made him cry yesterday, i didn't even know i was doing anything wrong. He obviously feels pain too, this was going to be our baby not just mine but i think i've felt it a little more just like most females would because we carry the baby, we feel the bond from day one, we have the surgery if it comes to needing it. This has been bad for him but traumatic for me, and i guess i just wanted to be alone yesterday. So today, I quickly went onto facebook to see that his mum is now friends with the DOG on facebook again. It was his mum that persuaded him to get rid of me in the first place, and she persuaded him to get with her just to get back at me. She lives about 25 minutes from us both. Now my boyfriends mum is friends with her on facebook again and i can't help but think there's something going on YET AGAIN. I've just lost my baby, like i need his mother causing yet more shit for me? I don't need it! I hate her guts, and i know me and my boyfriend are never going to work out all the time she's around. She hates me and would do anything for my boyfriend to get rid of me again, and she's trying her best. This is how much of a bitch she is, when I first fell pregnant she thanked me for "tying a noose" round my boyfriends neck. She then never spoke to me or looked at me the very odd occasion that I saw her for 8 weeks. The pregnancy then ended and she couldn't even send me a text to ask how i was, or not even that, she couldn't even say to my boyfriend "tell laura i send her my best wishes" or anything! I then went in for the surgery and i still didn't get a "good luck" or anything, she hasn't said a word through this whole thing. If that's not cold then what is? And i'm the girl that spent £150 on her for christmas out of my own money, just to try and build bridges with her, and for her to like me so everything was made a little easier for everyone. But yeah getting back to the 'dog' my boyfriend swears that she's still blocked on facebook, and that he hasn't spoken to her until that time I saw her on his phone. He even swore on mine and our babies life, but the baby will never come anyway so he could just be saying that even though he's sick if he does!! What do i do? Like I haven't got enough to cry about right now. This probably doesn't even sound serious but there's been so much more little things happen inbetween and i don't think many girls would have put up with it! We've been together for a long time now and i do love him, but wtf!

-I have a feeling this thread will get locked but this is the only section that i'll get answers from other people my age so it would really help if it didn't.

 

[Jennaxo]

I'm sorry to hear about this, after your loss I'm sure its the last thing you need to be dealing with a rough relationship. I really believe that situations like this either make or break couples, it either brings you closer or makes you realise what's wrong, but if you're not happy you have to do what's right for you, you have to put yourself first. I can't really tell you what to so because at the end of the day its a decision you need to make yourself and whether you think that you can get through and mend this or whether the bad outweighs the good and you can't deal with it. There is no shame in breaking up if you think that's what's best for you. But make sure to think it over properly, don't make any rash decisions and remember whatever happens it will slowly feel better in time. I wish you luck with your decision and hope you feel better soon

 

[PinkCupcake]

I'm sorry to hear about this, after your loss I'm sure its the last thing you need to be dealing with a rough relationship. I really believe that situations like this either make or break couples, it either brings you closer or makes you realise what's wrong, but if you're not happy you have to do what's right for you, you have to put yourself first. I can't really tell you what to so because at the end of the day its a decision you need to make yourself and whether you think that you can get through and mend this or whether the bad outweighs the good and you can't deal with it. There is no shame in breaking up if you think that's what's best for you. But make sure to think it over properly, don't make any rash decisions and remember whatever happens it will slowly feel better in time. I wish you luck with your decision and hope you feel better soon

thankyouu, everyone keeps telling me that it will either make us or break us, and i just don't know if i can deal with his mum. she's such a cold person and if me and my boyfriend went any further with the relationship then i wouldn't know how to deal with her. she'd never allow us to have our own business, it would always be me, him, and her. i'd give anything for him to have a different family, she's the only person he's got family wise and he even slags her off 9 times out of 10 as she gave him a shit life! thanks for your reply

 

[lucy_x]

I couldnt deal with OHs mum, your OHs mum sounds just like her...And although i never have been through what you have hugs my MIL too hated my guts and kept trying to get OH back with his ex...

