MrsGax
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- Sep 1, 2010
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Hello! I am here for the 3rd time. I have had 2 previous losses. First time I had a ultrasound at 8 weeks 6 days and there was just a yolk. Second time, I had twins but one was "vanishing" and I saw the HB of baby A around 7 weeks and then it stopped around 8-9 weeks as well. This time, I refused to get betas done, and I also do not want to go for an ultrasound until almost the end of first tri. My reasoning is that if something is going to go wrong, there is NOTHING they can do about it at this point and seeing the HB from my last really messed me up. I still cry thinking about them. If I would have waited until 10+weeks, I would have been spotting and already known that something was wrong versus going in and playing the waiting game to see if baby would catch up in growth or not, ultimately to just see the heartbeat stop.
Although I am waiting, I still have very high anxiety that I will start spotting. I keep checking my underwear every single time I go to the restroom. I have not calculated my actual due date yet, even though I know it is in May. Do you think that somehow I know that it is going to go bad for the 3rd time in a row? Like it is some sort of intuition? Or do you think that I am just nervous and worried cause of my past? I thought FOR SURE that baby A would be our rainbow baby, and it wasn't. So I am afraid to believe that this will be it too. Do you think that I can bring a MC on myself with this thinking? I am always a glass half full type of girl, I totally have faith, and totally have read and believe the book The Secret, so I am always worried that the law of attraction has brought them upon me. Cause I worry too much. I am just a basket case of emotions and just wondering if I am normal or need to change my thinking.
Although I am waiting, I still have very high anxiety that I will start spotting. I keep checking my underwear every single time I go to the restroom. I have not calculated my actual due date yet, even though I know it is in May. Do you think that somehow I know that it is going to go bad for the 3rd time in a row? Like it is some sort of intuition? Or do you think that I am just nervous and worried cause of my past? I thought FOR SURE that baby A would be our rainbow baby, and it wasn't. So I am afraid to believe that this will be it too. Do you think that I can bring a MC on myself with this thinking? I am always a glass half full type of girl, I totally have faith, and totally have read and believe the book The Secret, so I am always worried that the law of attraction has brought them upon me. Cause I worry too much. I am just a basket case of emotions and just wondering if I am normal or need to change my thinking.