Grandparent wants to take DD on holiday.... Not sure to let her go... Advice please

[brownlieB]

Hi all,

I may have posted this already a while back but I can't find it, so anyway, here goes..

My mum rang me a few months ago asking if she could take DD away to a campsite for the weekend, in the summer, along with my neice. DD will be almost 4 (she turns 4 first week of Sept, she wants to take her in August)

I was a bit hesitant and not to keen, as she's only ever stayed away overnight or 2 nights max, at someones house, where I know the safety and the layout etc.

I told my mum my reasons for being unsure, which are, that DD was too young to go away (in my eyes she'd still be 3 at that point all be it not only for a few more weeks but still I felt it was young)

My brother and his girlfriend are going too, and they are smokers and I worried someone might leave the door open when they go out for a cigarette, and hey presto DD gone!

DD and my niece don't exactly get on anyway, and my LO always gets the blame even though she's 3 yrs younger for making the other one cry!! And honestly it's for things like she shouted at her cousin! WTF you're 3yrs older shout back show her who's boss!

My mum has always seemed to "struggle" looking after DD too, for example she had her saturday-monday while DH and I went away as Hubby was running a half marathon, in those two days I was away, I got texts that DD had possibly swallowed a hairband, that she's argued with her cousin, and keeps making her cry, that she thinks she has tonisillitis and needs calpol "what one do I get her?" (It says on the label the age group) she's fallen and hurt herself 6 times!! and that she vommited too.

When I finally got home, after the most nerve wrecking non relaxed weekend, I found DD absolutely fine, a little bruise from one of her falls no temp no swallowed hairbands and the vommit was a one off, to which my mum swears isn't down to letting her eat too many sweets and crap, but strangely has cleared with no sign of a virus lingering!!

And she wonders why I don't want her going for 4 days!!


My mums arguments are that she won't let her out of her sight ever, and even when she goes to shower in the morning if it comes to it she'll take DD with her.... I don't want or like the idea of this, DD is becoming very aware of body parts lately and I don't want her seeing her Nanna naked.

She also said (get this) she loves DD more than me so she'd never let anything happen to her, that when she comes to stay with her she doesn't miss me anyway, if that's what i'm worried about and she thought it'll be a nice break for me and hubby as we are expecting number 2 in 7weeks.(I don't want DD being seen as a burden and need to be taken away so mummy can have a "break" with the new baby)

So anyway after a lot of badgering off my mum, as to how much DD will love it and she'll be fine, I caved and agreed to a weekend away, which was pick up Friday home by Sunday, I thought I could handle that, but then mum text and said all the weekend dates were taken, so she's had to go for a midweek break which is 4 days pick up Monday home on Thursday!!

I then changed my mind and said no sorry I did say weekend only, not happy for her to go, to which she replied well it's paid for now, so hope you change your mind, think on it, she'll have so much fun, I had lots planned blah blah blah.

So I left it at I would see how I feel nearer the time, and decide then.

So we're on the phone today and I mention about I was meant to go on a hen do on the 9th of August but I don't want to go now, because it won't be practical with LO being 12wks old, and she said well don't forget DD's holiday with me is on the 19th of August you won't want to go away and then come back and then have her go on holiday, you won't see her much.

(I'll explain now the hen do is one night in London, for some reason my mum assumed I was swanning off for a week) and I don't remember giving a decision that DD could go on this blasted holiday anyway!

Would you let your 3yr old go on holiday at that age?

Kind of a rant kind of just need someone to say yeah your right I wouldn't do it either!

Hubby has said if i'm not happy then don't let her go, he's not overly enthusiastic with the idea either!

what would you do?

 

[RoseArcana]

I think I would consider it with my MIL and my mum.. But the situation you describe wouldn't make me comfortable. How dare she say DD loves her more? I wouldn't going by what you described but you know best x

 

[Bex84]

I personally wouldn't but its about what you are comfortable with. I think I would be worried about it being camping as not exactly toddler safety friendly, I wouldn't want to be away from lo that long any way. Don't let her bully you into something you are uncomfortable with

 

[jodilee6]

I have a great relationship with both sets of LOs grandparents so wouldn't think twice if they wanted to take him away, but then he has stayed overnight/weekend with them both regularly

In the situation you've described, no I wouldn't be happy, even less so if your OH isn't happy (I've learnt that's a sure sign something isn't right if OH isn't happy as generally he doesn't have an opinion and just leaves it all up to me to decide)

Ultimately it's up to you but if you have even the teeniest bit of doubt you really won't relax until LO is home with you x

 

[katy1310]

I definitely wouldn't. My LO has just turned 4 and she's never even stayed one night away from me before and I still don't feel she's ready to. She has an amazing relationship with my parents, and I trust them with her 100% - they are completely careful with her, respect my wishes etc but I would still feel nervous of them taking her away for a few nights, purely because I'd worry in case she missed home, being in a strange place without DH and me etc.

Don't feel pressurised into something you're not comfortable with xxxx

 

[Boomerslady]

I think the fact you're evening having to ask means your not happy with it. Every parent and child is different, for example my mum has never had Ben overnight and I'd say no. However FOB lives with his mum and Ben spends half the week there and I'd consider that because I trust her 100% and she knows him inside out.

Don't be pushed into a corner, if you don't want her to go, she won't regardless of if your mum booked it without checking first!

