Heading into the land of "You don't breastfeed her anymore, right?"

[SarahBear]

I was asked that question not too long ago and I was a bit shocked to have it asked in that way. Today is Violet's first birthday (still November 1 where I am) which means that from here on out, society will expect me to be weaning. Probably not too long before people think it's weird and gross. I wish we were in a more breastfeeding friendly culture . I was eating out today and Violet clearly wanted to breastfeed. It was a place with family style seating and with the negative breastfeeding culture, I didn't feel comfortable whipping it out and nursing her at the table. I waited until we left... didn't make her wait long, but she shouldn't have to wait. I had no problem nursing her anywhere anytime when she was littler. Even if the culture isn't super breastfeeding friendly, it seems a bit more "acceptable" for young babies.

*rant over*

 

[lily28]

My friend and I were at the park yesterday, we both have 6mo EBF sons. Her son wanted to feed so she fed him, but then she was like "what will people think of me feeding such a big baby" and I told her who cares what people think, it didn't even look like she was feeding him, it looked like she was holding him to sleep. She is a shy girl and she Bf very discreetly.
Personally I'm one who don't care about other people and their opinions. But a lot of moms out there feel like they are doing something wrong feeding their babies the natural way, which is completely crazy. I know there is a lot of misunderstanding about BF over 6 months, and it gets even crazier after the first year. But if we don't do it publicly, and we hide in our homes as if we are doing something wrong it will never be normal, and society will never accept it.

 

[MoldyVoldy]

my son is 4 years old and he still nurses. if he needed to nurse in public for whatever reason i would do it in a heartbeat. who cares what other people think. eff them. if my child needs to be comforted then i will comfort him.

it's hard to get to feeling like this though. when my son was 2 i got stared at while in public nursing. it bothered me. i think some of the stares and comments are from people who are either jealous, or genuinely don't know much about breastfeeding so are curious. those that are rude about it are just misinformed.

congrats on making it a year!!

 

[Praying4bebe]

I think many people are vocal about their opinions but really misinformed! I was asked "Oh, you're still nursing her????" Yesterday...she's not even a year old yet! I will work on weaning after she turns one...but that is a personal choice and not because I think it is gross to nurse longer. Lol...my kid keeps biting me...HARD, especially when teething. And we are TTC #2 but I haven't been ovulating and would like to conceive soon!

 

[bananaz]

My daughter is almost 18 months old and I've never had any explicitly negative comments about continuing to breastfeed her. I don't nurse in public very often but there have been times when she was distressed while we were out and I nursed her to calm her down. It wasn't a big deal. I'm not sure what made you feel like there was a "negative breastfeeding culture" in that situation but legally you're allowed to feed your child almost anywhere so if that's what you want to do, then go for it.

 

[MommyJogger]

I'm guessing you live on the east coast then, lol? Welcome to the party! You really have to commit to not looking uncomfortable while you're out. No one (at least not a stranger) is usually willing to say anything if they think you're comfortable and willing to stand up for it-- they're not looking for a fight, they just want to make comments to someone who will take it and look ashamed.

 

[EverythingXd]

I was in a chemist a month or so back and a random lady said something to me about my LO wanting a bottle, I replied that he was breastfed, and she replied "you're brave!" I was baffled as to why it was brave, and my face obviously said exactly that because she then added "with all those teeth and everything." I just smiled and said my LO didn't have any teeth yet.

There's definitely a stigma about nursing even past 6 months. Even friends of mine who have breastfed during the first 6 months have made comments to me that have made me think they think I should stop (DS1 was breastfed to 16 months).

 

[SarahBear]

I actually live on the west coast. I"m in Oregon and I'm guessing the breastfeeding culture here is relatively sunshine and roses. However, one place being really bad, doesn't make another place good. I still haven't had any negative comments but I also don't nurse in public a lot because Violet is usually too distracted.

 

[MommyJogger]

It's amazing how even "locally" the public opinion can vary so much. We live at the hub of several different cultures-- we're just outside the edge of a university town (which is very nip/bf friendly), a traditional Amish community (which is the most amazing place for bf ever, period), a neo-traditional Amish community (where you will literally find not a single bf-er and they'll spit in disgust and refuse to do business with you if they see you doing it), and a 'traditional' (read: very republican and conservative) rural community where opinions range from "bf is very sweet, good for you" to "bf is great, but only in private" to "bf is gross, why would you do it when there's formula". And it all depends on which way we turn when we exit the driveway, lol.
In general, bf is very pushed on the east coast, but to do it past 6/12mo or to do it in public is on average socially unacceptable.

