Gutted..... :( OH wants to prevent again...

[TheNewMrs]

Oh ladies. so this evening my husband and I were having dinner, and he prayed as he always does- but left out the biggest request to God we have which is our baby. I looked at him thinking he was kidding. Then he broke the news to me. He wants us to prevent again.

I'm devistated!

My one desire is to be a mom, other women want careers and huge houses and flashy things- I just wanna be a mother.

He said he doesnt feel ready and I need to respect that.

I left the dinner table and havent spoken a word to him
Yet. My heart is broken.

 

[sarah5690]

hunny thats rubbish i think its crap we need a man to create i hate that they hold half the control you need o sit him down and chat to him let him know this is all u want in life and see how its goes hugs coming your way xxxxx

 

[Tonka106]

I'm so sorry! I understand what you mean, all I have ever wanted in life was to be a mom. Have a good talk with your OH.. I hope things work out for you!

 

[TheNewMrs]

Thanks for your help girls. It's really difficult.
We tried talking last night calmly like adults and he just won't budge.
He said it's not fair for me to push parenthood
On him because i want it.....

 

[MonstHer]

Thanks for your help girls. It's really difficult.
We tried talking last night calmly like adults and he just won't budge.
He said it's not fair for me to push parenthood
On him because i want it.....

Was he all for it though, until recently?
If that is the case, it's not fair for him to change his mind!

By the way, that was a totally passive aggressive way to break it to you.
Why couldn't he have just told you? How very rude of him.

 

[TheNewMrs]

He didn't want to TTC at first, friends
Of ours took 18montjs to fall pregnant. So we decided
I'd come off BCP and just see what happened. Then last night he said he doesn't think he's ready to be a dad. He wants me
To go back on BCP. I don't want to be an older mum-no offense
To anyone reading but I've always wanted
To hav my children in my early 20's....

Before he went out to work this morn
I tried talking to him about it. He pretty much said
If I want a baby that much he'll let us try, but made
It clear he wasn't happy or ready for it. How can I willingly bring a baby into our home k knowing he doesnt want it.

I feel like he's ripped my heart out and stamped on it.

 

[Heidi]

Oh im so sorry hun
Hope he has a change of heart in time to come.

 

[Amarna]

Wow. I'm so sorry. I hope things work out soon for you! I hate hearing about when men flip flop like this.

 

[MackMomma8]

I'm sorry he did that to you, hun! I agree with MonstHer, that was a very cowardly way to break that news to you. He could have at least been an adult about it and not use God as a buffer. How long have you been NTNP?

 

[TheNewMrs]

I was due to start a new pack
On June 1st and didn't so only since then. We've been talking all day and he isn't budging.... part of me wants to pretend I'm
Back on BCP and don't take them, but I couldn't do that to him.... I'm just so hurt....

 

[TheNewMrs]

So we have had a SLIGHT breakthrough, hubby doesnt want me to go back on bcp just yet, but we are going to chart... and see how it goes, so were on the NTnp side again... just barely.....

 

[NotNic]

I was going to suggest that TheNewMrs. Just because he's not ready yet, it doesn't mean you have to continue putting hormones into your body. I don't mean that as agressively at that sounds, but there is more than one way to prevent, and a very good way that depends on him, rather than you! I also do agree that his way of delivering the news to you was very badly thought out, and he owes you a big apology for that.

Men can be very scared, fickle things when it comes to babies, and I've lost count of how many couples I've read about where this has happened. You just have to keep being honest with each other, and try not to push him too much. With some gentle encouragement and some time to let the idea sink in, you'll probably find yourselves both on the same page very soon.

 

[TheNewMrs]

I guess tonight will be a big Tester for us. Friends of ours just had a baby today and were going to the hospital this evening to see them and meet their little girl. My Hubby is the Dads childhood friend/best man/ Friend for life, and his wife is really sweet we got on really well. When he see's the JOY on his friends face, hopefully this will help change his mind.

He did give me a massive apology, he knows he screwed up big time! but Im praying tonight could change everything....

 

[cupcaker]

Rubbish hope it turns out well shortly. I agree that if he does chop and change and wants to use BC, suggest HE does it. A condom comes off. BC for you may take longer. I'm cross on your behalf and sympathetic as I have a similar problem going on. xhugs let us know how it goes at the hospital

 

[JaanRuk]

awwe hun thats heartbreaking i know what you mean in that you said you dont want a career and all you wantt 1 thing in life and thats to be a mother, same with me... that was such a harsh way to break it to you i dont understand why he was for it and all of a sudden now he changed his mind...especially when he knows this means the world to you... stay strong hun you dont have to get back on BCP just use some other contraceptive.. BCP could affect your chances down the road...

 

[JaanRuk]

hmmm so he slightly changes his mind that doesnt make sense he is either in or not he shouldnt make this more of a emotional roller coaster ride for you then it already is itself but i agree you should not go back on bcp.... hope everything works out for you hun...

 

[lilfrog01]

well i sorta know how you feel. my dh and i have been ntnp for about a year or two now. one minute he's fine with it and the next he's not. TMI alert, some times when we dtd there is no protection but if i bring up dtd then he reaches for the condoms from the dresser drawer that he bought a few months ago. i may be us using one once every 3 months or so. but it absolutly breaks my heart eveytime he reaches for the drawer. i've tried to talk to him about it but he just shuts down. so i know the feeling of going from working sooo hard for something and then him just pulling it out from under your feet. good luck to you hun, i hope you can work it out!

 

[gigglebox]

I am stalking this thread to see how he's coming along after seeing the newborn.

Before Hubby & I were actively TTC, we were just using pull-out knowing that it could fail (so we considered ourselves NTNP). When we talked about it and he said he wasn't ready yet, I tried to get him to realize that if I got pregnant that cycle, it would still be 9 months until we had the baby. Plus it takes time to conceive, so it could very well be a year into the future or more. I think him having this in perspective helped a little; I think it's terrifying in general to think you're entire life is going to change so drastically, so I can totally understand. But realizing it takes time and there is months to plan and get ready really does help.

Let us know what happens, and good luck to you

 

[TheNewMrs]

Girls you've been fantastic, so we went to meet the brand spanking new gorgeous little baby the other day and Boys Oh she is a little heart breaker.... Hubby couldnt get enough of her, goo-ing and kissing her and doing that really sweet baby talk thing just melted my heart.

I said nothing, as I didnt want to spoil the day for our friends, on the way home the conversation went like this...


OH- Shes so tiny!
M- Yup, theyre usually about 7-8 lbs
OH- shes so beautiful
M- They are so cute at the age
OH- No, I mean BEAUTIFUL, like this time last year she didnt even exist. - thats magical, its its very humbling, I guess Majestic
M- Well thats way they call it the miracle of life.
OH- Maybe we should
M- WHAT?
OH- Im just scared.
M- Me too.
OH- You are?
M- Of course! Its my whole world thats gonna be flipped upside down, Ive gotta share my body for amost a year knowing it will never be the same again after, then Ive gotta endure horrific pain to give birth, then I get to be puked on, peed on, sleepless nights.... Im very scared.
OH- But shes so beautiful............




I've left it at that. Hes wanting to DTD every day now.... Sooo... Heres for the Babydust!!!

 

[JaanRuk]

this made my day im so happy for you!!! yay