After 8 months of me and OH fighting because of it, we cut MIL out of our lives...It was the best thing we ever did, we became a proper couple, no fighting and in time he saw it was his mother causing the problems....After 2 years of not speaking to her we got back in contact, shes much more restrained now and has finally seen that i am good for her son.

By no means do i encourage this but its really made us...

I would be inclined to believe your BF about the dog, hes probably telling the truth.

For now hunny, i would try and maintain your relationship with your OH, i would ignore his mother completely, you are in a relationship with HIM not her and she needs to accept that...Delete her off Facebook and otherwise ignore her....Right now you don't need her shit but you need him, he is your angels father

If things go right between you two and the relationship 'progresses' then you can maybe be civil with her, but behaving like she is now i would by no means become her 'friend' iv learnt from experience that it just hurts....

Good luck lovely, i hope i made sense, iv got a stinking headache haha

 

[PinkCupcake]

thanks so much, your little story has made me really jealous because i know OH would never cut his mum out of his life! i'd *LOVE* nothing more, she's a total cow, but she is such a controlling person and the only person OH has ever had/lived with, he still does live with her and i just highly doubt she would let him cut her out of his life! i've tried to encourage this so many times, i know it's not right to 'break' a mother and son up but she's too tough to take! i've tried to be civil with her so many times and all she tries to do is cause crap, spiteful evil bitch. she makes me so mad i could call her every name under the sun! ergh god lol! x x

 

[hannahhlove]

I'm wasn't in the exact same situation but I can somewhat relate. For 6 months before my boyfriend and I started dating we were 'seeing eachother.' We agreed that we wouldn't do anything with anyone else or anything but I didn't think he was ready to be in a 'real' relationship - as I am his first actual girlfriend longer than 3 weeks I found out periodically (by him or facebook) that he had slept with her, and kissed her many times. I wasn't impressed. We started dating and exactly a week later when I was away at my dads I found out he cheated on me and kissed this same girl. I made him delete her blahblahblah. 5 months later I was looking at his phone (I have big trust issues) and saw she text him saying hey. He said he didn't reply but then I look at his calls and she had CALLED him and then I saw he deleted a bunch of texts between them although I could read them. In that sense I KNOW what you're going through. I have a hard time moving on from stuff like that.

I don't think a person deserves to be forgiven for something that wasn't a mistake (my opinion). Sorry for my rant It felt like a good time to get it off my chest

If I were you I would confront him. Maybe give it a day or two, but tell him you are worried. Talk to him about the fact that you're going through a rough time and understand that he is too, but you need to be there for eachother. Some days you both may want alone time and space and other times you may want to be with eachother and I think both of those times are important, especially while dealing with a loss like this.

I'm assuming your OH knows that you and his mother don't see eye to eye with the whole relationship? Maybe talk to him about this and tell him that at this time it has nothing to do with her (espcially if she isn't going to support you at this time) and that you need HIS support. You want to be there for him as much as he needs to be there for you. It sounds to me like you're lacking trust in the relationship. I don't know how to build trust in another person (obviously) especially once they lose it, but it's worth trying to make it through I'm sure.

You said you've been together for a while now, and after a loss like said before, it will either make you or break you. The BOTH of you have to decide though. If I were you I would try and tell him you are concerned because his mom added 'dog' on Facebook and are worried something will happen and that he'll be convinced to let her come between you again. You sound like a great person to me.

Maybe if it came down to it, you could have a civil conversation with his mother at some point if that's possible? Or maybe write her a letter for him to give her. Tell her your feelings, I think she needs to know whether she cares or not. This would have been HER grandbaby whether she was happy or mad about it - that doesn't matter. I don't think his mom adding her on Facebook has to do with him. I think that if she added her, then that was her doing and nothing to do with your boyfriend - or else he would have her unblocked or readded her himself. I know it's hard to not question it though.

