Giving a toddler an Ipad to play with is lazy parenting?

[Larkspur]

Robinator, I'll jump in!

I actually don't have as much of a problem with iPads etc in principle as I do with TV, although both are technically classed as screens by medical organisations.

I think interactive apps can be valuable - the kid has to participate and think, rather than just watch. But I can't see the value of those under the age of about two, just because for the kid to be able to get real value out of it, they need a certain level of understanding. Like, there's an app of the book Goodnight Moon, with all sorts of cute extra features, like sounds and pictures moving and extra word learning stuff. I think that's pretty cool.

The biggest problem I have with them is that they seem to be incredibly addictive. Maybe not to all kids, but to some/most. I can't count the number of times I've seen kids begging/harassing their parents for the phone/iPad. Unlike a TV screen, they can go anywhere, so you're not even safe from the demands when you leave the house.

My four-year-old nephew is allowed to play Angry Birds on his dad's phone as a reward/treat (although it seems to get wheeled out quite a lot). I showed him a really simple fishpond app I had on mine. BIG MISTAKE. From that moment forward, at least 10 times a day he would want my phone to 'play the fish game', even though really, it was barely a game at all. And when I said, "No", the request would be repeated again and again as if he hadn't heard me. Veeeeery tiresome. It taught me that if you don't want a child to harass you endlessly for something, don't let them know it exists in the first place. That's why my kids will never be getting my phone to play with. That's mine, they can have their own when they're old enough. Like 10.

 

[pompeyvix]

What you say makes a lot of sense KittyVentura.

I guess it is easy for me to say with a 4 month old haha who currently has no idea these things exist yet.

But I will absolutely ensure 100% that (like you) her days are filled with activities so that the ipad does not become a necessity to keep her entertained.

Obviously I dont want Anabella to be left behind in the dark ages over technology and electronic gadgets certainly won't be banned in our house but my view as things stand now is that they are an occasional treat.

 

[KittyVentura]

My daughter plays In The Night Garden game on my iPhone and she plays educational puzzles and colouring on the iPad. Not all day but maybe half an hour a day while I get some cleaning/cooking done. She enjoys it and it does no harm. I think people should concentrate on what they do with their own kids instead of judging other people. The use of an ipad etc may not 'sit comfortably with you' but some things you allow your child to do may not sit comfortably with others so live and let live I say.

To be fair, in moderation is OK. I just worry that they will then become dependent on it for fun as they grow older and then throw strops and tantrums when they can't play on it, or be so engrossed on it they will not enter in conversation with you.

If they have limited or no use in the first place, then the dependency isn't created, I dont think.

Your darling with throw strops and tantrums over ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, there is no avoiding it. Toddlers are full of emotions they cannot well communicate, a strong sense of independence but a lack of ability and are ruled by their rushing emotions. That is not a bad thing, it is the beauty of a toddler and that same will helps you learn as a person and see everything through new and young eyes. But those traits lead to meltdowns. Some may have more than others and the way you parent might help you diffuse them quicker... But they will happen regardless.

Avoiding an IPad or other toy won't stop that. Not for a second.

My son is extremely well behaved for his age... He threw a tantrum on NYE because his bath wasn't deep enough. He threw a tantrum today because his raisins were too small etc. Threw a tantrum because his BRIO train was too long it derailed on corners etc.

 

[KittyVentura]

I sound like I am being argumentative, I really don't mean to. I'm passionate about my toddler haha. Incidentally he will sometimes ignore me and get SO engrossed with any toy or activity that he appears to have gone deaf and ever sometimes ends up widdling his pants as he is just SO engrossed. I think the point I am making is that so much of the behaviour that is blamed on a specific toy or electronic item is just really in the nature of the age and stage of development that child is at. Instead of seeing them as behaviours to curb and try and prevent by restricting items we blame as the cause, we would be much happier and better parents to our toddlers if we just accepted that those behaviour happen and worked through them when they do. Like when Fin get that engrossed (near always with a puzzle or his Thomas trains) and I struggle to get his attention, I clap. I KNOW he will get like that, it would be unfair to punish him or remove a toy he enjoys when I KNOW that is just the way toddlers are, so that one clap is enough of a different noise to get his attention... I then speak in smaller sentences and regularly touch my nose to help refocus him back on me etc.

I am waffling I know. I hope I make sense haha x

 

[robinator]

The biggest problem I have with them is that they seem to be incredibly addictive.

I think this is where my issue with electronic entertainment lies - it's easy to just give your kid 10 minutes a day, but over time (without necessarily realizing it), another minute is added here and another there.

Soon you have a full blown addict who doesn't ever want to put it down or just chill out with actual people. My 40 year old husband was seriously addicted to Angry Birds, but at least with him we could have a rational discussion about family time. Toddlers are difficult to reason with in the best of times. Plus, as in Dezireey's example, toddlerhood is prime for learning social development, and with a lot of heads-down time, they may resist interacting with others and therefore have impeded social skills.