 

[Dahlia2007]

Savannah turned 1 on Nov 2, and I too feel that I am headed into the land you speak of. I don't plan to actively wean until the new year, and probably into spring. I think when it comes to the feelings we are having, we really have to step back and say that this is for our children. There have been many times in my life where I regret not standing up for my rights or opinions, or basically letting others beat me down. But I am stopping this pattern, and breastfeeding proudly past the age of 1 is part of it. If someone reacts negatively, I will smile at them. I AM GOING TO BE PROUD! This is an amazing gift I can give to my daughter and I'm not going to stop until I'm ready to : )

 

[Bevziibubble]

I get this a lot off my DH family and I know they are thinking that it's gross I still breastfeed. They've said horrible things such as offering Holly a glass of milk and said 'it's better than that other shit you have'. And they assume that I don't feed her any solids and just fill her up with breastmilk. Then when Holly was 17 months and I was having a wisdom tooth extraction in hospital, I asked if the painkillers that they were going to send me home with were suitable with breastfeeding. I was lying on the operating table with a needle in my hand about to be put under general anaesthetic and the nurse started lecturing me about how I'd 'have to stop that soon' as I didnt want to be one of 'those mothers' who still breastfed a seven year old! I couldn't think of a more inappropriate time or place to be given such an unwanted lecture!

Then when I left the hospital I found out that because Holly had done so well without me for 8 hours, my husband's step mum had been trying to talk him in to getting me to wean her! People can be so interfering and rude! All you can do is carry on what you're doing and be proud, because there's no pleasing some people!

 

[starlight2801]

My little man is 8 months, so not even a year old yet.

At the weekend I bumped into someone I haven't seem for a while (since he was 2-3 months old) and she said something along the lines of "wow he's a big boy now. I remember last time I saw you you were still nursing him". I was like, "yes, and I'm still nursing him..."

I think although he hasn't said it explicitly my husband would rather me be bottle feeding him now but why would I want that hassle when breastfeeding is going well? It seems like we've got through the difficult part so why give it up now when we're both happy with it if that makes sense.

I still nip (not often, as he usually only has 1 feed between breakfast and his bedtime feed, 2 at the most) and I haven't got glared at yet but I'm prepared for it if it happens.

If my boy needs to eat, or be comforted...

 

[susannah14]

It's amazing how even "locally" the public opinion can vary so much. We live at the hub of several different cultures-- we're just outside the edge of a university town (which is very nip/bf friendly), a traditional Amish community (which is the most amazing place for bf ever, period), a neo-traditional Amish community (where you will literally find not a single bf-er and they'll spit in disgust and refuse to do business with you if they see you doing it), and a 'traditional' (read: very republican and conservative) rural community where opinions range from "bf is very sweet, good for you" to "bf is great, but only in private" to "bf is gross, why would you do it when there's formula". And it all depends on which way we turn when we exit the driveway, lol.
In general, bf is very pushed on the east coast, but to do it past 6/12mo or to do it in public is on average socially unacceptable.

This is interesting. Are you in PA?

I've been bfing for 14 months and I haven't had any rude comments (I've had borderline comments but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt). But let me tell you, nothing enrages me more than ignorant, uninformed, intolerant people criticizing mothers for their greatest gift.

 

[MommyJogger]

It's amazing how even "locally" the public opinion can vary so much. We live at the hub of several different cultures-- we're just outside the edge of a university town (which is very nip/bf friendly), a traditional Amish community (which is the most amazing place for bf ever, period), a neo-traditional Amish community (where you will literally find not a single bf-er and they'll spit in disgust and refuse to do business with you if they see you doing it), and a 'traditional' (read: very republican and conservative) rural community where opinions range from "bf is very sweet, good for you" to "bf is great, but only in private" to "bf is gross, why would you do it when there's formula". And it all depends on which way we turn when we exit the driveway, lol.
In general, bf is very pushed on the east coast, but to do it past 6/12mo or to do it in public is on average socially unacceptable.

This is interesting. Are you in PA?

I've been bfing for 14 months and I haven't had any rude comments (I've had borderline comments but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt). But let me tell you, nothing enrages me more than ignorant, uninformed, intolerant people criticizing mothers for their greatest gift.

Yup- central! Did I just find another local on BnB?

 

[rose.]

