HELP! 5 weeks and need advice...

[JerseyBlink]

so I need a advice. I will give a little backstory for you because I don't think you all know my situation. I found out on Monday 12/2 that I am pregnant! It really isn't an ideal situation, the father is totally freaked out and won't really talk to me, other than to say he is "a wreck" and "sorry I suck" "I need time to deal" Please don't pressure me, I can't handle pressure at all" Basically we met on a dating website and hit it off immediately, we talked on the phone, Skype and texting non stop for over 2 months and we really liked each other so I flew out and spent 5 days with him. I had just started birth control but that obviously didn't work... Anyway, I am due August 9th and am a total mess because he isn't talking to me, and right now I NEED his support. I am 36, he is 42. I have 2 girls 12 and 11. He has 7 yes SEVEN children 22, 20, 17, 15, 11, 9, & 3 and is a widower. He lives in Idaho and I live in NJ, so we are literally on opposite sides of the country and have this baby on the way. I am still in total shock and a complete wreck, so I do understand that he can be in a bad place right now, but I feel that he should talk to me because we have A LOT to discuss and figure out. Everything was great with our visit and I see so much potential for us, but now I don't know what is going to happen and I haven't stopped crying for days, I can't eat, sleep and am barely functioning, on total auto pilot. This is a supportive group, so I figured I would share my story and hopefully get some words of advice/encouragement. He is pushing for an abortion, and I would NEVER even consider that, so I totally freaked out and called and texted me a LOT because he wouldn't talk to me after I told him I was not killing our baby.
Friday night he simply responded "You have driven me away with your extreme behavior" After that I kind of flipped out on him and sent a few not so nice texts. The next morning I felt bad and sent him this message " I am sorry I have been freaking you our or whatever. I am just scared to death and do not know what to do or how to react, especially when you stay silent. Silence is the WORST thing you can do to a freaked out pregnant womanist need you to be adult enough to actually talk to me about things. No more freak outs, I promise. I know you are a good man and father, so please just be reasonable with me. We are having a baby together and I care about you a great deal. Okay?"

He actually responded to that " Okay. I am sorry also. Just please don't pressure me, I don't deal with that at all"

I said " I promise. I will lay low and give you time to deal with this"

He responded with a

That was Saturday afternoon. That was the last contact we have had, my question is how long to I give him to "process" do I wait for him to contact me, do I call or text him in a few days... I don't know what to do next, how to proceed.

He is a very touchy person, he's been through a lot. 2 ex wives, a wife that was murdered, and 2 other mothers of his children that did a number on him. I don't want to freak him out any more or drive him away. I do believe we can make this work once he calms down, but I am stuck now not knowing what to do.

And please, I don't need anyone telling me how I put myself into this situation, I already know that...

 

[Kezzybear]

Wow Hun. What a situation! He sounds like he has been through soooo much in his life already. Particularly when it comes to relationships. It's understandable that he is freaked out because again he is responsible for someone else and not just one person but two including bubs.
I would give him a week or so...at the end of the day you are having this baby regardless so you are In it even if he isn't. You sound like you have a connection and you believe him to be a wonderful person. Give him space and give him a chance to miss you. You can't miss someone if they are messaging and calling all the time.

If he doesn't get back to you in a week or so then ask him if you can meet up to talk about the future of the baby etc.

Good luck to you! I'm sure it will work out. Men need time to process. Women like to talk out their problems, men need to go into their cave and think

Good luck!!!!