Don't give up on your relationship too easy. It doesn't sound like you are, but remember in the end you will become a better person because of everything you're facing. You seem like a very strong person and that is something to be proud of. Don't let HIS mother drag you down. This isn't necessary at all and is definately not the time. Think about the good times you have with your boyfriend , think of the positives and try to think about how much he loves you. He clearly loves and cares about you, but he may have to deal with his own emotions. Don't let anyone get you down. You don't need it.

Sorry if this was all over the place and a ramble, but I'm frustrated for you! I can only imagine exactly how you're feeling right now. If you need to talk or vent feel free to msg me, esp. if this gets locked

 

[PinkCupcake]

I'm wasn't in the exact same situation but I can somewhat relate. For 6 months before my boyfriend and I started dating we were 'seeing eachother.' We agreed that we wouldn't do anything with anyone else or anything but I didn't think he was ready to be in a 'real' relationship - as I am his first actual girlfriend longer than 3 weeks I found out periodically (by him or facebook) that he had slept with her, and kissed her many times. I wasn't impressed. We started dating and exactly a week later when I was away at my dads I found out he cheated on me and kissed this same girl. I made him delete her blahblahblah. 5 months later I was looking at his phone (I have big trust issues) and saw she text him saying hey. He said he didn't reply but then I look at his calls and she had CALLED him and then I saw he deleted a bunch of texts between them although I could read them. In that sense I KNOW what you're going through. I have a hard time moving on from stuff like that.

I don't think a person deserves to be forgiven for something that wasn't a mistake (my opinion). Sorry for my rant It felt like a good time to get it off my chest

If I were you I would confront him. Maybe give it a day or two, but tell him you are worried. Talk to him about the fact that you're going through a rough time and understand that he is too, but you need to be there for eachother. Some days you both may want alone time and space and other times you may want to be with eachother and I think both of those times are important, especially while dealing with a loss like this.

I'm assuming your OH knows that you and his mother don't see eye to eye with the whole relationship? Maybe talk to him about this and tell him that at this time it has nothing to do with her (espcially if she isn't going to support you at this time) and that you need HIS support. You want to be there for him as much as he needs to be there for you. It sounds to me like you're lacking trust in the relationship. I don't know how to build trust in another person (obviously) especially once they lose it, but it's worth trying to make it through I'm sure.

You said you've been together for a while now, and after a loss like said before, it will either make you or break you. The BOTH of you have to decide though. If I were you I would try and tell him you are concerned because his mom added 'dog' on Facebook and are worried something will happen and that he'll be convinced to let her come between you again. You sound like a great person to me.

Maybe if it came down to it, you could have a civil conversation with his mother at some point if that's possible? Or maybe write her a letter for him to give her. Tell her your feelings, I think she needs to know whether she cares or not. This would have been HER grandbaby whether she was happy or mad about it - that doesn't matter. I don't think his mom adding her on Facebook has to do with him. I think that if she added her, then that was her doing and nothing to do with your boyfriend - or else he would have her unblocked or readded her himself. I know it's hard to not question it though.

Don't give up on your relationship too easy. It doesn't sound like you are, but remember in the end you will become a better person because of everything you're facing. You seem like a very strong person and that is something to be proud of. Don't let HIS mother drag you down. This isn't necessary at all and is definately not the time. Think about the good times you have with your boyfriend , think of the positives and try to think about how much he loves you. He clearly loves and cares about you, but he may have to deal with his own emotions. Don't let anyone get you down. You don't need it.

