Having second thoughts!

[Toms Mummy]

Okay so I am having serious second thoughts about having another child! A few factors are effecting this at the moment, one I have only been off the pill for a month and got my 1st perios so I think the reality of actually doing this is kicking in!!

Second, I am a sahm and used to freelance. I have just finished a 7 day stint of work... the 1st bit of work since LO was born and I loved it! I really enjoyed the career I had before LO and hope to go back to it one day, it also involves lots of professional development in my own time, which also costs!.... This is much easier to do with just one child, esp at the age he's at now... I can involve him. If I have another it's going t be another 3 yrs before I can start progressing again!

Third... Money! My OH has just changed jobs and instead of working 2 weeks on 2 weeks off which worked really well as we got him to ourselves for 2 whole weeks! He now has to travel to work on sun afternoon (from N Wales to S Coast!) work 5 days and then travel back fri afternoon. So 5 day jon and 1.5 days at home for the same money! It's going to be haaard!

I'm sorry for the rant and well done for getting this far!... I want another, but want my career too. I'm not sure I can do both and which one I will regret not having if I choose! I just need some reasurance that it'll all work out!

 

[greenlady]

Hi Toms mummy
Sorry I didn't see this thread from 2 days ago! I already said my piece in our other thread, but I guess reading this now, all your reasons make sense practically speaking... its just wanting another baby isn't always a practical logical thing is it?

Only you and your OH can decide what to do. But as I said before, things can always change, and life is short. You could always find a way around all the reasons above. For me, 2 kids will be a stretch emotionally and financially but I definitely want another. More than 2 is not really an option though.

Its a tough one. Just think it through and make sure you are happy with your decision whatever you decide

 

[SBinRI]

There are ALWAYS regrets in life.. which can you imagine regretting less- another child? or a job? If time isnt a factor in your decisions- then Id say work for a while- then maybe have a baby. If time is a factor- then you need to seriously weigh your options. My inlaws ALWAYS tell me how much theyd worried less about finances and had more kids. There is always a way to make money "work" We have one income and three kids. Money is tight- but all of the bills are paid and there is food in the fridge. I question having a 4th all the time... but I KNOW Id regret it if I didnt

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks girls!

Greenlady, I constantly imagine what it'd be like having another in the house, car, when I'm out for a walk, in tesco!! Anywhere really, I am always wondering how they would fit in iykwim?!!... I know I want another child, my OH on the otherhand doesn't but then says okay to please me! I don't want that! I want him to want one!!

SBinRI, I know I will regret having another but I also know that I have time on my side to wait, which would make sense... work for a bit, then wait but my DS is 3 now and I want them to be close enough to have some sort of relationship and feel that if we leave it any longer then they won't have that!.... I would really like one now, but I know that it'll be harder to go back to work afterwards! I've got work now so feel silly giving it up!

 

[SBinRI]

I had really mixed emotions with my 2nd pregnancy. I didn't want to stop my one-on-one time with her. But my 2nd dd fit right in- and at 4yrs apart they are currently GREAT friends. I know that they'll be going thru a time where they hate eachother as well as my 1st is now just shy of 9yrs old.. But still. And now I have a ds who is 15 months. The house is crazy, loud, messy but fun! If you want it to work- it will.

 

[bjenniferk8]

I hear you! I've been TTC for 3 cycles... we have one awesome 2.5 year old daughter. We've been sort-of-not-really trying and I swing back and forth on what's right for us all the time.

And what it comes down to, I think, besides all the logistics (although money and stuff totally counts), is whether or not my gut feeling and my husband's feels like our family is complete or not. And even that feels foggy to me.... and it feels like it's totally clear to everyone else. Everyone around me just knows they want another one, or that they're done. I don't have that. Sometimes I feel sure that we're done. Other times I think I know for sure that we're meant to have another family member. Many times I feel terrible considering things like money and time and freedom in our decision because those will work out--the decision should be about the love for another baby. Other times I think that those are huge influencers that we need to consider. So.... I don't have an answer for you, but I hope for clarity for us both!