Have you told anyone?

[bebedee]

Hi everyone

I was talking to my OH last night, letting him know I have told a few close friends that we are NTNP, but he hasn't (I guess men don't discuss that kind of thing!).
I have had mixed reactions - my closest couple of friends are happy for me, but one or two have come out with "Oh, well you have years yet, don't you feel too young to have a baby?" Errrrm, obviously not because we wouldn't be doing it otherwise...?! I haven't gone round telling just anybody, only my best friends, so I expected a little bit more support from the ones I did tell. To be honest it upset me a bit. I know I shouldn't care what everyone else says and do what is right for me and OH (obviously I'm not going to rush out and buy 12 boxes of condoms because of peer pressure!) but still, friends are supposed to be happy for you...right?

Has anyone else told anybody they are NTNP/TTC? Have you had any bad reactions?

Sorry to vent on here, I'm sick of the general barrage of negative comments whenever I say I feel broody, as if I am being stupid

 

[Celesse]

I think everyone knew we where gonna try for the next baby ASAP and that I hoped to be pregnant when I went back to work (unlikly as I'm back in 3 weeks). And I tell pretty much everyone that I haven't ovulated or had a period since May 2009 cos LO still feeds too much.

We didn't tell anyone with #1 as we didn't really have time.... 2 weeks of extra sex and we got our BFP.

Sorry your friends aren't more supportive. I have found that my circle of friends has changed since becomming a mum, and I think that by having children you move onto a different life stage.

 

[blue.bird]

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[bebedee]

Thanks girls, you have made me feel better

I am kind of prepared for losing some friends. One has already made it clear that she is nowhere near settling down yet, so I guess I will see a lot less of her once it happens. It makes me sad but at the end of the day, I suppose your 'real' friends will stay close to you regardless of your situation.

bluebird, did you meet new people through 'parent' things? I am 24 this year so feel too old for young mum things, but too young for lots of other adult groups lol
I have 2 friends on here that I am friends with in 'real life' and I know we are on the same page with all the baby stuff haha

 

[CandiceSj]

When I had my daughter, I lost some friends, but I got closer to others. None of my friends have kids, but two friends became closer to me when I had my daughter - they were just more child-friendly I guess. My best friend was not happy that I was in a serious relationship and that I got married fast.

You'll probably lose touch with a few friends when you have a kid, but you will strengthen bonds with others and make new friends after having a child!

 

[blue.bird]

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[bebedee]

Thank you for all your lovely responses
I think I told people to get a bit of an idea how friends would react, and who would stay in touch post-baby...I have a couple of friends with children that I'm not close to now, but I can imagine it would give you common ground, and the ones that just want to party and be single won't want you to 'move on'.
One of my BnB friends is a 'real life' friend who is expecting so it would be lovely if our babies became friends too haha

 

[bbbunny]

We haven't told anyone. I am not sure why I think some of it is that the in laws and my mom have been asking us when we are going to try for years and we just kept saying when we are ready. Well now we are ready but ever since we made the decision a few weeks ago we just didnt tell anyone. I guess I just dont want my mom asking me every single day if its happend yet and she has already been out and got some baby things even though she didnt know we were trying and I told her that I didnt want anybody buying anything even when we did start (my last 2 pregnancies in a previous relationship ended in a miscarriage and an ectopic).

 

[bebedee]

Bbbunny, I'm sorry for your previous losses
I know what you mean, you are basically declaring to everyone that you are having sex all the time! also people guessing you are pregnant before you want to announce it.
That must drive you mad, I bet you feel pressured. I wish my mum was a bit more supportive though - sha acts like it's the worst thing I could do :s hopefully she will be different when I actually do get pregnant..!!

 

[fabz]

i havent told anyone how broody i am or that we are NTNP, people just assume because we are younger (im nearly 22, oh nearly 24) that we dont want that kinda stuff.
my OH has a 3 year old daughter, and people think we shouldnt have kids yet because of what happened with his ex etc....people assume way too much!!

i dont think i would want anyone to know when we TTC, they would be too much every month asking questions etc!!! too much pressure!! lol

xoxo

 

[NewB]

no. We prob wont tell people til we're 3 months along. just for precautions. i am also young so i know how it feels to be afraid of losing friends. dont worry about that friends come and go. they should be able to adjust to ur new lifestyle.

 

[xpensivtaste]

i have told my mum as she is a surrogate and knows all about conception so she is good to talk to. she told me she is starting again soon and said she thinks we will fall at the same time which would be cool. she is the only one i talk to in full detail about how i am feeling about it. she is starting surrogacy in march so heres hoping.
i told my best friend but she is single and has 2 kids not wanting any more so i dont tell her how much i want it. i dunno it just feels a little like she doesnt want to hear about it.
my siblings know and my sister in law knows and she has recently stopped trying for a year as nothing happened after a few months so her reaction was that its going to take a long time. put a bit of a dampener on me but its the truth so it didnt upset me or anything just put into perspective that it doesnt always work out the way you plan.
thats about it, i dont like to shout about it.
OH has told his mum as they are pestering for another grandchild lol. i kind of feel embarrassed when he brings it up to her around me...i dont know why. maybe its the thought they know we are having sex or something.

suppose you cant expect everyone to understand or be happy for you. i would love it if my best friend asked me how i felt about it so i could talk to her but she doesnt ask, doesnt really comment if i bring it up. maybe she is scared i wont have time for her when i am pregnant or had a baby. i have already stopped drinking and going out at the weekend but i still make time for her.

