Have a few questions

[LuckySalem]

Hi all,

I have some horrid thoughts against natural parenting but I feel as though my LO needs to have some of them so I need some help.

LO wont settle EVER unless she's held. I keep getting told by a friend to try a sling but I can't let myself do it as I can't help but think that i'll ALWAYS have to carry her and she'll be a clingy baby forever. I also have a problem in that I have DD and I want to be able to spend time with her too but she's losing out at the moment cos I can't put LO down.

We co-sleep but doing it feels like my dirty little secret. I told my mum and mum started saying how it'd be my own fault when I tried to put her in her cot and she starts screaming all night.
I do it cos I'm breastfeeding and feel it's more hassle than it's worth to get up to moses basket to get her and then feed her and put her back. Also cos I'm worried she'll wake DD up who will be alot more trouble to get back to sleep.

I also need a kick up the arse to MAKE myself use the terry nappies that I bought.
I made a deal with myself that I would use one pack of disposables and then move onto the cloth ones but here I am having just bought my 4th pack (of 100) and desperatly trying to tell myself it's just cos they're in the attic or just cos she's still very runny.


I'm sure there will be more but that's it for now.

 

[Rachel_C]

Natural parenting is really about doing what comes naturally to you and what feels right, so I wouldn't force yourself to do something you think is 'natural' if you don't feel good about it. That would be going against your instincts I guess, so it wouldn't be what's natural for you, if you see what I mean.

People are very divided on the issue of holding babies all the time. Lots of people say that it will make them clingy, but people in this section tend to be of the opinion that it makes them feel secure so they don't end up clingy later on. It's up to you what you think, but as she's only very young still, what you do now doesn't have to be what you do forever. I think lots of people hold their LO constantly for the first few months, then gradually it gets less as they're older and want to do things other than cuddle and feed!

If you're happy co-sleeping and you're being safe about it, it doesn't have to be a dirty little secret. If it works for you and your family, it works and that's all that matters.

Cloth nappies, well I find them fun but I don't use terries. Maybe you could buy a few easier ones, like pocket nappies or all-in-ones to get you started. Also it isn't all or nothing. If you just use one cloth nappy a day, that's one less nappy going to landfill and some money saved. I'd probably switch over gradually rather than all at once. It's not failing if you have days where you use all disposables, or every other nappy or whatever.

Good luck.

 

[anothersquish]

Horrid thoughts? Interesting.

Anyway. Carrying a baby wont cause problems, I carried my now 5yr old all the time because he was high needs and he hate dbeing put down.....he isnt carried now....do you see any 10, 15, 20 yr olds being carried by thier mothers? No....because they outgrow that need when they are ready. So if its something you want to do then carry on until you and your LO are ready to stop.

Co-sleeping. It is no more dangerous (when done safely) than a basket beside your bed. If its something YOU are happy with then follow safe co-sleeping guidelines and be happy about your decision.

Cloth....if its not for you then its not for you. I think its easy to fall into disposables but if you really want to use cloth then put the sposies away and start using them. If you dont then dont put pressure on yourself to do something you arent happy with.

 

[Maffie]

I'd say do what feels natural to you, I cant understand the horrid thoughts comment so cant relly comment on that. If you want to use real nappies then there's lots of help and advise avaiable on here, but dont feel you have to use them if its not for you.

I carry Noah and use a pram/pushchair he likes both and he didnt like being put down but as he gets older he wants to be put down to explore so babies do what they need you wont be 'creating her rod for your back' as some may say.

 

[Kota]

I carry Phoenix F/t and have done since the day after he was born, we don't own a pram and when we did it got used about a dozen times, to begin with I always worried about the clingy thing but put a lot of trust and faith in the approach that you don't see 5yr olds being carried in slings and went with it..

He is now just over 3months and I am definitely seeing a difference in his 'need' to be held and carried. in the space of a week I've gone from never being able to put him down, to being able to let have him play on his bouncer/playmat etc for 15-20min bursts 4-5 times a day. I've also noticed that when I put him in the carrier when we have to go out, he doesn't always want to be in there as wants to be down playing so I'm more and more confident that I'm raising an independent boy following his own timeframe then a clingy one.

as has been said 'natural' parenting is just what feels right for you, I never would have considered myself a 'natural' parent, after all, I don't consider someone who does the opposite to me an 'unnatural' parent

 

[LuckySalem]

I should have explained better. I didn't mean horrid thoughts as such, it's just that so many people around me would think I was "making a rod for my own back" and before LO I would have thought the same to be honest.
It's hard to snap out of those judements esp when I know people will be judging me with WHATEVER I choose.

As for the cloth, I want to use them but I think it'll be too much hassle. It's something I wanted to do for a long time but never did it cos they're 1 - so expensive to buy and 2 - so much effort with the washing and drying, lol. I went with Terries cos of the price of the other ones.

Co-sleeping - I'm worried I'm doing it wrong now as I didn't know there was a "safe" way to do it. OH works nights so I just put LO in bed beside me on a towel in case her nappy leaks. Should I be doing it some other way?

Slings - I can't get ANYTHING done at all, I can't even eat without her either screaming or sitting on my knee. So someone said sling. Now I dont know how this is going to help to be honest. As there's still going to be issues with eating etc but I spose I WILL be able to get some housework done.


Thanks for all the advice so far and I have a better understanding of what natural parenting is now.

