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- Sep 15, 2013
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Hey, I just needed to vent. Obviously one look at my sig will tell you I desperately want a boy. My mom is Thai, and I see how that first born son Asian syndrome really played into my brother with my grandmother and my mother. SO has always said he wants two boys and then a girl, and even considered putting up the money to make that happen. His parents also value boys over girls. Personally, I would just be thrilled to have a healthy baby. But the thought of disappointing all of these people with a girl is weighing on me. I have nightmares where I get my bfp and then get told it is a girl, wish terrible things, and terrible things happen. I feel so bad that I am sending that energy into the world, especially having had three losses and knowing how much it hurt to go through that. I should be praying for a bfp, not praying for a bfp if and only if it's a boy. I know I'm stressing over nothing since I'm still TTC, but I just needed to air my dirty secret.
And obviously, I will be happy no matter what and my mom will come around. But SO has Aspergers. This isn't something he will learn to love or even learn to live with.
And obviously, I will be happy no matter what and my mom will come around. But SO has Aspergers. This isn't something he will learn to love or even learn to live with.
I always wanted a boy first, and after losing my first baby, the second time around I didn't care what it was as long he/she was healthy! Don't' worry about disappointing others! I think as soon as your family sees your baby, regardless of the gender, they will see the blessing and miracle he/she is! 
