Help me

[Donna-marie]

so im 19 and 10 weeks pregant.i've been with my boyfriend whos 24 for 3 and half years.The problem is hes told me that he loves me and our relationship but with a baby we cant have 1. so basicly i've been given the choice to have an abortion and be together or keep the baby and split up. I know i shud tell him where to go but its hard my family are happy about the baby but his arnt for god sake hes a grown man.Now this isnt the 1st time iv been pregant he got me pregant when i was 16 which ended in an abortion. I thought it would be dif this time clearly not. So now im booked in to hav a abortion on thurs im so scared and dont now what to do for the best i dont wana be on my own. I know that if i go through with it we will neva get back and i will completly wash my hands of him . But i hate the idea of struggling to cope with a baby while hes outa gettin drunk n having the time of his life . I wish he could understand what he is putting me through !

 

[emmie]

You can't have an abortion if it isn't truly what u want .. who says that the relationship will defo last if u have one.
I know u dnt want to be alone but if ur family are happy then u know u have support.
Please think carefully hun before u make a decision u could regret x

 

[leedsforever]

Personally I think if you go through with this abortion that will put an end to your relationship anyway!

What are his reasons for not wanting a baby?? Does he not realise that he needs to take responsibility as after all it was him who created this baby too..... for the 2nd time??

I think if my OH had turned round and said to me to have an abortion (hes 25 and Im 22- been together 4 years) I probably would but then have got rid of him!!! I strongly believe I would have done that!! I wouldnt of been able to carry on with a guy who wouldnt take my feelings into consideration!

 

[Donna-marie]

Personally I think if you go through with this abortion that will put an end to your relationship anyway!

What are his reasons for not wanting a baby?? Does he not realise that he needs to take responsibility as after all it was him who created this baby too..... for the 2nd time??

I think if my OH had turned round and said to me to have an abortion (hes 25 and Im 22- been together 4 years) I probably would but then have got rid of him!!! I strongly believe I would have done that!! I wouldnt of been able to carry on with a guy who wouldnt take my feelings into consideration!

Thank u so much 4 ur help,I honestly believe that we wnt still be 2gether if i did go through with it .It hurts me so much the way that him and his family have washed ther hands of me when they have always been there before know. i think wot scares me the most is the fact of not having him there and have to see him bein happy with someone else .

 

[oOKayOo]

If you really dont feel 100% on having an abortion.. dont. You have to be very sure you want this NOT just because your OH told you so.
If i was in your situatin i would get rid of my partner , how dare he say that, this is something we both would of created be it not planned but its still part of me.
You cant go on what he says to you , you are your own person and have your own desicions, talk to your mum or any family member that you feel comfotable talking to as its very clear he isnt thinking of how you feel.

 

[BeckyBoo]

i think wot scares me the most is the fact of not having him there and have to see him bein happy with someone else .

That doesn't ease with any age you are. I think that hurts whoever you are. I told my OH when he was 16 and I fell pregnant with our son, he had the choice to go or be a dad. He chose to be a dad and we're expecting our daughter day day now really.

Truth is, how many more times can you put yourself through abortions for him?

But just make sure if you plan to keep the baby, you do it for the right reasons. And trust me, there are men out there that take on other mens babies, both my brothers have.

 

[enigma]

So he is asking you to choose between your child or him, i know which i would pick, but im not you.
I think if you got rid of it, you would resent him to the point where you couldent be with him anyway.
This is your choise hun, but dont make him force into doing something that you dont realy want to do, if you want to do it, do it for you, if you dont, than dont.

Good luck with your choise hun.

 

[WelshGirl]

Donna-Marie......

I'm sorry if this isn't my place to say....but what a w****r your boyfriend is!!!! Like the other girls have said, he needs to face up to his responsibility...he's 24 ffs!!!
I also think that if you go thru with this abortion, that you're going to resent him for making you go thru this for a 2nd time, and do you think your relationship can survive that?
Can you talk to your family about this? 'Cos if they are going to be there to support you, then think carefully....if they are there for you, then you don't have to have the abortion as they will support you.

Think about what you want. If you want this baby, then keep it and let your boyfriend do whatever he wants...you have other people who can support & help you. If he's asking you to have a 2nd abortion, is he really the kind of bloke you want to be with?

Hope you can come to the right decision for you

xxx

 

[kerry2009]

Personally, if any man gave me the option to either keep him and have an abortion or lose him and keep the baby im afraid he would soon be single again. Anyone who can give you this ultimatum is not worth it. Hell it took 2 to create this baby and he should be responsible enough to deal with the consequences, i would rather get rid of HIM not the BABY. You must do what is right for you, not him.

 

[masi]

You need to have a long think about what you want really, because like some of the others have said, if you have another abortion, it will most likely spell the end of your relationship. You need to think about you not him, how will having another abortion effect you both physically, and mentally. Good luck with your decision xxx

 

[Sarahkka]

My dear,
As the others have said, I think your relationship is already over. He says he won't stay if you have it; you have stated that you don't think you can stay if you don't.
So when you look at it like that, your real decision is to figure out what you want to do as a strong, single woman.
Having a baby will absolutely change your life forever. It would be naive to think otherwise. You are acknowledging that, so I think you are already going through the possible scenarios. Having a baby young does not mean that you have to give up all your hopes and dreams. It means that you may have to achieve them differently, you may have to do more work to get there - but I think that there are lots of examples of women on this site who are determined to make things work.
The fact that you have the support of your family puts you in a really good position.
And your man may not want to be involved in the baby's life as a proper father, but I'm afraid he does have to contribute financially. This wasn't immaculate conception - he was involved and he should step up to his responsibility.
Good luck with your decision, but I would make this more about "do I want to be a mum?" than "should I stay with my partner?"
Just my two cents!

