Happy and sad.

[happynewmom1]

This morning we got an ultrasound to find out baby's gender. It was a private one done since we are on vacation and my mil here really wanted to do something special for us and was planning a gender reveal. One of my sister in laws came with us to find out to surprise us. Anyway...we were planning the reveal for tonight. It got cancelled because my other SIL had a doctor's appointment and found out she lost her baby a few days ago at 15 weeks. The family is all devastated of course. She has a lot of health issues and has a hard time getting pregnant and was planning a hysterectomy after this baby but now is being recommended to have one now instead. Anyway..the whole thing is so sad and has me all hormonal and I just feel horrible for her. We picked up the envelope from my other SIL though who was with us at the ultrasound and found out we are having another little girl! We didn't have a preference but are super excited and happy to know. Just still feel terrible at the same time. I've only had early losses which were so hard.I can't imagine second trimester loss.I know many ladies here have been through it and I feel for all of you. Its so heartbreaking

 

[Misscalais]

Im so sorry for your sil and your family
Congratulations on a new girl for your family x

 

[Bevziibubble]

So sorry for your sil and family's loss


Congratulations xx

 

[Scarlett2]

It must be so confusing having such conflicting emotions. I hope you are able to take some time to reflect on your little girl and feel really joyful. So sorry for your family's loss.

 

[Nerdy]

I know it seems really bittersweet but sorry for your family's losses and a HUGE congratulations to you on your baby girl.

 

[happynewmom1]

Thanks, all! It is a bit bittersweet but after sleep I am able to separate the two better.I am heartbroken for my SIL but very excited for another baby girl.

 

[BunNtheOven]

First of all, congratulations on having a baby girl! Very exciting. I completely understand what your going through though. Me and oneof my BFF's got pregnant about the same time, and then she had a miscarriage around 12 weeks. I was upset for her and felt for her loss and then I felt like I couldn't go to her about the exciting news about mine (the sex, etc) since she had lost hers and I felt bad. It's sad but I felt like we grew apart because of it too (she never came to my baby shower, etc).

 

[charlie_lael]

 

[Spudtastic]

Happynewmum - congratulations on your baby girl. (I'm having another girl too - I'm so excited). I'm sorry your event was cancelled. I've been there having lost my baby . It will be a very hard time for your sil. But just remember this is your special time too. Your sil will probably avoid you for a while as a way of coping but don't feel bad and enjoy your own little one.

 

[happynewmom1]

Thanks, ladies I'm really fine not having the event..i completely agreed we shouldn't have it. I'm a little disappointed the SIL who did know accidentally let it out to some of the family before we could do anything else and before we even knew yet but I'm not a bitter person and many of the family needed to hear a little good news. Trying to sort out emotions. Today we went shopping and got a couple baby things and she is having a d&c (i don't want to make it worse for her by being around). My dh was trying to help with the shopping but keep thinking about her. Just going to pray they have their rainbow baby soon now. Our vacation ends tomorrow and we go back home. Such a sad part of our trip. For anyone who had a later loss like that, is there anything I can send her to do to help? I know nothing will fix this or take hurt away. :\

 

[winterbabies3]

Welcome to team pink!!! So exciting♡ I am sorry to hear about your SIL. I feel bad for her as I have never had a second trimester lost and can't imagine the pain! God always has a plan! Congratulations again

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Congrats on your baby girl! My heart goes out to your SIL, that is really devastating.

 

[happynewmom1]

Thanks, all! We are very excited about this baby girl. I still have moments...I just feel so badly for her. She found out baby was a girl as she was so hoping and is just devastated. Since she is taking a Facebook break,we finally announced the pregnancy and gender. I felt a lot more sadness than I expected. Definitely praying for them.

 

[PrayingMom]

Congratulations on having on baby girl. I am expecting a baby girl as well.

