Hb with toddler present

[Emmea12uk]

I planned all along that my 3 yr old would go to my mums for my hb. Mainly because he is disabled and requires medical care which I can't do in labor. However my mum can't have him as she didn't prepare the house or a bed for him. There is no way.

Plus I have had two false alarms and when I have come back to him he has been worried about me. Maybe I should just keep him at home? Is there any point in my parents coming to get him and then bring him back at bedtime? I would be really lucky to be done by then.

Truth be told I am really upset about this. There is no one else who can look after him.

 

[indigo_fairy]

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[Emmea12uk]

They would bring him back at bedtime but rye birthing is when I need to zone put completely. I really don't want my mum here on top of my doula and two midwives, me and my husband. I need him to concentrate of me not my son. I don't want to be worrying about whether he needs his medical proceedures or meds.

I would love him to be here but I can't cope with his extra needs or my mum being here.

 

[indigo_fairy]

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[Nikki_d72]

That's a shame, sweetie - can no-one lend her a camp-bed or something, or would that not be suitable for him?

I found a great link to why kids SHOULD be there, hang on I'll go rummage... aha, here it is: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/siblings-at-birth

I realise that with your wee man's disabilities it isn't an ordinary situation, but there are some good points as to why it may be less scary for them to be there. I think you may find that your mind controls your labour to the extent that it won't happen fully till he's tucked up in bed and you can let go. I understand your concerns though and it's late in the day for you to have to figure this out, so I feel for you.

Is there anyone else who understands his meds that could be there, or would an agency nurse be able to do it? I had a friend who was one and she used to often do night shifts to give parents respite who had seriously disabled children, just another idea.

Hope you can work something out xxx

 

[Samantha675]

Great article Nikki. Thank you.

 

[Emmea12uk]

Thank you! That article is brilliant. I totally get it. It really makes me understand why he has told me three times that he is scared or worried. He even did a little thing with a Teddy bear after I wS in hospital for pre term contractions where he told me the bear wS sad because his mummy was lost - at hospital having a baby.

Thank you a million.

 

[Nikki_d72]

No worries at all. I've read about a good book somewhere that helps explain it all to littlies and is geared for homebirth - I think it's called "Mummy's having a baby", I'm not sure who by, maybe have a google rummage or a look on Amazon - anyone else remember more? xx

 

[lozzy21]

Is there space in your sons room for a air bed, She could take him out during the day, bring him back for bed time and stay in his room out of the way. That way if he wants to be there when baby is born he can but if it gets too much for him he can go back upstairs with your mum.

 

[lynnikins]

having my boys is what stops me from having a homebirth, we dont have family around close by that could come get them if things didnt work out and i know from my experience that my mind would overule my body and not let me labor if they were up and awake and around me , maybe if we had a bigger house so there was a place they could be and play while i labored where i felt comfortable ie..bathroom, bedroom, living room then it might work but i cant see it working living here.
my mother had 2 homebirths with the rest of us in the house my brother born at 4am and my sisters were awake and my elder sister present for the birth but at 11 yrs old i had asked to be left to sleep till "the mess was cleaned up" lol i was not in that much of a rush to see him newborn lol, with my youngest sister she was born at 8.30 at night and we had all gone off to our rooms after dinner knowing Mum was in labor and my dad and older sister delivered L because the MW didnt make it in time caus Dad had put off calling her lol, i agian waited to go meet my littlest sister till the MW had arrived and checked mum out and mum was settled in bed lol. My parents had a good sized house though so Mum could wonder round freely and be comfortable knowing she could pack us off to our rooms if we got annoying , my boys room is tiny it just fits their beds and drawers in there no room for them to play much there and OH would have to be the one entertaining them as none of our friends are we close enough to for me to want them in the house while im in labor

 

[Tegans Mama]

I would keep him at home Em, especially now he is getting older and understands more. When we have number 2, Tegan will definitely be staying home.

Can your Mum do his caths and meds? If so, I would perhaps have her stay with him, let him come in and see you every now and again but otherwise keep him as "out of the way" as possible to make things more comfortable for you.

 

[chuck]

Lots of women with older children labour and birth over night while the older is sleeping. I didnt believe it till I did it!

Perhaps your ma will have to come over and take him out for a while if it's during the day and stay out of the way if it's at night.

It may not be exactly what you want but you'll worry more about him if he isnt around when you are in labour.

 

[Samantha675]

Lots of women with older children labour and birth over night while the older is sleeping. I didnt believe it till I did it!

Perhaps your ma will have to come over and take him out for a while if it's during the day and stay out of the way if it's at night.

It may not be exactly what you want but you'll worry more about him if he isnt around when you are in labour.

Two of my girlfriends have done the same thing in the last few months.

I really want my son here while I am laboring. He is so beyond excited about this baby. He comments how he can't wait till the baby is here, how he loves the baby and will take care of the baby. I am really surprised at how into the baby he seems. We have started discussing labor, and I want to watch some videos with him as well.