HELP...I'm really struggling

[V2R]

I am considering going to the doctor as I am so down in the dumps I have never felt like this in my whole life the whole ttc has taken it's toll.
Everyone falls pregnant just by looking at their other half. I can't even have a late period to give me a little hope!! I know other people are in worse situations but I feel so alone, I've pushed my friends to the side as they all have kids or are pregnant & I know I'm pushing my O/H away. I'm struggling with exercise & with everyone at work. Only thing I'm looking forward to is having 2 weeks off work!!

 

[xMissxZoiex]

You should go speak to your GP. Its such a hard journey. I also have been TTC for a long time. Over the years i have even been jelous of my own parents for having kids :/ How stupid is that.

You have to keep your chin up, its the only way forward and i know its hard but have faith that it will happen in the future. Speak to someone it may help .xxx

 

[tamithomas]

I'm so sorry you feel down, it gets the best of all of us. A doctor's appointment can't hurt. GL

 

[vichy]

Hey hun, I know how you feel. We've been trying for just over two years now. a while ago I started getting really faint lines on tests i was so excited then I started to bleed and after that something just clicked inside me.
I didnt wnt to see anyone, I struggled just to get up in the morning, I was terrible to OH and I just could not find any joy or hope in anything.
I went to my doctor and as soon as I sat in the chair I started to cry and told her as much as I could. She was soo nice about everything. She prescribed me some antidepressants and I'm taking them since.
I am starting to feel better and getting some feelings of hope back.
I would definitely advise you to tell your doctor. Even just the relief of telling someone outside of your immediate circle and knowing they cannot tell anyone what you say can bring big relief.

Phew sorry that was so long. Bet of luck to you and I hope you find comfort soon

xxxxx

 

[V2R]

Thanks ladies....I'm scared to go to the doctor, I went last month & asked her for advice & she told me no just wait for the IUI appointment. I think I'm going to try & tell my mum soon...I don't know if any of youz feel like this but I'm embarrassed to tell my mum, prob because I'm not close to her.
After posting this a girl at my work told me she is pregnant by accident, she has an eating disorder & her O/H takes/smokes the occasional drugs!

Life is a bitch eh.....Hope Santa brings us all lucky sperm!! xx

 

[Hb.x]

I'm the exact same, we've been trying for almost 2 years and for around 6 months I went totally crazy, I couldn't even walk past a pram without bursting into tears, and my whole life revolved around timing dates and taking temperatures. I finally came out the other end and realised I wasn't doing myself any favours, but it is so hard to watch everyone else get the one thing you want. I finally got some answers (I have PCO and dh sperm are dying off too quickly), but still no treatment, but my doctor has been fab for just venting to. It definately helped me, good luck!!

 

[Wallie]

It is hard trying to keep going after so many years ttc. I've been at it 5 years and done 5 IVF's now and want this so much but it's slowly sinking in that it's just not meant to be unless we get a miracle.

It's hard deciding who to speak to about it. I've told my mum that we've done treatments and yeah she feels for us I'm sure but I can't properly speak to her because she doesn't know how it feels to want a child so much and tried for such a long time.

I've always said you don't get any help ttc, it's a taboo subject and usually once you mention it to someone they don't understand or either that, that's all they want to speak to you about constantly. As if there's nothing else in the world to speak to you about?!

Now if I had another medical condition I could speak about it to others and get counselling etc, and it wouldn't be a taboo subject at all. It's not like that with ttc and infertility, people don't understand and can't help you.

What I've found is that I can't stand to hear about others falling pregnant and I don't like to see them pregnant. Once they've had their babies I don't mind. I don't want their child, I want to be pregnant and have my child.

 

[2have4kids]

That is totally understandable. I can't even talk about it without the waterworks breaking through the taps. When I asked my boss to put me on less stressful jobs because I need to get pregnant I almost lost it. Why else would he take me off the high profile jobs? I felt I had to tell him the truth. He's seen all of my colleagues have kids this year and they're almost back from their mat leaves (we get a year here in Canada). One lady is knocked up again after coming back last spring and I'm still waiting. When I asked how far along she was she said she'll be off work at end of week (today). It's painful.

My OH and I take Lemon Balm for depression. It's a strong antioxidant so excellent for egg & sperm health. It's proven to help you sleep and help calm raw nerves. I've taken antidepressants previously (the pill made me SO depressed) and they weren't great. Hard to come off and felt like a zombie in the mean time.

