He won't leave me alone

[chezababy]

Ok I'll start by saying as I have a low risk pregnancy sex is not off the table. But I feel so awful at the moment that I really don't want it. I think it's been about a week since we dtd and every morning my oh is pestering for sex (he works evenings so it's the only chance we get). He follows me into the bedroom when I get dressed then makes me feel guilty when I say no. Up until now I've given in a couple of times a week (we've been together 10 years so I'm well aware of different sex drives and don't normally mind doing it occasionally just for his benefit). But I've had about 7 weeks of sickness and tiredness and I'm just so fed up right now. I don't even want to be cuddled and touched so I really can't bare the thought of sex. I can't get him to understand and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just wish he would 'get it'. Anyone any advice or in the same situation?

 

[xdxxtx]

Stick to your guns on this. He needs to be more sensitive - you've both got a long road ahead of you with your hormones adjusting, your belly eventually getting big and in the way of sex, the postpartum weeks, having a newborn and just wanting to sleep, etc. It is time he gets used to not having sex Frequently. That being said, when you do feel like DTD, don't hesitate. The feeling will probably disappear quickly.

We can't change your OH, but I will say that every so often, even if you're not in the mood, once you start doing the deed, you should be able to get there. Or maybe do him another favor. Once these first sick weeks pass, you'll probably go back to normal, at least for second Tri (and near due date since sex helps start labor once your body and baby are ready for it!). But for now, maybe you can tell him that when you feel you're able to have sex, you WILL let him know (and follow through!), but until then, he's just gotta be understanding and patient.

When I'm pregnant, I don't want to have sex throughout most of the first 9-11 weeks because my sex drive disappears at conception, and my cervix gets so sensitive and dry that sex is pretty much off the table for a while. I try to put out at least twice a month, but I'm prone to spotting during pregnancy - nothing bad, just an irritated cervix that won't hurt baby - but still not something I like experiencing. With my first baby, it was hard for my partner to understand because I had a high sex drive when not pregnant, but after that, we just knew what to expect and tried to create intimacy in other ways. Like massaging my back. Lol

 

[wildflower79]

No advice, but I'm feeling the same. Feeling sick and exhausted all the time really doesn't put you in the mood. Hopefully when 2nd tri comes along we'll all start to feel a bit better x

 

[chezababy]

This is our second child so you'd think he would have been prepared for it. I've told him to remember it doesn't last long but I'm sure he thinks it will fall off if it's not used for a couple of weeks. I normally have a good sex drive too so I understand why he's frustrated. I just wish he'd understand that he actually has the good end of the deal. I'd love to just be feeling a little sexually frustrated rather than feeling sick, tired and constipated constantly.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

It really is hard...my fiance was understanding about it but I know he worried too. I kept reminding him it was just the hormones...then with the smell aversion things got awful and I couldn't stomach kissing him and I felt terrible, he thought I didn't want to.. but soon we started to have ups and downs and sometimes sex and kissing were good, but when I forced it I just ended up frustrated and uncomfortable.

 

[confused87com]

I'm sick of my hubby pestering for it. I have spd so am in pain. I know he doesn't find pregnant people attractive so I find it tough because I feel really self conscious. I'm also 35 weeks pregnant! He's getting so cross about it. But seriously sex is not high on my list right now

 

[bunyhuny]

DH and I have DTD twice since my IVF transfer- the two times that I have personally wanted to. So far, he has been really understanding about how sick I am.

Early on, I explained to him that being on IVF meds feels like having a really bad hangover 24 hours a day with no relief for weeks on end, and being pregnant was like that same hangover coupled with food poisoning.... so the couple times sex has happened, he has pretty much just been incredibly grateful and feels really cared about- after all, I must really want him and love him to even consider DTD in the state I'm in! He has not once asked for sex since I got pregnant.

Maybe you need to sit your husband down and explain to him how sick you are and that you don't want him trying to initiate anything- that you will initiate whenever you feel up for it. Maybe he really just doesn't understand how crappy you can feel in pregnancy. Comparing it to a hangover mixed with food poisoning really got the point across to my DH, maybe the same kind of analogy will work with your DH?

 

[lozzy21]

Ask him would he like to have sex when he's hungover, when he says no ask him if he doesn't why does he expect you to when you feel like your hungover!

 

[chezababy]

I'm sorry some of you are going through the same thing but it's nice to know it's not just my oh who is insensitive. Bunyhuny he does know how sick I am. I actually throw up so he witnesses it. He just doesn't seem to understand why that would put you off. Lozzy21 he wouldn't say no. He'd probably just remind me of the time he had sex with a stomach bug. He's got a high sex drive. I've only known him once to turn it down and he had a cracked rib. This is why he doesn't understand that I don't want to.

 

[Dreamermama]

Tell him he has internet and a hand, use it... you just need to remind him that you'll feel good again eventually and he just needs to be patient!

 

[Ethereal]

I'm quite lucky with my OH, he totally understands and is never pushy about it. He's very sensitive and has 'got it' from the start about the mood swings and no sex, quite proud of him as its his first

Good luck and I hope you work something out.