I'm just saying, despite our best parental intentions, things can go from moderate to needy addict. (yes, to anything, but we are specifically talking electronics here).

 

[missy1]

One final thing I will say is just a warning to most not to say too strongly things you WILL NOT do until you have actually been there. I see too many statements like "My child will nap have chocolate until they are at least 2/will never use an IPAD/will NEVER tantrum in a supermarket" etc etc. Yeah, of course stand firm the what you do str fly believe in but seriously good luck and be sure to read back on those statements when you have a screaming banshee toddler dribbling chocolate over your IPad haha. There is a reason that most threads about "bad" things get a sympathetic and non judgemental reply in The toddler section rather than the crazy judgey replies and strong statements of actions you will take with something you have never experienced in baby club. When you have just one baby, you might feel like you have all the answers. A week with your darling baby having turned to a toddler and you soon realise you don't and just get by day to day while being the best version of Mummy you can be to the whirlwind of split personalities that is screaming at you because they can ony eat green food today... Xx

Couldn't agree more ;-)

 

[pompeyvix]

I sound like I am being argumentative, I really don't mean to. I'm passionate about my toddler haha xx

Haha, I dont take it as argumentative at all. I admit it's easy for me to say with a 4 month old who can't answer back yet or demand things.

I have just seen too many toddlers/young children sit on these tablets only to have a complete strop or melt down when taken away.

AND when they are playing to not interact in any conversation or be interested in any other games or toys.

 

[MandyV]

We let our 17 month old play w/ our iPhones and they are addicting he gets so mad when we take them away he knows how to unlock the phone and go to his folder with his apps in it lol!!! We let him play with it when we are out like waiting for food at a resturant or dr office or things like that to keep him occupied for a little bit, but sometimes it back fires on us cause he get pissed off when we take it away lol

 

[KittyVentura]

I admit, sometimes I feel ready to scream when I see a toddler in a cafe or on the bus clearly getting bored... Boredom leads to bad behaviour in toddler world. Boredom is the enemy. They hanker for their parents attention, want interaction and the phone is just thrust at them instead. Or a packet of sweets etc. Usually with a short, sharp, remark about their "bad" behaviour.

For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them.

 

[Emzywemzy]

I agree, it's easy to say " I will never" until you're in a situation and experience it for yourself. I used to think phone/ iPad apps were ridiculous for children but my dad downloaded an app on his iPad for Holly which had matching and counting games on it. I was amazed at how it aided her with learning to count and her memory is fantastic! Now, don't get me wrong, she also learns these things through real life matching games at home, counting with me, playschool etc but it's been a fantastic way of reinforcing all these things. I don't let her play it all the time and if she asks to and she's already played a lot then I say no... No harm done I don't think. I also have downloaded some matching games on my phone which have been an absolute godsend whilst I don't know, waiting to see he doctor with a tantruming toddler (they all do it, believe me) or r entertaining toddler when ealing with a grouchy baby . I'd much rather she sat on my phone playing a game for 5 mins than ransacking the kitchen cupboards whilst I'm not looking!! Also Ithonk technology is a really useful tool in learning. I don't think too much of anything is productive but I do see the benefit if used correctly x

 

[lozzy21]

If you start as you mean to go on then they soon pick up on the rules. I have an app on my phone for Niamh, i think its called farm sounds, there are a few "games" on there, the simple one is you press a picture of an animal and the sound comes out and the more complicated one is you have to match the sound to the animal. She only ever asks for it when we're waiting in the doctors since we can end up waiting for 30 mins and the alternative is her getting bored and wanting to run around which would result with her knocking an old lady over.

 

[Emzywemzy]

Also holly would have a meltdown no matter what I take off her, dolly, car, piece of string, you name it! I Don't think it's specific to ipads!

 

[rockys-mumma]

My 2 year old uses my iPhone every day. He can do what he wants with it (within reason obviously) but yes. Shoot me down as a lazy parent!

I have numerous games on it for him. Paint apps, flash cards, memory cards, puzzle games (I highly reccomend tozzle, his hand eye coordination is amazing! We even had a stranger sitting behind us at a restaurant gobsmacked that a child not even two could do the puzzles. Then continue to plant the seeds (in the puzzle he just done) water them then feed the carrots and to the awaiting rabbit he just made! he goes onto YouTube and while im aware that sounds crazy if he wants to watch something he says "mum, Tom and jerry/charley bear/etc please. So i say ok, he goes to the search bar and I tell him... Find the 'T', find the 'O' find the 'M' and it helps him with his letters! Yes then we pickna suitable episode and he watches it for 7 mins or whatever. It's not a big deal

It's 10 min out of the 12 awake hours he has of the day. Some days he has it a couple of times, some days he doesn't have it at all. Or like the week before Xmas when I had baaaad tonsillitis he had it loads for like 2 days! But with 12w old baby to care for also upon feeling like shit warmed up, as long they were fed, warm, cared for and quiet that's all that mattered to me. Bad mummy?