Can I give a little advice on your situation, I've had 2 second trimesters loss and an early miscarriage. This is my 4 pregnancy and will be my first baby I will take home. But please don't distant yourself away from your SIL, please be there for her don't avoid her. That's the worst feeling ever, I had two family members pregnant the same time as me with my first lost and it was heartbreaking that they avoided me cause they were pregnant and even when they had their babies they avoided me until I said something. They were scared to come around cause they thought I would be sad. Yes I was so hurt to lose my baby but even more hurt that they avoided me. My last two pregnancy a friend of mines was pregnant with me and same story she avoided me and even said insensitive things. So I said all that to say please don't avoid her instead he there and if she feels uncomfortable trust me she will tell you, also she may even open up to you about how she feeling, allow her to do so.

I'll be praying for your family. Losing a child that you want sooo bad is hard!

 

[happynewmom1]

Thank you SO much for that perspective! I did text her a couple days after her loss to let her know we are here for her and how sorry we ate. My MIL asked that we block her from any pregnancy or baby related posts on Facebook... Does that help or hurt? I'm trying to be sensitive to everyone but unsure what my SIL actually wants. We actually live in a different state so we never see her much anyway.. We just happened to be on vacation there when she was scheduled an ultrasound and everything went downhill. Her husband wouldn't look or speak to us after that and my MIL didn't think we should visit after that so we weren't sure honestly. I know the hurt has to be deep. I am truly sorry for the losses you have had as well! I can't imagine the hurt. Congrats on this baby!

 

[PrayingMom]

Thank you.

I'm happy I can give you a little inside scoop. But this is what I would do, since you reached out to her and if she seemed to be okay or didn't give you any strange vibes I wouldn't block her from any posts on FB. But however if she seemed not okay then that is when I would block her. Don't automatically block her and distant yourself "posts" but honestly we can't predict how she is feeling everyone deals with loss and grief differently. I just love kids so I just wanted to be around kids all the time. So long story short try to be sensitive towards her.

 

[happynewmom1]

Thank you.

I'm happy I can give you a little inside scoop. But this is what I would do, since you reached out to her and if she seemed to be okay or didn't give you any strange vibes I wouldn't block her from any posts on FB. But however if she seemed not okay then that is when I would block her. Don't automatically block her and distant yourself "posts" but honestly we can't predict how she is feeling everyone deals with loss and grief differently. I just love kids so I just wanted to be around kids all the time. So long story short try to be sensitive towards her.

Thank you. I won't block her then... We just wanted to be careful I guess but maybe we were overly so. She did seem OK when I reached out to her.. She texted me back thanking me with a smiley. Thanks again.. It has really helped a lot

 

[zmzerbe]

Another thing to add really quickly with the blocking aspect, is that if you block her and she finds out, she may be very offended by that and hurt that you would take that kind of responsibility to control what she can and can't see from you. If she ends up being too hurt by your posts, she has the ability to decide for herself whether or not to block your posts. That way it would be her decision and not yours.

 

[happynewmom1]

Another thing to add really quickly with the blocking aspect, is that if you block her and she finds out, she may be very offended by that and hurt that you would take that kind of responsibility to control what she can and can't see from you. If she ends up being too hurt by your posts, she has the ability to decide for herself whether or not to block your posts. That way it would be her decision and not yours.

That's a great point! She never asked that we block her anyway.. My MIL asked that we do but she never experienced a loss like that so I definitely appreciate the other side I get here. We definitely won't do that anymore. We don't post a lot pregnancy /baby related anyway.. Just a few things here and there now that everyone knows about the pregnancy already. I would definitely hate to hurt her even more

 

[zmzerbe]

Another thing to add really quickly with the blocking aspect, is that if you block her and she finds out, she may be very offended by that and hurt that you would take that kind of responsibility to control what she can and can't see from you. If she ends up being too hurt by your posts, she has the ability to decide for herself whether or not to block your posts. That way it would be her decision and not yours.

That's a great point! She never asked that we block her anyway.. My MIL asked that we do but she never experienced a loss like that so I definitely appreciate the other side I get here. We definitely won't do that anymore. We don't post a lot pregnancy /baby related anyway.. Just a few things here and there now that everyone knows about the pregnancy already. I would definitely hate to hurt her even more

yes, and with losses it's really hard to determine how one person is going to grieve or react. Everyone is very different. It almost feels like you have to walk on eggshells around the person.