 

[leeanne]

A relationship isn't built on what only one person wants. It's built on compromise, trust, love, and so much more.

And I think he's being pretty unfair asking you to do what he wants.

If your family is happy and supportive, I would keep the baby and sod the boyfriend as he sounds like a jerk anyhow.

 

[Becki77]

I have to agree with the others on here, it sounds to me like your relationship is already over. Hes put you through this once before, can you really put yourself through it again?
It is both of your responsibility, and you have both put yourself in this situation again. But can you see yourself being a mum? Or have you never really wanted children? The reason i ask this is because having abortions can cause long term implications to your body and in future years you may not beable to concieve again.Just because its happened twice before doesnt mean it'll be as easy next time!
You have said your family are pleased about it, will they not give you the support you need to have the baby alone? There are plenty of women who have babies and bring them up alone ( you'll read lots on here) so if they can do it so can you!
Who knows when your little one is born your ex/otherhalf may change his mind and decide he wants to become a dad.
Either way i think its time to call an end to your relationship and move on, he doesnt sound like a supportive partner atall.
Good luck in whatever you decide but do think about it properly dont just go through with the abortion to keep him and keep him happy. Its your life and its not worth living it the way someone else wants you too. Take care xx

 

[polo_princess]

he sounds like a jerk anyhow.

I agree ... he's got you into having one abortion, and potentially another, he cant love you and care about you that much to put you through something like that twice. Do you really want to abort your baby for someone who thinks that of you?

Either way whatever you decide to do good luck!!

 

[Irishmum]

Ah hun. What a shitty situation. I can deffo see why your mind is all over the place, but from what I can see the fact that you even posted this blog shows that you dont really want to have an abortian. You would be happy about this pregnancy.....in fact I think you'd be ecstatic if your OH hadn't thrown you into emotional turmoil with his ultimatum.

If its something that you dont want to do, dont! Yes it will be hard. But as the other ladies have said it doesn't look like your relationship could survive this a second time. And if you keep the baby you wont regret that either. You wont be alone no matter what your decision as it seems like your family are great.

There isn't alot anyone can do to make this time much easier on you but I can garuntee this forum is a great place to bounce ideas around and get some nice honest opinions from great ladies.



x

 

[Logiebear]

I have to say that I wouldn't ever be with a man who thinks that he should his own way at what ever the cost. I am not you and the choice will always be yours but if you want children then will there ever be a right time with him and will you be able to look into your childrens eyes and think, what if??

I personally don't believe in abortion for these reasons but like I said, I[m not you. I just couldn't stay with some one like that.

Why do you say you will be on your own hun? You also said your family are happy about the baby so you will have support there and it is never the end of the world if you bring a child up on your own. I was a single mum for 3 yrs and it was amaing. The sense of acheivement and joy when your child smiles and learns their first words etc. You did that, no one else

Be strong and do what YOU want too hun xxx

 

[PeanutBean]

Like the others have said, I'm afraid your guy sounds like a complete tosser. I would ditch him whatever, to try and make you choose in this way. My husband is 25 and we are married and expecting a baby. It's time your OH grew up but you'd still be better off without someone like him.

As to the abortion, well that is entirely your decision. If you do go through with it you do need to be sure as it can definitely be something to regret if your realise later that you wanted the baby. It's really about where you see your life going and how you would feel afterwards, but only you can make that decision.

Best of luck.

 

[elm]

I agree with what everyone else has said. You need to make the decision that's right for you, you've got the support of your family so maybe talking to them might help?x

 

[Lu28]

I'm afraid I agree with the others hon. It does sound as though your relationship is over now one way or the other so your decision is whether YOU want to have this baby, no-one else. Would you maybe consider having some counselling before making your decision? It's such a massive decision to make, I think if you're not completely sure you're doing the right thing in having the abortion, then don't. If when you are full term you know in your heart the time isn't right for you to have a child then there's always adoption but once you have an abortion, that's it.

My thoughts are with you hon, it's such a hard decision to have to make

 

[ricschick]

so im 19 and 10 weeks pregant.i've been with my boyfriend whos 24 for 3 and half years.The problem is hes told me that he loves me and our relationship but with a baby we cant have 1. so basicly i've been given the choice to have an abortion and be together or keep the baby and split up. I know i shud tell him where to go but its hard my family are happy about the baby but his arnt for god sake hes a grown man.Now this isnt the 1st time iv been pregant he got me pregant when i was 16 which ended in an abortion. I thought it would be dif this time clearly not. So now im booked in to hav a abortion on thurs im so scared and dont now what to do for the best i dont wana be on my own. I know that if i go through with it we will neva get back and i will completly wash my hands of him . But i hate the idea of struggling to cope with a baby while hes outa gettin drunk n having the time of his life . I wish he could understand what he is putting me through !

it seems to me that you need to make the discion 'do YOU want this baby or not' as you have already said you would finish with him if he made you do it. so i would leave him out of the discion you have to make. if you do decide to keep the baby the fact that he is out getting drunk will not matter when you have that baby in your arms.