guilt :(

[nicksi27]

Hi ladies
We had our baby on saturday - we had a beautiful baby boy and decided to call him jacob. He was perfect size for his age and perfectly formed - he actually looked like his dad. I just don't know how to feel - I feel like I'm losing my mind with guilt, guilt that I failed him. He died in the last few days before the scan and I'm terrified that it was my body that starved him of oxygen or something because before this tragedy he was a bouncing baby on his 12 week scan and he had a strong heartbeat at 16 weeks. No matter how many times the doctors tell me protein and slightly raised BP or UTI had nothing to do with it I can't see how this is right - how can a baby just die for no reason. I read on my notes that the scan revealed his brain was too small and I've googled this and a cause for this is being starved of oxygen which can be a result of BP problems etc.... I don't know Its like I need to blame someone and the only person is me and my stupid, incapable body I feel like this is gonna happen again and again if we tried again but alls I want is to be pregnant again xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
Guilt is one of the emotions we go through after a tragedy like this it was not and is not your fault. I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, I also had HBP and they did not give me a cause why she died. Maybe my pressure got to high and that is why i lost her I will never know, but you can't blame yourself. You and I would never knowingly hurt our babies. It is just an awful horrible tragedy that happened. Good things will happen for you so please don't ever blame yourself, it was not your fault.
XOOXO I am so sorry

 

[Bride2b]

Hi ladies
We had our baby on saturday - we had a beautiful baby boy and decided to call him jacob. He was perfect size for his age and perfectly formed - he actually looked like his dad. I just don't know how to feel - I feel like I'm losing my mind with guilt, guilt that I failed him. He died in the last few days before the scan and I'm terrified that it was my body that starved him of oxygen or something because before this tragedy he was a bouncing baby on his 12 week scan and he had a strong heartbeat at 16 weeks. No matter how many times the doctors tell me protein and slightly raised BP or UTI had nothing to do with it I can't see how this is right - how can a baby just die for no reason. I read on my notes that the scan revealed his brain was too small and I've googled this and a cause for this is being starved of oxygen which can be a result of BP problems etc.... I don't know Its like I need to blame someone and the only person is me and my stupid, incapable body I feel like this is gonna happen again and again if we tried again but alls I want is to be pregnant again xx

Guilt like amanda says is a HUGE part of this process. We all feel guilt, we all feel we need to find out why/how, was it something I did...... its so normal. Feeling guilty only hurts more in the long run. I assume they have done tests and will give you a follow up to see if they know what caused it. Sometimes losses happen for no medical reason. They found no cause for my loss, many of the ladies on here also had no reason for their loss. Its horrible not having an answer, but the light at the end of the tunnel is that the chances of it happening again is 0.1% (from statistics taken from second tri losses). When there is no medical reason you try and find something you have done, but usually there is nothing you could have done. Thats very hard to accept. I'm just accepting it now, but then have ups and downs.

Thinking of you and baby Jacob at this time xx

 

[dancareoi]

Hi ladies
We had our baby on saturday - we had a beautiful baby boy and decided to call him jacob. He was perfect size for his age and perfectly formed - he actually looked like his dad. I just don't know how to feel - I feel like I'm losing my mind with guilt, guilt that I failed him. He died in the last few days before the scan and I'm terrified that it was my body that starved him of oxygen or something because before this tragedy he was a bouncing baby on his 12 week scan and he had a strong heartbeat at 16 weeks. No matter how many times the doctors tell me protein and slightly raised BP or UTI had nothing to do with it I can't see how this is right - how can a baby just die for no reason. I read on my notes that the scan revealed his brain was too small and I've googled this and a cause for this is being starved of oxygen which can be a result of BP problems etc.... I don't know Its like I need to blame someone and the only person is me and my stupid, incapable body I feel like this is gonna happen again and again if we tried again but alls I want is to be pregnant again xx

I am so sorry for you loss

You must NEVER NEVER NEVER blame yourself.

We all do this, I do it too. Was it something I did or ate etc, but it is none of these things.

Nothing you did or didn`t do caused this to happen.

I am no medical expert, but maybe if Jacob was starved of oxygen it could have been due to the cord, perhaps it was too tightly coiled. I don`t know if that happens, but that would certainly not be caused by anything you did or didn`t do.

The blaming is all part of the grieiving, which for you is in the very early stages.

There are plenty of lovely ladies who are here for you if you want to shout, scream, cry or anything else you may wish to do.

Sending big hugs

 

[MaevesMummy]

Hi ladies
We had our baby on saturday - we had a beautiful baby boy and decided to call him jacob. He was perfect size for his age and perfectly formed - he actually looked like his dad. I just don't know how to feel - I feel like I'm losing my mind with guilt, guilt that I failed him. He died in the last few days before the scan and I'm terrified that it was my body that starved him of oxygen or something because before this tragedy he was a bouncing baby on his 12 week scan and he had a strong heartbeat at 16 weeks. No matter how many times the doctors tell me protein and slightly raised BP or UTI had nothing to do with it I can't see how this is right - how can a baby just die for no reason. I read on my notes that the scan revealed his brain was too small and I've googled this and a cause for this is being starved of oxygen which can be a result of BP problems etc.... I don't know Its like I need to blame someone and the only person is me and my stupid, incapable body I feel like this is gonna happen again and again if we tried again but alls I want is to be pregnant again xx

You know everything you feel is normal. I felt like this too. /It was not your fault. You can not control your BP. I also felt I wanted to be pregnant again. You need to research pre-eclampsia, and speak to your consultant about your next pregnancy if this helps. Have they tested you for clotting disorders? If not I would request this. Also ask about a daily dose of 75mg asprin. /it is not your fault. just do what you need to, to get by xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[DueSeptember]

Hi ladies
We had our baby on saturday - we had a beautiful baby boy and decided to call him jacob. He was perfect size for his age and perfectly formed - he actually looked like his dad. I just don't know how to feel - I feel like I'm losing my mind with guilt, guilt that I failed him. He died in the last few days before the scan and I'm terrified that it was my body that starved him of oxygen or something because before this tragedy he was a bouncing baby on his 12 week scan and he had a strong heartbeat at 16 weeks. No matter how many times the doctors tell me protein and slightly raised BP or UTI had nothing to do with it I can't see how this is right - how can a baby just die for no reason. I read on my notes that the scan revealed his brain was too small and I've googled this and a cause for this is being starved of oxygen which can be a result of BP problems etc.... I don't know Its like I need to blame someone and the only person is me and my stupid, incapable body I feel like this is gonna happen again and again if we tried again but alls I want is to be pregnant again xx

Aww I dont blame yourself...My BP was up the whole time I was pregnant...My water broke at 23 weeks but I am not sure if my BP caused it my Doctor told me it just Happens...My Baby girl Died at 24 weeks I know Losing a Baby is overwhelming take some time to Heal Sorry for your Loss precious little Jacob