Hard time dealing

[sleepinbeauty]

Does anyone else have a hard time when you see a family together or a pregnant woman?

I'm usually not so dramatic, but you guys know how things have been going on the WTT front with me and I'm having such a hard time. I find myself feeling anger towards people who have kids. Like, why are you so special that you can be happy and I can't?? It's so not like me!!

Another thing--a friend of mine has 2 little girls and SHE LEFT THEM for a few months. She's back now but I'm so upset that she has the most sweet, lovable kids in the whole world and she doesn't seem to give a shit. I don't know if I could ever forgive her for leaving them with a man and his girlfriend who smoke (several things) and drink CONSTANTLY, even with them right there. If you have a sitter, the kids are asleep and you want to have a drink or two, fine. If you want to smoke up, i'm totally cool with it....But they would get stoned and TRASHED and they wouldn't even respond when their oldest (2 years) would be hysterically screaming and banging on the door to come out. What if something was really wrong?

I don't know...all my crap is still a pretty fresh wound. Maybe it'll get better, but I'm so afraid it will get worse. I'm not a bitter person and I don't want to become one. Am I the only one?

 

[Ready2Go]

Hiya

Didn't want to read and run but I'm not sure I can give the best advice.

I do feel when I see other families a bit of a tug and "I want one of those" feelings, as for the way other people bring their kids up it's unfortunate but it's their choice (until the state step in). All you can do is learn from their mistakes and make sure when you have your own little blessings that you don't make them too. (kind of not the same but it's one reason why I watch Supernanny, so I can get a memory bank of what not to do!!)

Just feel happy that your LO's won't face the same problems, and will have a mummy that loves them and would never leave them. And in the meantime keep storing up all of that advice to youself, get your apartment sorted and see where you go from there.

x

 

[booflebump]

Oh hun. It is unfair when people who dont seem to care get the perfect family and the rest of us have to struggle on. But it will be your turn one day so dont let this get to you too much because you dont want to become bitter xxx

 

[kintenda]

Hi Kris... I gotta admit, I get pangs of jealousy when I see preg ladies/families, but it's not something that eats at me with them, it's more of a 'I can't waaaaait'... but it still hurts... but with people that don't look after their kids, it's a whole different story. I feel the same way... like I just want to scoop them up & look after them, make up for what they can't have, etc. An emptiness, I guess. It hurts more with them because I almost (quite piously) feel that they don't deserve what blessings they have.
Lots of hugs to you coz I know that it's hard.
Katie xx

 

[orange-sox]

I understand where you're coming from hun, when I got preg with Seb we were WTT, and had a not got preg we would have still being WTT now. I think I get even moreso jealous now because I knew in July I would be having my baby, but when I was WTT last time it really cut me deep when I saw anyone who was pregnant or had kids, especially younger mothers because I was thinking "Why them and not me".

It sucks big time to feel like this, and I feel your pain hun

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I also feel like this. Having a hard time dealing with it all atm xx

 

[mikababy]

I guess a woman's maternal instinct is a really powerful thing and I think we sometimes underestimate it. I'd say that it's a strong, but not unnatural response to feel jealous or to have a sense of resentfulness towards other mothers. It can be a bit overwhelming/shocking to have these feelings.

Try to take comfort in knowing what a great Mum you'll be, and be proud of your obviously strong mothering instinct (unfortunately, not all women with babies/children actually have this - more is the pity). See WTT as a time to concentrate on getting your body fit and healthy and getting the right supplements etc so that when you do TTC you have the best chance possible.

Just so you know, I used to be horrifically broody. I couldn't even sit near a LO on the bus, as I'd feel this terrible sense of emptiness and longing for a child of my own. (How can you miss something so much that you've never even had??). I'd go really quiet & withdrawn everytime I found out that yet another friend was expecting, or I saw pictures of old friends on FB proudly showing off their new offspring. I was forever looking at younger mums (I'm 30 now) and thinking "how come she gets to have a baby and I don't??". And if I dreamt that I was pregnant I'd wake up and sob my heart out 'cos I knew it wasn't real, so know how it feels.

xx

 

[sleepinbeauty]

yeah, you guys hit the nail on the head. I just feel so empty. I mean, I am in love, ti's wonderful....but I feel like I need this other person to feel whole.

 

[kate.m.]

I feel exactly the same. My best friend recently had a baby (1st one of my friends to have a babba) and of course i was so happy for her, but i was so jealous, like some ppl have been saying, i just thought "why not me? Why cant i have one?" I think the most frustrating thing about all of it is that we could have one. Its not like wanting a house, which you HAVE to save up for (i know you need money to have a baby- but theoretically i could have a baby right now, without waiting to try).
I cried when i found out my best friend had given birth: i was happy for her, and sad for me. Now that made me feel like the most selfish, horrible person alive! I think the mothering instinct is very strong, and its a shame that men dont truly understand it. Yeah, my husband knows i really really want a baby with him, but i dont think he could ever grasp quite how much i want it.

 

[toffee87]

I do too! A number of things upset me. When they come into work, I think I want to be able to afford to have kids, have a decent job and a family!

One night 3 pregnant women came in, and for my tiny town...that was a lot lol.

 

[AutumnRose]

yeah, you guys hit the nail on the head. I just feel so empty. I mean, I am in love, ti's wonderful....but I feel like I need this other person to feel whole.

That pretty much sums up how i feel.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

to all of us!

I thought I was the only one...

 

[Jewels]

Yes, I too get really jealous when I see women that are pregnant, or families with their babies. I keep wishing it was me, but I know in time it will be my turn. I am trying to stay positive which is really difficult for me. We'll get there though!

 

[mikababy]

I kind of feel better knowing that I'm not the only who feels jealous of even their closest their friends when they announce that they are pregnant (especially the ones that have never even been especially bothered about having children, that's even worse!!).

Think it's definitely important to talk to our OHs and explain just how strongly we feel, but sometimes it's difficult to do without scaring them off or making them think we're mentally unbalanced!!

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Think it's definitely important to talk to our OHs and explain just how strongly we feel, but sometimes it's difficult to do without scaring them off or making them think we're mentally unbalanced!!

SOOO TRUE!!! Everytime it comes up, I end out crying...no...BAWLING for a few hours. He always says, "I'm so sorry honey..." and "..I guess we'll just have to have kids..." Feeling hopeless....