I find I have to get outside and do stuff when I'm feeling blue, before I totally meltdown.we're buying ourselves ski passes this year for 2 different hills. I'll wind up in the hospital from broken legs rather than depression (I'm nota great skier). IVF coming in March, I hope they'll still take me if I have broken limbs!

 

[V2R]

Hbx - I take it you are at the fertility clinic? You would probably be best doing IUI? My nearest fertility clinic is Dundee & I have been on a waiting list which should be in May I have to pay for it.

Wallie - Are you at a private clinic that you have done 5 IVF's? As I think I only get 3 attempts on NHS. I really would rather not tell my mum as she obviously had no problems having my sister & me, then my sister has had 1 miscarriage then carried on to have 3 boys. I don't want them looking at me in sympathy.

2havekids - U made my laugh. U better not break your limbs or your o/h will be stressed out holding your legs up while at it...lol. Your work must be very easy to talk to I could never tell my work about ttc!

Maybe it feels worse at this time of year...I had my nephew at the panto today & I would luv 2 treat my kid the way I do with my nephews but it would be much more special

 

[susan_1981]

I know it's so hard. It took me well over 3 years to finally fall pregnant with my son. It was an awful time. I look back at all the photos of me during that time, smiling happily and thinking that behind that smile, I was so unhappy, desperate for a baby. Everyone kept saying it will happen, to not think about it, blah blah blah, easiler said than done. I'd heard of countless people saying they'd tried for ages but it happened for them in the end. Not me, I didn't think it would ever happen. But here I am with my 5 month old son so it did happen for me.

All those people that said my time would come and me thinking I'm not that lucky. It never will. Like those people that win competitions on TV or the lottery saying they never win anything but then they won - I'm never likely going to be one of those people. But last year, I found out I was pregnant. I'd had a MMC and a chemical before so wasn't holding out much hope but my little boy is now 5 months old. So it did happen for me. And I really didn't believe it would.

We were due to start IVF in January this year. I was dreading it. Thought that if that failed, I'd feel completely hopeless about it all as you only get one go in my area. So me and my husband tried harder than ever and it worked. That and Pre-seed.

I hope the same is for you. Never give up hope. It's so difficult but I think the odds of falling pregnant if you don't within the first year are something like 80%. Now if you were in a room with 100 people and 80 of them weren't going to win £1,000,000, you'd think you'd definitely be in that 80%. We always think the worst when it isn't always the case.

Good luck. I really hope you don't have to wait much longer xxx

 

[Wallie]

Wallie - Are you at a private clinic that you have done 5 IVF's? As I think I only get 3 attempts on NHS. I really would rather not tell my mum as she obviously had no problems having my sister & me, then my sister has had 1 miscarriage then carried on to have 3 boys. I don't want them looking at me in sympathy.

V2R, we were going to have to wait ages on an NHS IVF cycle so in the end whilst waiting we did 2 private IUI's then did one private IVF.

We then had another go but it was NHS ICSI. We then paid again for another ICSI cycle, but all three failed and they were with Ninewells.

Basically we wanted a second opinion and another go so we went to the GCRM in Glasgow. We had one ICSI fresh cycle and then a FET with our little frostie. This gave us two chemical pregnancies.

We have since moved out of Perthshire and are no longer entitled to NHS goes however if we had stayed we would have been entitled to another two NHS cycles, so three in total.

 

[V2R]

I know it's so hard. It took me well over 3 years to finally fall pregnant with my son. It was an awful time. I look back at all the photos of me during that time, smiling happily and thinking that behind that smile, I was so unhappy, desperate for a baby. Everyone kept saying it will happen, to not think about it, blah blah blah, easiler said than done. I'd heard of countless people saying they'd tried for ages but it happened for them in the end. Not me, I didn't think it would ever happen. But here I am with my 5 month old son so it did happen for me.

All those people that said my time would come and me thinking I'm not that lucky. It never will. Like those people that win competitions on TV or the lottery saying they never win anything but then they won - I'm never likely going to be one of those people. But last year, I found out I was pregnant. I'd had a MMC and a chemical before so wasn't holding out much hope but my little boy is now 5 months old. So it did happen for me. And I really didn't believe it would.

