3xscharmer
4 earth babies!
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2010
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I don't get on here much, but felt the need to write this anyway. So today
is two years since I lost Zane and I have to say it is a little easier, not because it hurts any less, but because I have finally accepted that he is truly gone, that I can't bring him back, that it's not my fault and that it's okay to be happy and grateful and love my other children and that these things are not dishonoring his memory. The dreams didn't come this year, that's a small condolence, I don't think I could handle that. But as soon as September started, I started to cry myself asleep again, why does it have to hurt so much? I still cry at random times and I don't think that will change anytime soon, I still worry about my other children and in the back of my mind is the knowledge that a heart could just stop beating at any second, that makes me an overprotective and terrified momma. I think we are going to try and plant a tree/flowers for him this year, I tried to find a weeping willow but I live way out in the country away from any plant nurseries. I really wish I could've found one, I think I will try and get one in the spring, for some reason a tree that is always
weeping seems fitting, because that's me, my heart is forever broken, even when I smile I am still weeping on the inside. Happy 2nd Birthday Zane, RIP and know that mommy and daddy love and miss you. Sleep tight little angel.
*EDITED TO ADD* I found a weeping willow, turns out that Lowes carries them and it may be a 45 minute drive, but it's worth it!
is two years since I lost Zane and I have to say it is a little easier, not because it hurts any less, but because I have finally accepted that he is truly gone, that I can't bring him back, that it's not my fault and that it's okay to be happy and grateful and love my other children and that these things are not dishonoring his memory. The dreams didn't come this year, that's a small condolence, I don't think I could handle that. But as soon as September started, I started to cry myself asleep again, why does it have to hurt so much? I still cry at random times and I don't think that will change anytime soon, I still worry about my other children and in the back of my mind is the knowledge that a heart could just stop beating at any second, that makes me an overprotective and terrified momma. I think we are going to try and plant a tree/flowers for him this year, I tried to find a weeping willow but I live way out in the country away from any plant nurseries. I really wish I could've found one, I think I will try and get one in the spring, for some reason a tree that is always
weeping seems fitting, because that's me, my heart is forever broken, even when I smile I am still weeping on the inside. Happy 2nd Birthday Zane, RIP and know that mommy and daddy love and miss you. Sleep tight little angel.
*EDITED TO ADD* I found a weeping willow, turns out that Lowes carries them and it may be a 45 minute drive, but it's worth it!
