Guilt...

[Jox]

i feel the same and worry about the day Beanie has to become priorty over Kasper.

Kasper will always have my special love but when Beanie is here it will all change.

xxx

 

[lori]

Huge for all of you. Reading all of your posts made me so sad but kind of relieved that I'm not alone at the same time.

My first would have been due this month and I still miss him terribly. Everytime my little guy kicks I feel so happy, but then guilty because this was supposed to be such an exciting time with my first baby. Then I feel guilty again for not fully enjoying every moment with this baby. It's a no-win situation. I haven't really made peace with any of it, but I like to think that my angel is looking out for his baby brother, and I thank him for making space for someone very special in our family.

 

[anteater]

I wrote a letter to my first baby on its due date (I was pregnant again by then) and got out the few little things that had been bought for it (babygrows, a toy and 2 books). I wrote how it would always been in our family's circle of love (including my dead grandparents) and was very special to all of us. I thanked it for passing on its things to the new baby and asked if it could help this baby come into the world and feel our love through it. I then folded the letter up and burnt it in the garden at sunset.

This wasn't something I planned to do, it just felt right at the time. It did help me feel some sort of closure, while still holding my first baby very much in my heart.

Don't feel guilty. I still wish I could have both my babies, but I will be happy if I get at least one healthy one that I can hold in my arms and love and nurture. Love is eternal and being pregnant again doesn't diminish the love for the lost one.

In fact, if anything, I have felt guilty because my first baby felt more real than this one. That changed when we saw it on the scan. I could finally believe it was really there. My first will always be special and the innocence of the joy of pregnancy without knowing about loss will never return to me.

 

[summer rain]

Drazic please don't feel guilty; I know how hard you grieved for Edan, felt guilty at the time you were somehow responsible, and I remember telling you that in some ways you were being too hard on yourself at the time. I know its not easy, we had to 'leave' our little one behind as we buried him or her in the garden of our old house; and my husband still feels guilty about that. You have a right to enjoy this pregnancy and a new baby; it will not detract from your love or grief for Edan at all....

 

[T'elle]

just wanted to send u all big xxx