 

[Natasha2605]

With my mother, yes I would. My mum took Summer to Greece for a fortnight at the age of two. But I trust my mother with my life and know her care of my children is top notch.

In your situation as you described, not a chance in hell.

 

[emyandpotato]

With my mum yes I would but we live with her and she's brilliant with him so I don't have the same trust issues that you guys have. With my MIL though I probably wouldn't. Don't feel pressured, you're obviously not okay with it! Have you asked your LO what she thinks?

 

[bumpbear]

If you have to talk yourself in to it, it's probably not the right thing. Go with your gut and if it's a no, don't be guilt tripped in to it.

 

[seoj]

I don't think I'd be comfy with it- I've only ever been away from DD for 2 nights before- but I went to Cali for my Mom's memorial there with all my extended family- and left LO with hubby at home (and I fully trust him to care for her)-- so it's a bit different. I'm going on a girls trip in May for 4 days- only really away from LO for 2 full days and nights- and again, leaving her home with hubby. So there is no concern on my end.

If allowing LO to go would only cause me worry and stress- then heck no!!! I want to fully trust the person I am leaving her with. Obviously things can happen- even in the best of care (myself included)- but, I would trust my MIL for sure- but camping, IDK, that seems a bit young at barely 4yrs... unless I was there

 

[supertabby]

Personally I'd happily let DD (she's 3 this week) go on holiday with my mum or mil, however they babysit regularly and have a great relationship. They keep her safe and while she might get "grandparent perogative" treats like cake etc they don't make her sick on them - it's one treat after dinner etc.

Your situation sounds very different to ours though from what you describe, and in those circumstances I probably wouldn't feel relaxed about it. If you're uncomfortable with it then say no.

 

[brownlieB]

Yeah thanks everyone,

Just to be clear she didn't say my DD loves her more than me she said she loves DD more than she loves me, as in my mum loves her grandaughter more than her own daughter (not that that's any better) and whoever posted OH don't usually have an opinion so if they do it's a sign you're right on that one.

She does have regular contact and stay with mum regularly but everytime there's a problem, like my mum thinks it's her child so disrespects everything I ask of her from bed time routine to co sleeping, to taking her to a party without my permission.

Another long story but basically she took her to her neighbours house(18months old) as they were having a party for a 2yr old, at 10pm when I eventually tracked her down, her excuse was I never usually call to check on her and she thought I wouldn't mind! WTF I swear she's not all there.

So you're all very lucky to have mums you can trust, for the record though my mil and fil are saints as is my dad and his wife! xxx

 

[lovelylaura]

With my MIL and FIL yes. They are all going away for a weekend in july this year Poppy will be a week off 3 and freya almost 2. But They stay every 5/6 weeks for a night due to our work and they know my girls inside out and have no problems with them at all. My mum and dad i feel slightly different about as they don't have a strong bond with them and tbh i'm not sure my mum could cope with them without getting stressed and possibly telling them off alot. Only you can answer it. If you have a gut feeling go with it.

 

[Damita]

Mmmm maybe in the future - I know my mum wants to take lil away for a week like my younger brothers grandparents did with him but not until she is 5... I would be uncomfortable with what you described though... My mil never goes on hol..

Saying that lil hasn't stayed a night away yet but will do for number 2 birth

Do what your comfortable with

 

[RoseArcana]

Oh sorry OP. I misread that part x

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Hi all,

DD and my niece don't exactly get on anyway, and my LO always gets the blame even though she's 3 yrs younger for making the other one cry!! And honestly it's for things like she shouted at her cousin! WTF you're 3yrs older shout back show her who's boss!

My mum has always seemed to "struggle" looking after DD too, for example she had her saturday-monday while DH and I went away as Hubby was running a half marathon, in those two days I was away, I got texts that DD had possibly swallowed a hairband, that she's argued with her cousin, and keeps making her cry, that she thinks she has tonisillitis and needs calpol "what one do I get her?" (It says on the label the age group) she's fallen and hurt herself 6 times!! and that she vommited too.


what would you do?

I wouldnt and for the reasons you've mentioned above. I know grandparents can be more than capable but I wouldnt be happy with this. I have not read rest of the replies to this thread but just wanted to give you my two pence worth.

 

[kelkel]

I would have no problem letting my los go. my kids love their grandparents (and like any grand parent they slide the candy and sweets to them) and they also let them get away with more then I would allow. but my kids also alreadey know I can do ... at grammas but nit at home.
Ohh and to add my mil absolutly has said she loves her grand kids more then her own son (even right in front of him my husband doesnt mind though at least thats what he says)

 

[sandilion]

Going by what you have posted OP - in your situation i wouldn't let your DD go ... no way. Your mother sounds like a piece of work TBH.....She's treating your DD as if she is her mother, not you. She has no right to take your DD to other peoples houses while you're not aware. I think your mother needs to know her place. Don't let her bully you into taking your DD. She's your child, not hers.

 

[kerrie24]

I think like you,I would be moee comfortable with 2 dats.Is there no way you or oh can drive your daughter there late or pick her up early so she doesn't have the full week?

 

[caz_hills]

As much as I know grandparents would be great looking after LO I personally couldn't let him be away with someone else. Stay over maybe but not go away - but then I know I'm quite a clingy mum so I'd expect myself to say that. Why don't you all go, then the grandparents get to be with you all? x