This is my first post in months because my husband asked my to stay off the site. He thinks it makes things worse for me and focuses more attention on our problem. But today I just need the site.
We went to Spain this last week for vacation. We went during my fertile period to take the stress of the months of trying to make a baby. And it helped a lot during the day---I didn't pee on any sticks or think about if today was the day.
But every night I dreamed about pregnancy and infertility. Why can't I get it out of my head??? One of my dreams would actually be a happy dream. I dreamed that my friend that struggled with infertility and lost a baby far along in her pregnancy (years ago) was very pregnant and I bumped into her when I was on a jog. And she was so happy, and I was so happy for her. But I immediately woke up sad, because she is in her forties now, and this dream will never come true. And I was sad for her, and I was sad for me.
Even last night (our first night back), I dreamed that two of my friends struggling with infertility gave up trying to make a baby for lent. Ha ha ha. It's kind of funny and kind of sad at the same time.
So even when I'm on vacation and happy and having a wonderful time, my subconscious taunts me at night. I can't ever fully escape from infertility. And I hate that.
And I don't have any questions, or need any advice. I just need to post about this in a place where the people reading my thoughts might understand.
We went to Spain this last week for vacation. We went during my fertile period to take the stress of the months of trying to make a baby. And it helped a lot during the day---I didn't pee on any sticks or think about if today was the day.
But every night I dreamed about pregnancy and infertility. Why can't I get it out of my head??? One of my dreams would actually be a happy dream. I dreamed that my friend that struggled with infertility and lost a baby far along in her pregnancy (years ago) was very pregnant and I bumped into her when I was on a jog. And she was so happy, and I was so happy for her. But I immediately woke up sad, because she is in her forties now, and this dream will never come true. And I was sad for her, and I was sad for me.
Even last night (our first night back), I dreamed that two of my friends struggling with infertility gave up trying to make a baby for lent. Ha ha ha. It's kind of funny and kind of sad at the same time.
So even when I'm on vacation and happy and having a wonderful time, my subconscious taunts me at night. I can't ever fully escape from infertility. And I hate that.
And I don't have any questions, or need any advice. I just need to post about this in a place where the people reading my thoughts might understand.