In the grand scheme of things iPads/pcs/iPhones are not the end if the world, infact it is the way society is headed! And I'm glad my boy knows how to use it! It's down to me to ensure he uses it correctly. I would never buy him his own one, or even a kids one (cause they are crap in comparison) nor would I allow a tv in his room yet or other stuff I see no harm at all in letting him play with it on a regular basis!

And yes it is VERY easy to say, I wont give my baby sugar/dummy/chocolate/watch tv/iPhone/baby reins/buggy til 3, the list goes on. Many of you, myself included have and will be eating plenty of humble pie in our parenting careers!

Oh and just to add to my outrageous laziness of a parent, my 3month old uses it too! I put on lullabies or white noise for him when he won't settle! Works a treat!

Ps sorry for any typos and terrible composure, I'm on my iPhone

 

[stacey3690]

Is it really that bad I think its fine in.moderation and can be educational I mean my cousin puts her 2 year old in het buggy in front of the tv with crisps and a bottle all day (not exagerating) now thats lazy parenting

 

[hamster wheel]

I agree to some extent that kids will need exposure to technology sooner than later because you need to be tech savvy to function in today's society. That being said, I'm not entirely sure that can justify allowing toddlers to use tablets for hours. My niece loves the iPad and it's gotten to the point where she has already forgotten how to use a mouse and keyboard...she's 3 years old.

Yes there are some wonderful apps for kids but I am of the opinion that books can do this as well-but hey I still plan on teaching my kid how to use a pen and paper.

I just don't want to be in a situation where there are iPads or phones or mp3 players are regulars at the dinner table.

 

[rockys-mumma]

I mean my cousin puts her 2 year old in het buggy in front of the tv with crisps and a bottle all day (not exagerating) now thats lazy parenting

Exactly! We all want whats best for our LOs and calling parents lazy for allowing their child to play games on a phone/modern technology it really takes it away from what REALLY is lazy.


Ps, thanks to KV for saying everything I want to say but can't be bothered to type it on my phone lol

 

[Emzywemzy]

I don't think too much of anything is good. I think too much iPad is clearly detrimental as they'd miss out on lots of other things like learning to write on paper, etc but the same applies in reverse too I think. Everything in moderation I say

 

[KittyVentura]

Is it really that bad I think its fine in.moderation and can be educational I mean my cousin puts her 2 year old in het buggy in front of the tv with crisps and a bottle all day (not exagerating) now thats lazy parenting

That's neglectful a renting, not lazy

 

[Randianne]

I'll admit it: I have the Fisher Price Apptivity iPhone case and I let my LO watch the apps on it sometimes while I'm busy. It's nothing crazy: It shows animals and then makes their sounds, another one counts, says the alphabet, etc. She never has it for long. I realize that's probably controversial. I do it partially because she is obsessed with phones and this is a way for her to be able to play with it without damaging it. I already lost one phone to baby drool.

This is the case:

 

[overcomer79]

Robinator, I'll jump in!

I actually don't have as much of a problem with iPads etc in principle as I do with TV, although both are technically classed as screens by medical organisations.

I think interactive apps can be valuable - the kid has to participate and think, rather than just watch. But I can't see the value of those under the age of about two, just because for the kid to be able to get real value out of it, they need a certain level of understanding. Like, there's an app of the book Goodnight Moon, with all sorts of cute extra features, like sounds and pictures moving and extra word learning stuff. I think that's pretty cool.

The biggest problem I have with them is that they seem to be incredibly addictive. Maybe not to all kids, but to some/most. I can't count the number of times I've seen kids begging/harassing their parents for the phone/iPad. Unlike a TV screen, they can go anywhere, so you're not even safe from the demands when you leave the house.

My four-year-old nephew is allowed to play Angry Birds on his dad's phone as a reward/treat (although it seems to get wheeled out quite a lot). I showed him a really simple fishpond app I had on mine. BIG MISTAKE. From that moment forward, at least 10 times a day he would want my phone to 'play the fish game', even though really, it was barely a game at all. And when I said, "No", the request would be repeated again and again as if he hadn't heard me. Veeeeery tiresome. It taught me that if you don't want a child to harass you endlessly for something, don't let them know it exists in the first place. That's why my kids will never be getting my phone to play with. That's mine, they can have their own when they're old enough. Like 10.

My 10 year old won't be going around with a cell phone. We will provide them with prepaids when they learn to drive. If they want a full dataplan etc THEY can pay for it!