I told another mum that Alfie won't take any bottles at all the other day, and she looked really confused and said 'well how are you giving him milk then?!' when I said 'I still breastfeed' she looked really suprised. He is 7 1/2 months old :doh:

 

[susannah14]

It's amazing how even "locally" the public opinion can vary so much. We live at the hub of several different cultures-- we're just outside the edge of a university town (which is very nip/bf friendly), a traditional Amish community (which is the most amazing place for bf ever, period), a neo-traditional Amish community (where you will literally find not a single bf-er and they'll spit in disgust and refuse to do business with you if they see you doing it), and a 'traditional' (read: very republican and conservative) rural community where opinions range from "bf is very sweet, good for you" to "bf is great, but only in private" to "bf is gross, why would you do it when there's formula". And it all depends on which way we turn when we exit the driveway, lol.
In general, bf is very pushed on the east coast, but to do it past 6/12mo or to do it in public is on average socially unacceptable.

This is interesting. Are you in PA?

I've been bfing for 14 months and I haven't had any rude comments (I've had borderline comments but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt). But let me tell you, nothing enrages me more than ignorant, uninformed, intolerant people criticizing mothers for their greatest gift.

Yup- central! Did I just find another local on BnB?

Sort of! I live in the Baltimore area, about 20 minutes from the PA border!

 

[Larkspur]

I haven't had any comments at 14 months. Most of that is just living in a breastfeeding-friendly place.

There are a few people I know who, while not anti-breastfeeding, see nursing past six months to be weird/unnecessary, but they are definitely too scared of me to say anything. I've been dying for a stranger to make a snide remark but nothing yet, dammit.

 

[FAB mama]

I'm waiting for the comments to start coming soon. I don't think breastfeeding is common here past a few months, if that. I think I've seen someone NIP maybe once, ever?? I did it once, the other times in the car, dressing rooms etc. I think our pediatrician is surprised I'm still breastfeeding.

My mom was pushing me to get him on formula for a while, but she's stopped thankfully! My in-laws haven't made any bad comments that I'm aware of, but MIL commented that my LO doesn't spit up tons like all the other kids in the family because they were on formula.

I have a friend who is a doctor and she said none of her patients breastfeed. She works with mostly the poor population in our city… and them breastfeed?? Ha. Not if there's free formula I guess. (I'm in the Deep South by the way) - I hope that didn't come across as offensive to anyone here!

 

[Care76]

It is so sad that people don't support giving our children the best nutrition. It would be more acceptable to see us give them pop/juice or McDonalds than to BF in public (or at all if they are older). We are lucky as we seem to live in a very BF is best populace. But, it is for babies, not older children. I always thought most people in our area thought it was weird to nurse a 3 and up child, but I am not really sure now after with talking with people now that my son is over a year.

When I say I am still breasfeeding my son (who turned 1 on Oct 31) most people say "good for you" or don't say anything, but don't make a deal out of it. I had my first experience the other day of somebody being kind of put off by it. I was mentioning how I wouldn't feel comfortable going out (over night) without my son and that I nursed him so I wouldn't do it anyway. And the response was a very shocked "you are still nursing him?! And he's 1?!" But it sounded like she thought it was appalling or gross. I explained that the World Health Organization and Health Canada recommend BF until the child is at least 2 years old and she just said "oh, well ok". She isn't from our area and doesn't even live in our country, so maybe that is why. But I was thinking, is this what I am in for now? What is wrong with people?

I have fought so hard to get to this point. I still have supply issues and some pain when BF, but it was so much harder months ago. We have been through Tongue tie, and upper and lower lip ties and their releases. We do CST and exercises to help with latch. I am so proud to have been able to get this far and it was hurtful to me to have anybody react that way. I am not going to stop or anything, but it is nice to have people understand how important it is for my baby to have the best and for us to have this bond. He is a miracle and will probably be my only child. I am not rushing his childhood because others are uncomfortable.

 

[MommyJogger]

I have fought so hard to get to this point. I still have supply issues and some pain when BF, but it was so much harder months ago. We have been through Tongue tie, and upper and lower lip ties and their releases. We do CST and exercises to help with latch. I am so proud to have been able to get this far and it was hurtful to me to have anybody react that way. I am not going to stop or anything, but it is nice to have people understand how important it is for my baby to have the best and for us to have this bond. He is a miracle and will probably be my only child. I am not rushing his childhood because others are uncomfortable.

I think it's absolutely touching how much you've gone through to have a nursing relationship with your son. He's lucky to have you as a mom. Many happy nursing years ahead for you two!