 

[jen1604]

To be honest,just ignore what everyone else thinks of you and do what works for you and your family.
I don't use cloth nappies,so I can't comment on that,I use eco-disposable but I know theres lots of lovely cloth-bum mums in this section so I'm sure one of those will be able to give you some advice
I would definitely give a sling a go,they have been a godsend for us.Lennon is quite little and 'clingy' (hate that word but cant think of a better one right now) and having a carrier has helped me so much My house still looks like a tip but atleast I can get little bits done.
xxx

 

[Kota]

you learn to eat around the sling! I can't count the amount of times I've dropped a bread crumb or bit of lettuce on Phoenix's sleeping head while grabbing a bit to eat.

the whole 'rod for your own back' thing is cr*p. My mum was forever telling me to leave P. in his own bed, in another room and just go to bed and sleep, that he will 'eventually get to sleep' I've been told to give water rather then BF on demand and that co-sleeping is a 'bad bad idea'. I no longer listen to any of it. It feels right and is working for us and my boy is happier by the day.

re the cloths, I was worried about the extra washing as well but tbh, haven't even noticed it, between washing all mine/my OH and P's clothes as it is, another load every 2-3 days of nappies doesn't register.

 

[LuckySalem]

How many nappies do you think you go through? We have about 15 cloths and I think that'll last about 2 days!! lol Would like enough for 4 days so I can wash on the 3rd day and have some spare.

 

[Kota]

I prob use 4-5 a day in cloth and then use disposables for evening/night-time/early morning, simply because I don't have a big enough stash (yet) to be f.t in cloth.
It depends on the nappy and what sort of baby you have, some you may find you get 3-4hrs out of, others you may only get 1-2hrs out of, if you have a really heavy wetter you'll go through them quicker, or a baby that does 3-4 poos a day will obviously go through more as well.

I think I read somewhere that a stash of 40 is enough for f/t wear if you wish to wash every 3 days.

 

[LuckySalem]

40!!! OMG, ok well definately no where near! LOL

 

[Kota]

lol, just remember, you don't have to switch over to f.t cloth straight away, use what you have for 2 days, and while you're washing them use disposables, you're still doing great things for the landfill, your wallet and your babies bum. I've not bought a packet of disposables in about 6wks now as what I had is still doing me. If you work it like that, that pack of 100 nappies you've just bought will easily last you a good 2-3 months!

 

[LuckySalem]

I never thought of it that way. I always assumed I'd do one or other but there is no reason why I can't do both.

Am just gonna start a quick thread on how to's. lol

 

[princessellie]

i have been using cloth for almost a year now and i still use the odd cheeky disposable lol, theres nothing wrong with using both if it makes life easier

as far as terry nappies go id say you would need to change every 2hours, they are not overly absorbant, theres much better out there, i can get my nappies to go 5hrs ish with bamboo inserts, providing she doesnt poo that is, but without a fleece liner i deffo wouldnt leave leyla with a terry on for anymore than 2hrs as the wet towelling would give her a huge rash

we dont co sleep anymore since ive been pregnant because leyla became very kicky and was always kicking me in the belly so weve put her into her cot, still in our room though, at that age you might be best getting one of those things you put inbetween pillows, sorry i cant remember the name but im sure someone else will the best way to keep lo safe while cosleeping is to make sure not to use the duvet but to give them their own blankets, to ensure they dont overheat

i think ur mam has some pretty outdated ideas tbh, holding babies all the time does not make them spoilt, it makes them more confident and more independent if anything, i constantly had hold of leyla when she was newborn, people used to comment on how i never put her down and now she is a very confident toddler, who will happily go to anyone and spends all day laughing and exploring, she is not clingy in the slightest, unless she is tired or ill, which is to be expected, i think a lot of older people think it is bad for babies to be ''mollycoddled'' but it really doesnt do them any damage

oops ive rambled haha

x

 

[LuckySalem]

Thanks for this.

I've always used the duvet with her so maybe it's worth me putting her on top of the duvet and putting her own cover on her then. Will remember that.
I've never put anything between us simply because it's a superkingsize bed (6ft sideways! lol) so never seen the need and I dont share with OH cos he works nights but will definatly consider something like that should he stop working nights.

I agree that mum is outdated but I can't get past the idea that she might be right - no matter how stupid I know that sounds! lol. DD got held alot of the time and she IS confident and goes to anyone, the problem is I can't do that with LO because of DD. She wants attention and I can't give her enough when I'm cuddling LO. If that makes sense
Can you suggest a good cheap sling or something?

Will have to look into other nappies then but the problem is I have no funds to go spending £100's on nappies. Hence doing the terries. The kit only cost us £20.

 

[princessellie]

a sling deffo is a good idea then, do you have any fabric shops near you? i went in and bough 5yds of material, stretchy or woven but stretchy is a lot easier to use, it doesnt matter what you buy really so long as it looks kind of like thick teeshirty material, it costs much less to buy material instead of a wrap, especially since most fabric is 60" wide which means you can cut it in half lengthways and you have 2 wraps for about £25

 

[LuckySalem]

Hmmm, ok that sounds complicated but will def have a look. May ask my auntie (seamstress) to make it into something that will be a little easier to put on

 

[Kota]

if you youtube 'moby sling' thats a pretty common wrap which is fantastic for carrying newborn upwards. its just a really long piece of thick stretchy material wraped around your body in a certain way that you can safely and securly carry your baby hands free, hence why it also an easy one to make yourself as no sewing is actually required,.
if you look around you can normally pic up a 2nd hand one for £20, its worth every penny.