Going back to work...daycare...

[writingislove]

How many moms here have to go back to work/are back at work full-time and have their babies in daycare? My LO is going to daycare full-time the day she turns 3 months and I'm devastated about it. We can't afford for me to not be working. I'm sending her to a very small daycare where a friend's kids have gone, so I'm not worried about trusting the provider. What I'm most worried about is that it will hurt my bond with my daughter. We'll go from spending all day together, every day, to her being with someone else 10 hours a day. When I think about it, it brings me to tears. I feel like I'm getting depressed over it. So, I guess I'm just looking for support, advice, whatever from moms in similar situations...

 

[zorak]

My son started daycare at 18 weeks. Honestly it worked out well for us. Things you can do to nurture the bond are continue to breastfeed if possible, cosleeping and baby wearing. I did work shorter days than you but another thing I did was hire a cleaner bi weekly so all my home time was as focused on baby as possible.

 

[MindUtopia]

It's a bit different as my daughter was a bit older when she started (9 months), but my suggestion would be, if it's at all possible, to ease into it if you can. Rather than starting full-time from the start, could you do 3 days a week for the first month or two? That gives you both time to adjust. We started just 2 mornings a week at first, then moved to 3 full days after two months (then I worked part-time until she was 2, mostly because of finances, we couldn't afford to send her 5 days with me working so I worked in evenings and some weekends to save on childcare).

Beyond that, I would say, make the most of the time you have together and really emphasize things that work on bonding and attachment when you are home from work. We were bedsharing anyway, but the time we had together during the night became even more important when I hadn't been with her during the day. If you can find ways to keep her close during the night, make bedtimes really special with lots of cuddles and time together, wear her in a wrap while you make breakfast or do whatever you need to do around the house so that you aren't missing out on that close contact just because you need to make breakfast or do some housework. I definitely second the idea of a cleaner if you can afford it.

I work full-time now, but even when I was still working part-time, we also really made weekends about family time. Honestly, we don't plan a lot during the weekends that means either of us is off doing something not part of the family, so we each have less time for ourselves and we see friends less. But we make weekend time very much about being together as a family and I think that helped too.

 

[writingislove]

Thanks. There is no possibility of my easing into it by going part time, and we can't afford a cleaner. But I will definitely make the most of my time with her. Does it make you sad to only have a couple of hours a day with your LOs? Does that get easier with time?

 

[afisppq]

Yeah unfortunately for those of us in the US we kind of have no choice but to go back after 12 weeks I'm in the same boat as you! I have to go back to work in 2 more weeks and I'm not excited about it. I have an almost 4 year old who didn't have to go to daycare until 6 months old because my mom was able to help and even then she still watched part time until she was 10 months. That made the transition so much easier but unfortunately she can't help this time around so I'm a little nervous as well...daycare has been the best thing for my 4yo though! She was sick A LOT but she's so smart and very independent because of it. So it does get easier as they get older. It's hard not having a lot of time in the evening but we bed shared with or dd and currently bed share with our ds and that definitely helps. Once they start staying up later you'll get more time in the evenings. Try to keep dinner simple and go to bed early to get more cuddle time in! If I could stay home I would but that's just not financially possible!

 

[jtink28]

i went back to work when my son was almost 4 months old, but i only worked for 3 months because i had a health issue that forced me to quit. i ended up just staying home even though money was very tight (and still is!).

my suggestions are to use your crock pot for dinners (the best invention ever!), and freeze some make-ahead meals that you can pop in the oven, etc. that helped me, because then i wasn't spending my baby's time with me cooking. i continued to BF, and we co-slept so i could feel that bond. your baby won't forget you, and your bond won't go away. they know who their mommy is, i promise. it's hard. i cried every day dropping my son off for maybe 2 weeks. it was awful. but it gets easier and you get into a routine, and your LO will be fine. she'll love playing with the other babies, and she will adjust so easily. i think it's the parents that have a harder time. hugs!