Guilty feelings for not managing a vaginal birth

[Samaraj]

I felt the exact same way.

My Birth story is in my signature.

 

[hakunamatata]

Great thread. Thanks to all the contributors.

 

[Arisa]

hi there, just thought I would add that even with a planned C-section you can feel like a failure. My section was booked for next week but I ended up with a rushed emcs due to severe pre-e. It has left me with feelings of post traumatic stress along side feeling like a big fat failure who cannot get up in the night to change her nappy, feed her and clothe her without help. I cannot just pick her up out of her crib and go for a walk with her or a drive. I cannot look after her because I am recovering from surgery and it breaks my heart
i hope it gets better as time goes on

 

[BintUmmi]

hi there, just thought I would add that even with a planned C-section you can feel like a failure. My section was booked for next week but I ended up with a rushed emcs due to severe pre-e. It has left me with feelings of post traumatic stress along side feeling like a big fat failure who cannot get up in the night to change her nappy, feed her and clothe her without help. I cannot just pick her up out of her crib and go for a walk with her or a drive. I cannot look after her because I am recovering from surgery and it breaks my heart
i hope it gets better as time goes on

It will get better trust me! I had the same feelings about not being able to pick my daughter up and do the basic things when she was first born. It won`t last long and when you are able to do everything on your own the novelty of changing dirty nappies will wear off fast! LOL xxx

 

[Arisa]

thank you so much bint, right now I would give anything to just be sick of nappies lol or able to walk baby up and down the house and change her on the nappy mat on the floor and so on but it seems each day is getting easier I mean four days post op and I am home and walking around very slowly but still..

 

[BintUmmi]

thank you so much bint, right now I would give anything to just be sick of nappies lol or able to walk baby up and down the house and change her on the nappy mat on the floor and so on but it seems each day is getting easier I mean four days post op and I am home and walking around very slowly but still..

Thats excellent! It is a slow recovery, but just rememeber at this age babies don`t do much anyway LOL so by the time your daughter is interacting, playing and doing all the fun stuff you will have no trouble doing all those things with her, and that`s what counts xxx

 

[Florance]

After 18 hours of labor, I was taken to the operating room for an emergency C-section due to fever and increase in baby's heart rate. My midwife was ready to ask me to try pushing, but because I developed a fever some hours ago and I got very exhausted from coping with contractions, plus baby's head was still not in a favourable position, the OB-GYN on duty was worried that it would take too long for me to push which might not be safe for the baby. I remember that I was so sick I couldn't even hold up a pen and sign the consent form for the operation properly. My hubby was really worried because I was shaking so badly and my fever didn't drop. When the OB-GYN took the baby out, I was so weak I didn't even bother looking for the baby. All I managed to do was to stay tuned to my baby's first cry (I wanted to make sure she was alright 'cause I was so sick and there was a chance for the baby to catch a fever). I was in the recovery room for two hours after the operation and I got some much needed rest. To this date, I still get looks from some people when they ask me how long I pushed and I told them I had a C-section. And then I have a friend whose baby was preterm and she had a C-section, and she always tell me how it is safer to go with a doctor instead of midwife as a primary caregiver during pregnancy because it is much better to have a doctor around when something goes wrong (I went with a midwife you see, and she wasn't very approved of that). It seems like there are always going to be people who want me to feel bad no matter what I do even though it was MY pregnancy; that actually caused me more disappointment then anything else. I feel left out sometimes when my friends talk about "pushing" (I pushed once before the OB-GYN called the section LOL!), but at the same time I am very thankful that the medical team respected my choice of natural birth and recommended a section for baby's and my safety when things didn't work out. When I feel that I'm missing out on the natural birth experience, I just have to look at beautiful baby girl and I feel better instantly.

 

[StephiiBaby]

I know exactly how you feel my little girl is almost 2, and i still feel very upset about the whole thing. I never bonded with her either as soon as i should, i suffered pnd and ptsd. I now suffer with separation anxiety. I dont blame it all on the csec but i think if id of had a natural birth i maybe wouldnt feel part of this. xx

 

[Arisa]

thank you so much bint, right now I would give anything to just be sick of nappies lol or able to walk baby up and down the house and change her on the nappy mat on the floor and so on but it seems each day is getting easier I mean four days post op and I am home and walking around very slowly but still..

Thats excellent! It is a slow recovery, but just rememeber at this age babies don`t do much anyway LOL so by the time your daughter is interacting, playing and doing all the fun stuff you will have no trouble doing all those things with her, and that`s what counts xxx

thank you so much, actually today i am really happy i had a section as i have no pain peeing or going number two lol and my scar is barely noticable, its like a small scratch smaller than my stretch marks, its like i have not had a baby delivered out of my stomach at all and best of all, no vaginal pain, tearing, scars or stitches

 

[BintUmmi]

I am glad you`re feeling more positive about your experience. I know when I really sat down and thought about it even though the recovery is tough there are so many things we thankfully missed out on with a c-section birth! At the end of the day, as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the most important is that our babies made it here safely and we got through delivering our babies safely.

And I can`t believe how small my incision is either, I was expecting some kind of slice right across my stomach but it is so small if it wasn`t for the mini pouch hanging over it (which is shrinking LOL!) then you could barely even notice it.

 

[Arisa]

I am glad you`re feeling more positive about your experience. I know when I really sat down and thought about it even though the recovery is tough there are so many things we thankfully missed out on with a c-section birth! At the end of the day, as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the most important is that our babies made it here safely and we got through delivering our babies safely.

And I can`t believe how small my incision is either, I was expecting some kind of slice right across my stomach but it is so small if it wasn`t for the mini pouch hanging over it (which is shrinking LOL!) then you could barely even notice it.

he he yeah me too, like you see pics of the old section scars from the 80s and 90s and think AHH I do not want to look like that with staples and a thick dark red mark across my skin but nope, its so small you could not even see it. I have a very tiny pouch too but excercise will help that and you know that even with vaginal births women get overhang, my SIL has terrible overhang and she had all four of her babies vaginally so its a PP thing, the things we go through eh

 

[April76]

I kinda felt the same but i had to have a c section due to problems with my hips. Now nearly 3 months later it doesnt bother me anymore. I had to have the c section for a reason and the doctors thought that was the safest for me and my baby. My baby boy isnt aware that he didnt come out of my dodah! Me and my hubby joke that he came out the sunroof! I wouldnt worry about it, your body developed your beautiful baby and that is a long hard job to do!