Sorry if this was all over the place and a ramble, but I'm frustrated for you! I can only imagine exactly how you're feeling right now. If you need to talk or vent feel free to msg me, esp. if this gets locked

aww thankyou! that definitely made me feel better to read that he knows that i'm angry about it because i text him earlier saying "i see your mum is friends with that dog on facebook, if you're thinking about it or have any contact there's no going back this time" and he didn't even know who i was on about apparently. but he didn't bother coming to mine tonight because he didn't want arguing and especially when my dads here because my dad would go mad, but he's coming round tomorrow. he sounds genuine this time, he phoned me because i was so pissed off and wouldn't answer any of his texts after i sent my one.. as for his mum i just don't know! no she definitely wasn't happy about the baby. she once threatened before i even fell pregnant that she would kick the baby out of my stomach if it ever happened, so deep down i know she is thrilled that this has happened. i probably sound stupid by saying that but i don't think anyone would really understand this woman unless they met her, then it would be like "yeah, i know what you mean!" she's a rat, a nasty piece of work! i love OH to bits, we've been through a lot together and this has to be the hardest we've dealth with, without a doubt, but he needs to do something about his mother and quickly. i could never have a civil conversation with her, she's the type of person that would strangle you or something if we was alone. she has problems, big ones at that.. i'd get scared if i was alone with her in a room!! -.-

-also don't worry about when you've looked at his phone and checked his call logs, i've done that before loads of times. i think it's just a girl thing but i'm sure plenty of boys do that too. it's just curiosity when you're in a relationship, it just puts your mind at rest whether you trust that person or not. I guarantee that 9 out of 10 people have done it before, haha! xx

 

[hannahhlove]

aww thankyou! that definitely made me feel better to read that he knows that i'm angry about it because i text him earlier saying "i see your mum is friends with that dog on facebook, if you're thinking about it or have any contact there's no going back this time" and he didn't even know who i was on about apparently. but he didn't bother coming to mine tonight because he didn't want arguing and especially when my dads here because my dad would go mad, but he's coming round tomorrow. he sounds genuine this time, he phoned me because i was so pissed off and wouldn't answer any of his texts after i sent my one.. as for his mum i just don't know! no she definitely wasn't happy about the baby. she once threatened before i even fell pregnant that she would kick the baby out of my stomach if it ever happened, so deep down i know she is thrilled that this has happened. i probably sound stupid by saying that but i don't think anyone would really understand this woman unless they met her, then it would be like "yeah, i know what you mean!" she's a rat, a nasty piece of work! i love OH to bits, we've been through a lot together and this has to be the hardest we've dealth with, without a doubt, but he needs to do something about his mother and quickly. i could never have a civil conversation with her, she's the type of person that would strangle you or something if we was alone. she has problems, big ones at that.. i'd get scared if i was alone with her in a room!! -.-

-also don't worry about when you've looked at his phone and checked his call logs, i've done that before loads of times. i think it's just a girl thing but i'm sure plenty of boys do that too. it's just curiosity when you're in a relationship, it just puts your mind at rest whether you trust that person or not. I guarantee that 9 out of 10 people have done it before, haha! xx

He sounds like a decent guy then, even in the fact that he phoned you when you wouldn't reply. A lot of guys wouldn't even do that. Many guys think they're above and better than that and don't have the feelings that girls do about stuff like that, in my opinion. I think it's worth fighting for. (not actually fighting ) I think without his mom you two could be very happy by the sounds of it and it sounds as though she just loves to interfere. Unforunately she can not just be thrown out the window as she is his mother.

Does he understand why you two don't get along? Does he get along with her? She sounds as though she has major issues and is very immature to even say something about your baby. I think it's time to rely on your boyfriend and family. It's your boyfriends decision however, to side with you or his mom. Generally it is one or the other, although it could work with him being on both 'sides' as long as he doesn't let her get to him. I wouldn't worry about her. I'd just stay away and avoid her as she is not what you need in your life, especially at this time.

Things will get better I'm sure of it!

 

[PinkCupcake]

He sounds like a decent guy then, even in the fact that he phoned you when you wouldn't reply. A lot of guys wouldn't even do that. Many guys think they're above and better than that and don't have the feelings that girls do about stuff like that, in my opinion. I think it's worth fighting for. (not actually fighting ) I think without his mom you two could be very happy by the sounds of it and it sounds as though she just loves to interfere. Unforunately she can not just be thrown out the window as she is his mother.

