Guilt...

[W8ing4ours]

I've been pumping for 13 months and 10 days (but who's counting?!). My son was born at 30 weeks with severe IUGR, 2.0 lbs and only 13 inches. I tried harder to nurse him, for months and months, than anything I've ever tried to do. He just never got the hang of it, always had reflux/ swallowing issues, and could never manage the flow. So, i pumped on. I figure I've pumped almost 3000 times since he was born. At one point a few months ago the entire deep freezer was full, and somehow blew a fuze, and it ALL thawed. I had to throw away over 1600 ounces, yes, 1600 ounces. So, it's been quite a road. Every single month when i ovulate my supply dips drastically and i have to power pump for days to get it back. i live on fenugreek and blessed thistle just to make barely enough. My son will be 1 year adjusted in a few weeks and I'm ready to be done. Lately at night, when I'm still up hours after I should have gone to sleep, to pump one last time or I won't have enough milk for the night, I have actually been nauseated from not wanting to pump anymore. I feel SO guilty at the thought of stopping. Why? It's been almost 14 months,,when is enough, enough? I don't know how to stop the guilt, I'm ready to be done, I just thought I could find some support here, that someone agrees I've done enough...

 

[staralfur]

You've done amazingly well. Pumping is SO hard, let alone pumping all the time for 13 months! That is something you should be incredibly proud of.

To be honest I'm not sure if the guilt ever really goes away. I've been nursing my LO for almost 3 years and I sometimes feel bad for feeling done with it. But try to focus on the fact that you've given your LO the very best start.

 

[noon_child]

You have nothing to feel guilty for. Your child was born early and hadn't developed the skills he needed to feed himself. As his Mum you did everything you could to help him do the thing he couldn't manage - you extracted the milk for him. You sacrificed your sleep, convenience and sanity all for him!

You should be incredibly proud. Pumping is so hard. Your needs are important too and I think your child wouldn't want you to be unhappy.

 

[Bevziibubble]

You have done so well and have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. You are so dedicated to have pumped for so long, I can't imagine how much hard work that must be. Well done!!

 

[shinona]

You are a legend and please try not to feel guilt but rather feel pride that you have given your lo the very best start in life. What dedication! Well done xx

 

[Rhiannon137]

You are a rock star who has gone to amazing lengths to feed your baby breastmilk. You should feel no guilt. My condolences on the loss of your freezer stash. OUCH!

I understand somewhat how you're feeling. I just stopped pumping after doing it exclusively for 11 months, and I never imagined I would feel anything but overjoyed at the thought of stopping. However, I felt oddly sad and guilty during the process. One thing that has helped a lot is that I now have a lot more time to relax and have fun with ds. I'm also able to get more sleep, which makes me function better as a parent.

It's a hard decision but one you should make with no guilt. Good luck.

 

[ShakeItBaby1]

You should not fee guilty at all! 13 months of pumping is so amazing! Most mothers would've given up by now. Especially when they lost 1600 ounces of breast milk! I know I would've probably had a complete melt down. I cried when I spilled 6 ounces, let alone 1600. I hated pumping, I couldn't stand it. I hated everything from trying to nurse one side & pump the other, having to wash all the parts, having to worry about pumping at work...so my hat is off to you. I gave up pumping at aabot 4 months..

 

[Kiwiberry]

That is a lot of breastmilk to lose for sure, I am so sorry that happened to you.
You did so great mama feeding your baby, it is ok for you to stop.

 

[helloeveryone]

WELL DONE for pumping for that long,

Please don't feel guilty, you have done so well

I think everyone feels a bit guilty when the time to stop comes...
I know I did !!!

 

[W8ing4ours]

Aww, you guys are the best, I really needed to hear all of this! I'm down to just 3 pumps a day now, my milk is drying up already, I'm so sad but ds is loving the pediasure, so it's making it easier. His ped is worried about his weight gain so we are holding off on whole milk and just giving him the highest calorie diet we can right now. Anyhow, thank you all from the bottom of my heart

 

[RaspberryK]

I must be super hormonal but I cried when I read your post. You're amazing you have no reason at all to feel even the tiniest bit guilty.
Xx