I can really relate to this. I have a friend who has long-standing depression, severe OCD and is also seeking help about BPD.
Throughout the last 10 years I have felt very drained by her. I had my own issues to deal with; like the sudden unexpected death of my Mum while I was growing up but I could never show too much emotion around her as she made me feel like she was too vulnerable and it would push her over the edge. I constantly walked on egg shells around her and let her push her way further into my life; like the time I got a 4 page essay saying how let down she felt as I hadn't asked her to be a bridesmaid. I had wanted just my closest friend and I was thinking about the cost, etc. Needless to say, I was weak and she got her way.
Throughout the first 7 months of this pregnancy, she seemed to get even worse. She was insisting that after I finished work in the evenings (I work full time) and whenever she was working a late shift that I "HAD TO" drive 6 miles to her house to check that all of her plugs were off. This is because of her OCD. I tried to find solutions such as getting her to ask her colleagues to pop in on their way home from an early shift to do it (as her work is 2 mins from her home) but apparently she only trusts me to check properly. I can't tell you how tired I sometimes was but she would never take no for an answer and I was weak for such a long time.
She has dating problems. Sadly men run a mile because she is very intense, distrusting and full-on. She can be very argumentative and they don't take the nonsense, unlike me. So I normally end up with a crying friend on my doorstep (unexpectedly & at least twice a week) or on the phone (most nights for hours at a time). My husband was at breaking point and to be honest so was I.
Well one night I just needed some space so I didn't answer my mobile or my house phone. She literally rang both phones every ten minutes until gone ten at night. I had countless text messages. I knew from experience that the minute I responded (even with an excuse about being busy) she would either get the hump or try to ring even more if she knew I was definitely in. I had planned on lying (not like me) and getting in touch the next day to say I'd been out and hadn't heard my phone. However, her last text said she was worried and was going to call the police to check on me (OMG!) so I had to contact her in the end! As I was genuinely exhausted and my husband wanted to tell her to cool-it, I needed to say that I couldn't dedicate as much time to her anymore as I needed to prepare for the baby.
To be honest it was scaring me that she might not accept that I couldn't dedicate hours each day for her constant dramas. She would know that I'd soon be home on maternity leave with the baby and could turn up any time, ring constantly (waking the baby) etc etc.
Well when I plucked up the courage and told her as tactfully as I could that I needed space, she went absolutely mad. She called me all the names under the sun- mainly that I'm the most selfish person she knows. She slated my relationship with my husband. She just lost the plot. Throughout all of this I didn't say anything derogatory back as I was aware that she's ill. I must admit that it did take some restraint but I'm used to being weak around her.
I let her say her piece and then I said that our friendship has run it's course.
It's been nearly 2 months and I don't regret it in the slightest. I actually feel quite empowered and for once in my life I feel very selfish but for all the right reasons. I have time for my husband and will have all the time in the world for my baby boy. I have never had issues with any of my other friends; they enhance my life. I honestly feel like I've done the right thing but I know that I sound awful.
I have got a mutual friend to check that she's ok but I made it clear that I didn't want to build the bridge but was just concerned for her welfare and she is being there for her which is nice.
Sorry for the essay (I reckon this is easily the longest post I've ever done on here) xxx
