Going to court-advice from those who have been

[JA1988]

As the title suggests, after months of disagreements, FOB being verbally and emotionally abusive, FOB not being in contact, me having to stop contact due to verbal and emotional abuse, me offering MULTIPLE proposals of different visitation schedules giving him the choice of different days, varying lengths of time, weekdays, weekends, every week, every fortnight, 3 weekends out of 4 etc. FOB is STILL not in agreement with anything I offer, doesn't want visitations taking place in any public venues such as cafe's, parks etc I have run out of options and his verbal abuse has worn me down.

He is saying that he doesn't agree with anything I have proposed and so has started court proceedings so I am awaiting a court date, but does anyone know how it goes from here?

You can see from the ticker how young my lo is, FOB is long distance (3 hours away), I am still BF on demand and I have been more than cooperative in terms of offering him all the options under the sun when it comes to visitation.

So I guess my question is, will it even go as far as a judge if I am readily offering access, will they expect FOB and me to reach an agreement through mediation if access is not being denied and will it get to a point where if I am readily offering contact and FOB is not happy with this, will they just tell him to accept what I am offering (if it is deemed fair and reasonable) or will they just go with what he wants.

He is wanting unsupervised, once a month for at least 4 hours at a time, I have been offering fortnightly or every week (whichever he prefers) for 3 hours and gradually increasing in time, supervised by myself given that LO still bf and meeting in public places.

What can I expect from here in terms of time scales, what a judge will order etc?

 

[tiggertiger]

he will be told to go with your arrangement as you are beening seen to be reasonable the judge will not be happy with him making it so hard for you to come to an arrangement

 

[JA1988]

Have you been through mediation/court before? Several people have told me that as long as I am not denying access (which I'm not!) and as long as what I'm offering is reasonable and frequent, then I should have no worries, but someone said to me that it can obviously all depend on the judge and I suppose it is that that concerns me!

 

[tiggertiger]

i,m going thru it at the minute and the judge will not be to happy with him demanding things as it can be seen as controlling i am sure as long as you can prove your being helpful and willing to contact that youll have no probs

 

[JA1988]

i,m going thru it at the minute and the judge will not be to happy with him demanding things as it can be seen as controlling i am sure as long as you can prove your being helpful and willing to contact that youll have no probs

Sorry to hear that, I'm not looking forwards to it but I can't wait until everything is sorted. I haven't even got a court date or anything yet, my solicitor says the first step will be CAFCASS getting in touch with me to hear my side and what I am offering in terms of contact etc and then they will take it from there. Has it been a long process?

 

[tiggertiger]

yeah ive been at it a year now but should be finished up soon hope you get thru it ok its not as bad as it seems

 

[anthonyD]

I have just began court proceedings against my daughters mother. She is due to receive a letter soon to inform her of this and to expect a acourt date.
Im totally new to this aswell
Is the other person legally obliged to turn up, what if she doesnt?

My ex is so controlling, she refuses to put my name on the birth certificate because I 'dont deserve it'.
I see my daughter when she allows, I havenet seen her for over a fortnight now. Im allowed with her in my house and as far as the park aslong as I get her permission. No night stays. My dughter has only met my family once when she was 3 months old, shes 2 now.

I really dont know what to expect from the courts, im trying to read as much as posible.
I love my daughter so much and just want the best for her and to be part of her life. My ex denies this because she doesnt like me, simple as.

 

[JA1988]

anthony d- from what I gather it is a very lengthy proccess. Court will most likely grant you parental responsiblity and add your name to the birth certificate as long as you can prove that you are/have been a dedicated father. They will like to see that you have tried your hardest to make arrangements for visitation etc with your daughters mother, have you been using a solicitor to try and reach an agreement? Also it helps if you have a savings account setup for your daughter to prove that you are also concerned with providing for your daughters financial wellbeing, all of these things will help.

In terms of overnights, is your daughter breastfed? As if so then that would most likely be why she is unwilling right now, but also I do think (and most mothers would probably agree) that 2 is still too young for overnights and it is unlikely from what I have been advised that a court would grant overnight stays so young. Usually they like a child to be old enough to understand a situation such as overnight stays and old enough to understand that she is not being taken away permanently from her mother and will be going back home.

Hope you get the outcome you are after.

 

[anthonyD]

I have tried my hardest, ive moved house to be near her, ive tried to set up set times and days through solicitors and between ourselves, but she wont go for it, I can have my daughter when my ex says, basically when shes going for a haircut or has shopping to do,uses me as a babysitter! My daughter isnt breastfed no. I understand that she might be too young for over nights. Im very confident we'd be fine though. When shes with me i cook for her, change her nappies, get her off to sleep, shes very comfortable with me. Yeah as I say I understand she might be too young, thats fine for the time being if the court say so. I would still like set times and days where I can take her to meet my family

 

[JA1988]

It definitely sounds like you've done all you can, in that case the courts will see you have tried and as long as your suggestions for contact are reasonable for your daughters age then the courts will probably order your ex to go with your suggestions. You should be able to have contact at least once a week and every other weekend for at least 3-4 hours at a time.