Does he understand why you two don't get along? Does he get along with her? She sounds as though she has major issues and is very immature to even say something about your baby. I think it's time to rely on your boyfriend and family. It's your boyfriends decision however, to side with you or his mom. Generally it is one or the other, although it could work with him being on both 'sides' as long as he doesn't let her get to him. I wouldn't worry about her. I'd just stay away and avoid her as she is not what you need in your life, especially at this time.

Things will get better I'm sure of it!

Oh he knows exactly what she's like. His dad walked away from his mum when he was only 7, but wanted full contact with his son still but she moved down the other end of the country (where we all live now) so he couldn't have anything to do with his son or even know where he was living. he's 18 now and i know he'd do anything to see his dad. OH has been sent to school when he was younger with scratches all over him and hand prints/risen bumps from where she's hit him. making him go to bed without any food and things like that is not what a mother does. the list goes on, as i said she's a bitch. when i very first got with him, she thought she would make it hard just so i'd probably get "fed up" with it and leave, she used to make him go days without seeing me at 17 years old (at the time) making sure he stayed inside just so i couldn't see my own boyfriend. i'd only been with him a few weeks/months, and thank god he comes and goes whenever he wants now, but that's the sort of weirdo freak she is. hahah, a joke really he's definitely worth fighting for, i'm not sure i know any guys that would come home from hospital with his girlfriend and physically wash her, even under her pits haha bless him. and then run around for me getting me whatever i wanted while i layed in bed. his mum just needs to get a grip and realise that her precious little boy is growing up now and she can't hold onto him forever. she needs to realise he's going to marry someone else one day because i'm pretty sure she expects him to marry her!

 

[Babybbumbleb]

im going to give my honest opinion, i dont want you to get upset and im not saying this to be a bitch or anything just trying to help... with everything your going through with a MMC and being stressed, i know how it feels to loose your baby and feel so alone... thats so fucked up that OH doesnt even stand up for you or anything to his mom, if that was my OH i would tell him PEACE! and leave him... your going through something NOBODY should ever go through and people around you need to realize that... you don't need your OH's mom to like you or to talk to you, for whatever reason she doesnt like you, that her problem and her own being of just being a selfish bitch.. sorry but its the truth from what it sounds likke.. and excuse my language but this type of situation makes me furious.. and with the other girl. why would you even want to stay with your OH if your having this much thought about him going behind your back? thats not healthy for you at all to be constantly wondering if hes cheating on you or lying or not.. it isn't a good feeling and i personally wouldn't want to be with someone that i had to think about if they're talking to someone else behind my back.. i hope you realize that you dont have to put yourself through all that bullshit.. you need to tell your OH to stick up for you or you should think about leaving him.. i hope you make the best decision for yourself and i hope you dont take this the wrong way

 

[lucy_x]

thanks so much, your little story has made me really jealous because i know OH would never cut his mum out of his life! i'd *LOVE* nothing more, she's a total cow, but she is such a controlling person and the only person OH has ever had/lived with, he still does live with her and i just highly doubt she would let him cut her out of his life! i've tried to encourage this so many times, i know it's not right to 'break' a mother and son up but she's too tough to take! i've tried to be civil with her so many times and all she tries to do is cause crap, spiteful evil bitch. she makes me so mad i could call her every name under the sun! ergh god lol! x x

Dont be Jealous huni, it was hard work i wont lie! - Il be honest too, she deserved it much more than just because i didnt like her lol, she took a loan out in OHs name, and stole money from his bank account too...So we had a little more reason.

In this situation it would honestly do you a lot of favours to just act as if she doesn't exist! - you don't need her x x

 

[AP]

Really sorry PinkCupcake but I have already explained to you before, it's one rule for everyone, I can't make exceptions

You are welcome to utilise our other sections, perhaps home life and relationships section could be appropriate for you? (it's also not viewable to non-members, unlike the pregnancy sections )