 

[MatthewAlyssa]

I've told a few of my close friend that we are ttc or ntnp and all have been supportive, hubby has told his best mate too but I'm sure what he has said. =/ The only thing that I think about is what if my dh has told his mate diff to what he says to me?? We agreed the night I gave birth to have a 3rd and maybe 4th and it was his idea for me to have my coil out and to start ttc but I've always got that second thought in the back of my mind =/ xx we've not even told any family xx

 

[HungryHippo]

Our strongest reaction was from a friend who just had her 3rd baby after TTC for several years. I got the impression she felt NTNP'rs weren't as worth of a baby as TTC'rs. I do feel bad for her struggle with TTC. She's a stay-at-home mommy and being a mommy is her world. But I still firmly believe NTNP should be its own category and wish both NTNP'rs and TTC'rs the best of luck!

 

[bebedee]

Isn't it strange how we are all OK with telling strangers on here, but not our friends? Not that there is anything wrong with that, quite the opposite - it's nice to know that others feel the same

We have defo made the decision not to tell either sets of parents before the 12w scan, because it will make it more special.
I wish I could talk to my mum about it, we do have a good relationship, but she has absolutely no interest in babies. She even told me she didn't enjoy the time my brother and I were small and has made it clear she doesn't think I should have any yet, even knowing my fertility issues. Maybe it's because she is a teacher and has had 35 years of kids, I suppose that's quite enough!! Mind you, the more she tries to put me off, the more I want to do it

 

[Shara88]

Nope, we aren't telling anyone. We have two, and most think we should be content with what we have. but we want more. My step gramma wants us to, but we havent told her we are NTNP yet. Not sure when we will come out.

 

[Nelli025]

I havent told anyone! Me= Close friends and family will try to be the most honest and reality checking to you as anyone. So I know if I said I was trying to have a baby, I'd hear 10 out of 20 reasons not to. If I wait and announce when Im preggers then I know I'll get 20 extremely happy responses. Just my thought. =)

 

[mg80]

We haven't told anyone that we are trying and if I do get pregnant I won't be telling anyone, not even family, until after the first scan. I am such a worrier and would rather wait until after the 'danger' period of the first 12 weeks is over.

It's annoying though because despite the fact I am 30 years old, my parents still treat me like their little girl and my mum is constantly telling me I have years to think about having kids. I get comments like "oh So-And-So just had her first baby at 40 years old and she had no problems". We're looking to buy our first house at the mo and when I told her about one house we saw being too small, she said "Course it's not, it's only you and J living there, plenty big enough for just you two" - Grrr! And I'm sitting there with gritted teeth thinking "Ho ho, if only you knew Mother, if only you knew!!!"

Being newlyweds though, we do have some family members who are constantly trying to guess if I'm pregnant yet, my hubby's grandparents especially. They're always asking when we're having children and we just tell everyone that we don't want any for a few years yet. They were watching us like hawks on Xmas Day though even after we told them this! When my DH had his hand on my belly (habit of his anyway) while we were all sat round watching Xmas Day telly his nan later asked when the baby was due! Lol, she's a nightmare!

 

[Elanesse]

We have defo made the decision not to tell either sets of parents before the 12w scan, because it will make it more special.
I wish I could talk to my mum about it, we do have a good relationship, but she has absolutely no interest in babies. She even told me she didn't enjoy the time my brother and I were small and has made it clear she doesn't think I should have any yet, even knowing my fertility issues.

Hi sweet,

Just read your post and wanted to say I know it is hard when your mum doesn't react how you hope she will. I haven't told my mum we are ttc, but when I told her I got engaged she was ... well... lets just say she wasn't gushing tears of joy like you see on TV when someone announces they've got engaged. Its not that she doesn't like my OH, she just didn't react. When I actually met up with her for the first time after the proposal, I had to prompt her to look at my ring after about an hour of her not mentioning it! I got very upset about it so I know how hard it is.

I hope your mum realises that if having a baby makes you happy, then it is the best thing in the world. And she will do, once she sees your face when holding your baby for the first time. Until then, just trust in your own feelings - if you are ready for a baby, nobody can convince you otherwise. 24 is a lovely age to have a baby in my opinion!

Leanne xxx

 

[Sany]

oh wow i have heard that before!

im ttc and hoping for a bfp in a few days :] and so far i only told my sister and best friend who are both excited and happy for me, both tellimg me im going to be a great mom. my best friend has a baby of her own and she is excited to help me out and give me advice....

even though i only told them, i have several friends who make comments like "why would you want a baby now? party, drink, dance and have fun while you're young!!" uhmm...i have never been a partier, drinker or dancer haha..they just don't understand that that is just not me...i just want to be a mom