Having horrible, HORRIBLE thoughts.

[cookette]

Before I even begin, I have never had any mental illness/depression issues. I still dont think I do, Im genuinely wondering if this isnt just hormones!

I have a little french bulldog named Noodle that I LOVE. I mean, love to the point of unhealthy obsession if you asked my husband! He is just the sunshine of my day! (And my husband too, lol).

This is a planned baby we put a lot of thought into and very much wanted. Im in a wonderful marriage, I have a job I love, we are secure financially, etc. Everything very stable and happy and have been for years.

In the last month however, I have had almost panic attacks over something happening to Noodle. Horrible thoughts of someone stealing him and cooking him in the microwave! Beating him with a chain! Hanging him! It goes on and on and I get worked into a bawling mess of anxiety over something terrible happening to him. To clarify, I am not wanting TO DO these things, I am in terror of SOMEONE ELSE doing these things.

Is this just hormonal-driven anxiety? I feel like a crazy person!

 

[Unexpected212]

Deffo sounds like anxiety and hormones they can make your mind do all sorts of weird things. I remember being really paranoid about EVERYTHING when my son was born.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Yeah, it's probably just your maternal instinct starting to kick in. I hate to say it, but it only gets worse once you're baby is born, because then you'll worry that baby will stop breathing suddenly in the middle of the night, or he/she'll choke on a penny you didn't notice was on floor, etc. Just part of being a mom, I guess.

 

[mammag]

This is just an unfortunate prelude to things to come. My boys were playing upstairs in their rooms one time, ages 6 and 9 and I heard sirens outside and somehow convinced myself that they had fallen out a window. The random ideas of terrible happenings are here to stay I imagine. Welcome to motherhood ♡

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Oh, I forgot to say: Do yourself a favor and AVOID news stories about babes getting hurt or killed. It will only make those kind of thoughts worse. If I hear a story about a baby being abused or hurt, I can't help but imagine it happening to my child, and it makes me feel ill. Plus, it just makes the paranoia worse.

 

[cookette]

Ugh, thanks ladies. I guess Im glad its "normal" but good grief, how terrible!

 

[cupcaker]

Perhaps an unusual outlet of any anxieties you are feeling, maybe even worries of how the dog will be when baby arrives as the dog has been your baby too? And a "mothery" instict too coming in with the hormones etc, mothers dont want anything to hurt their children and your dog is just as important, so hormones probably making you feel a bit more frought than usual about him!

 

[TryinFor1]

Yeah, it's probably just your maternal instinct starting to kick in. I hate to say it, but it only gets worse once you're baby is born, because then you'll worry that baby will stop breathing suddenly in the middle of the night, or he/she'll choke on a penny you didn't notice was on floor, etc. Just part of being a mom, I guess.

I really couldn't have said this better. I used to FREAK OUT about someone poisoning my dog. I have no idea why. We don't have any enemies, it just comes into my mind. When lo was born, it got worse and as this poster said. Now that I am pregnant again, its an all time high. I have convinced myself numerous times that I have gotten worms from undercooked pork (no. It wasn't even undercooked), salmonella (nope), and Lyme/rocky mountain fever from a tick bite last week (nothing as of yet!). Its horrible and I am talking to my doctor about what to do on Thursday. I can't keep living with constant anxieties. It can't be good for the baby.

 

[superfrizbee]

Hi hun, you should google intrusive thoughts. I remember reading a thread on it once on bnb and some of the ladies who specialised in psychology raised it as a genuine (and normal) thing...

 

[tamina800]

Oh yea. After I had my son, I'm paranoid about dying. I imagine a drunk 17 year old running a red light when I'm driving home in the evening and killing me, leaving my son without his mom. I worry I'll turn away for a minute in a store and someone will kidnap my son. I don't take vacations with my husband where we both have to fly together without our son - what if the plane crashes? We both cannot die- our son needs at least one parent. I think more than hormones, it's maternal instinct. Welcome to motherhood. It's partly mental torture for us moms
And as someone advised above, don't read stories about child abuse. It sent me to a therapist after my son was born.

 

[lala222]

I think of the craziest scenarios too, I have major anxiety. It definitely isn't unheard of, and here I thought I was the only one! It's just fear that something bad will happen to someone/something you love so so very much and it's out of your control, so you always think of these crazy things! it sucks.

 

[UnderPressure]

Last night I dreamed that I watched and was helpless as my dogs were attacked by strange dogs. All but one of my dogs was killed... And he killed two if the strange dogs and left the third one injured badly enough that I had to finish the strange dog so it wouldn't suffer. This is terrible.

 

[pinkribbon]

It does sound like anxiety, if it's getting to the point it's affecting your day to day life then a GP may be able to help you out. I think it's likely hormonal though.

 

[Wtbam]

I have exactly the same thing. I ADORE my dog, and we do everything together when I am not working.
Recently I have been so upset and can't stop thinking about him dying, to the extent of getting up in the middle of the night just to cuddle him and stroke his face (It's crazy I know).

Personally, I think it is because I feel guilty about the fact that a new baby is coming and the baby will have to become my priority, whereas the dog has previously been. xxx

 

[cookette]

I have exactly the same thing. I ADORE my dog, and we do everything together when I am not working.
Recently I have been so upset and can't stop thinking about him dying, to the extent of getting up in the middle of the night just to cuddle him and stroke his face (It's crazy I know).

Personally, I think it is because I feel guilty about the fact that a new baby is coming and the baby will have to become my priority, whereas the dog has previously been. xxx

My husband keeps reminding me of this and saying how Noodle only has xx weeks before he is kicked to the back burner and that I'll never look back. I realize he will no longer be my number #1 priority but it also makes me sad to know he wont get as much time with me. Maybe some guilt is fueling this, then? I dont feel so bad to know Im not alone at least.

 

[Wtbam]

From what you have just said, I would say 100% guilt, and your husband isn't helping!! My parents keep saying to me.... oh... Hogan is going to get pushed out as soon as baby is here!! I tell them he won't, but it sticks in my mind and I 100% think that is why I have started feeling like this.

I even keep imagining him dying and me not even noticing, and it's really graphic, and I know it's because of the guilt I feel towards him being pushed out. People who have dogs won't understand but he has been my whole life for 5 years (until I met OH... but he is still very much involved and very spoilt!) and now everything is going to change!

 

[mammag]

I don't know why people think their dogs will be pushed out. I have two kids and two dogs, and thendogs may be slightly more rotten than the children. Instead of just having a dog or just having a little person in my lap, I have both. Lol. And the kids spoil the dogs too. So, it's double spoiling.

 

[Wtbam]

I like that idea