We were due to start IVF in January this year. I was dreading it. Thought that if that failed, I'd feel completely hopeless about it all as you only get one go in my area. So me and my husband tried harder than ever and it worked. That and Pre-seed.

I hope the same is for you. Never give up hope. It's so difficult but I think the odds of falling pregnant if you don't within the first year are something like 80%. Now if you were in a room with 100 people and 80 of them weren't going to win £1,000,000, you'd think you'd definitely be in that 80%. We always think the worst when it isn't always the case.

Good luck. I really hope you don't have to wait much longer xxx

Hi Susan - What a great outcome after so many years trying. I think it's worse everyone saying 'it will happen' I could punch folk sometimes! You must look at your wee boy every day & feel so lucky.

I had given up trying things like the ovulation sticks & pre-seed. I find pre-seed to 'yucky'.
I am dreading my appointment coming through for IUI & IVF, I am really hoping I fall pregnant before then as my work will probably make it difficult for getting time off (esp now that another girl is preg)

Enjoy your 1st christmas with your wee boy xx

 

[V2R]

Wallie - Are you at a private clinic that you have done 5 IVF's? As I think I only get 3 attempts on NHS. I really would rather not tell my mum as she obviously had no problems having my sister & me, then my sister has had 1 miscarriage then carried on to have 3 boys. I don't want them looking at me in sympathy.

V2R, we were going to have to wait ages on an NHS IVF cycle so in the end whilst waiting we did 2 private IUI's then did one private IVF.

We then had another go but it was NHS ICSI. We then paid again for another ICSI cycle, but all three failed and they were with Ninewells.

Basically we wanted a second opinion and another go so we went to the GCRM in Glasgow. We had one ICSI fresh cycle and then a FET with our little frostie. This gave us two chemical pregnancies.

We have since moved out of Perthshire and are no longer entitled to NHS goes however if we had stayed we would have been entitled to another two NHS cycles, so three in total.

Hi, I am on the Ninewells waiting list. I have hated every appointment I feel they have no sympathy bascially treated like a number & I have no idea what the doctor is telling me as he is forgein. I am hoping I fall pregnant before I have to go through any IUI or IVF....I'm struggling now with my emotions so I hate to think what I will be like if I have to go through IVF!x

 

[Wallie]

Oh V2R, I had the same consultant! I know as I felt the same about him, twat! In the end I walked out after a review meeting with him. He never answered any questions I gave him and what he did say, I never understood!

They have a councillor, try and make an appt with her, I was skeptical but it did help and it was easy to speak to her and understand her!

 

[aintlifegrand]

The holidays are rough this year. I'm also really struggling, wish I could just skip over Christmas

 

[V2R]

Wallie - It's Mr K. I've actually emailed Anne on Thursday but she hasnt gotten back to me! I decided to tell me mum on Friday so feel a total weight has been lifted as she told me my Aunty did 1 round of IVF 15 years ago which never worked she has no kids...but 15 years ago things weren't so advanced.

Antilifeguard-I think we should sit on xmas day & enjoy what we have for 1 day & drink to the future of one or more babies

I never go to church but I go every xmas eve with my newphews & I will pray 4 us all...thats if this flooding isnt too bad tomorrow!!

 

[Lady E]

I had to reply to your post, as I remember feeling exactly as you do. I am incredibly lucky to have a 16 month old little boy, but it took is a long time to get there (me and hubby both have problems) and just as we were told we had little chance of doing it naturally and were put on the waiting list for IVF, we made our miracle.

Whilst ttc, I totally changed as a person. I was angry with the whole world and everyone in it, and felt so bitter, alone and depressed. Everyone else was falling pregnant around me at the drop of a hat and I couldn't bear to see them. I would just sit and cry and was filled with self pity, and I wasn't trying anywhere near as long as some people do.

I got to a point where I realised I wasn't hurting anyone but myself and slowly managed to drag myself out of my slump and tried to focus on positive things I could do to help our chances. It was not easy at all and I still had bad days but I really think it helped.

So really I think I just wanted to say you are never alone when you feel that way, and it is a completely normal reaction when you want something so badly. As hard as it is try to stay positive and hold on to the hope that it will happen, people do get their miracles and I really hope you get yours soon. And I promise once it does happen, the silver lining is you enjoy and appreciate every single second and never take it for granted like some do when it has been easy xxx