Giving Up for Adoption

[Butterfly89]

To make a long story short, I don't have the financial or emotional means to support a child. After a lot of long, hard thinking, I have decided I have to give the baby up for adoption. I have some questions about the process.

Do I have any say in who gets the baby? Can I be a part of the screening process or do they just take the baby and run away? Can I have access to information about the new parents and their history, references, etc?

I don't want an open adoption, I don't want my child knowing about me in any way or ever contacting me. I just want them to tell the child they were wanted and loved from the beginning but that I wanted to give them a better life. That's all.

But I am so afraid they will be placed in an abusive home or something terrible like you hear these stories of. Is there any way I can be involved? I am even thinking of hiring a private investigator to check them out. Is that illegal?

 

[Butterfly89]

Also I realize how ironic this is since my last thread here was ABOUT adopting. I'll keep it short by saying, life has changed in the worst ways.

 

[sunshinelds]

I'm in the US, so I'm not sure in Canada, but I do know of LDS Family Services in the US and Canada. You get to pick all the options with them. I think you can even look at profiles (of couples looking to adopt) online without providing any contact info, but I may be incorrect.
I've had friends on both sides (giving and receiving, and those just inquiring for that matter) work through them and I've always heard positive things.

I have the highest respect and love for birth mothers. I hope you find what you're needing and looking for and all works out.

 

[Lu28]

To the OP, I don't have any advice I'm afraid as I'm in a different jurisdiction but I have seen your other thread and the bit in your signature showing how long you were TTC. It sounds like things have been very difficult recently and you have been faced with a hard situation. But you do have time to really think this through before you make such a big decision. Make sure it's really what you think is right and not a reaction to your current circumstances. Sending lots of love and hugs xxx

 

[Vickie]

posts have been removed per forum rules & TOS:

Solicitation or propositions of surrogacy, adoption or sperm donorship using the forums, private messages, or signatures features is strictly prohibited.

 

[velo]

As someone who is investigating the possibilities of adopting a baby in Canada, the answer is yes, in Canada you do get to choose the adoptive parents. There are four licensed adoption agencies I believe and a quick google search should reveal who they are. You can choose the amount of openness in the adoption, or if you want it to be closed. The prospective parents should be well screened by the agency and a home study.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Needababynow]

If you need someone to talk to feel free to email me: [email protected]

Adoption is an emotional option not only for the birth mother but also the person receiving the baby! Be strong and have faith that it all works out!

 

[BabyBerriault]

This must of been a hard decision for you.
Depending where in Canada or on the agency ( if you choose to have one) you get to choose your options. Have a say in the parents you want in the baby's life.
Best of luck.
If you want to talk about anything you can send me a private message.

 

[brumbar]

Hun, if there's a will there's a way!
Please make sure you take time to consider everything!things may look very scary now but everything will fall into place! My friend had no job whan she fell pregnant and they lived on next to nothing with not much help from parents and nothing from the government as they werent entitled to it! They still made it , they are excellent parents to a wonderful boy and recently had a second baby! Yes, they don't have much but they are a very happy family with very happy children!
Xxx

 

[Tiff]

Coming from someone who was adopted, the decision to not want your child to contact you or know about you could have some very devastating effects on them. I want to say I understand where you are coming from but I really don't.

My birth mother gave me up, had ample opportunities to try and find me... had CAS contact her a few times to let her know that I was wanting to find her and each time the door was slammed in my face. It was utterly heartbreaking. Granted, I do not have a reason as to why she wants nothing to do with me.

Its your choice ultimately, but if you do want that door to be forever closed (which you can do thanks to the new laws surrounding adoption in Canada) please have placed in your child's folder the reasons why. I'm sure anything - even if it was that seeing me was too painful - would be better than what I'm left to my own devices to try and figure out.

Also, if you can include as MUCH as you can about your family medical history (and baby's father as well) that would be a godsend. All I have is that my maternal and paternal families were in "relative good health". I'm so tired of being at a hospital or being asked questions about things that run in my family and I have no idea. Rather than come off as someone who doesn't care about their family history I feel compelled to bring up the whole adoption thing.



Hope you have a healthy and happy 9 months. I do agree that its the greatest act of love.

 

[Openhearts]

Post has been removed per forum rules & TOS:

Solicitation or propositions of surrogacy, adoption or sperm donorship using the forums, private messages, or signatures features is strictly prohibited.

 

[faronsmom]

Deleted.

 

[Tiff]

Thread closed seeing as people are not abiding by the TOS.

You may NOT solicit or propose any sort of adoption agreement with another member on this site.