help! only sleeps on mummys lap!!!!

Discussion in 'Breastfeeding' started by spacecadet, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. spacecadet

    spacecadet 1st time mum

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    my LO is nearly 4 months old now and since birth i have always got her to sleep by feeding her, we co-sleep too and im starting to get a lot of back pain in bed feeding her, prob spent half of the last 2 nights on my side with my boob in her mouth, itry to bolster myself with pillows etc but am in desperate need for a good comfy nights sleep..
    naps during the day are also a nightmare, she just wants to be with me, i feed her then she falls straight asleep on my lap, no matter how deeply asleep i think she is when i move to try to put her in moses basket she wakes up, if i have managed to put her in it she wakes up and gives me the most hurt look ever like ive betrayed her and starts crying!!:cry: cant bear it..
    ive tried taking her upstairs to her bed for naps but if i get her to sleep there it only lasts 10 mins max.. (i get her to sleep at night by feeding her on my side with her facing me then gently moving away once shes asleep enough, trying to gently lay her back on hr back which sometimes wakes her up so i have to start over..), during the day for her naps she sometimes will sleep in the buggy but rarely, so i end up sitting with her on my lap comfort sucking for an hour or so, just so she has a good nap!again i try bolster with cushions etc but gets very uncomfortable sometimes.. also means i cant catch up on sleep while she is napping.. i know BF means you do feel chained to the sofa sometimes but not for all her naps too! TBH sometimes im just glad to be able to get on with things, i can do college work while she is on my lap etc.. so i let her.
    but it is really getting me down, im starting to feel a bit trapped and worry no one else will ever be able to get her to sleep etc..
    so i just wondered if any one else out there has had similar experiances and how they overcame them? i want to get her cot soon and really try to use that instead of the bed, but know i may well have lots of sleepless nights ahead of me.. was thinking of using the pick up-put down technigue as i dont think i could cope with CIO or CC, has anyone had experiance of this??
    any tips would be very much welcome as i dont want to have a clingy baby, i want her to be happy and be able to go to sleep on her own and not feel like she needs me to go to sleep! have i left it too late?? i know she is comfort sucking on me but she wont take a dummy unless i hold it in her mouth! (going to buy some more diff ones today se if helps) also if i try to trmove my boob and replace it gently with a dummy she goes mental! or wakes up completely and thinks its funny... if only i could detach my boob...
    HELP please what am i supposed to do?? (hope i psted this in the right place - maybe should have been in baby section)
    xxx
     
  2. lillysmum

    lillysmum Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

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    my friend had an issue similar to this and resorted to using a sling, it meant baby could nap and she could get on with whatever, however that didnt resolve the problem.

    if she is just comfort sucking then i reckon a dummy would help her get more sleep independantly.
     
  3. spacecadet

    spacecadet 1st time mum

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    thanks i did buy a sling but she hated it, i think she felt to resticted? so i gave it away to a friend with a premmie baby, wish id given it a better go now.. my fella will kill me if i buy another one! im def gunna buy a few more types of dummies, we got a cherry one she sort of likes but i think its too small so want a bigger teat...
    may look at slings in mothercare later (can always tell my OH it was on sale honest...)
    thanks so much for the input!! im gunna look on ebay for slings too!
     
  4. Plumfairy

    Plumfairy Mum-mum-mum-mum

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    oh this sounds EXACTLY like our situation!!!! infact i couldve written that myself it sounds so identical! :( ive been hoping it'll get easier with age but by what youve said it doesnt seem to be happening! its so tough ey?!! i use a sling in the daytime and she sometimes sleeps in that, but the only other thing that works is driving her round in the car or going on a walk. but she always wakes as soon as we're home again!!
     
  5. Plumfairy

    Plumfairy Mum-mum-mum-mum

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    i got a £10 sling from tescos that does the job, nothing fancy. she likes it far more than the £30 one i bought!!! typical!!!
     
  6. Mervs Mum

    Mervs Mum Doula & Mum of 3!

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    I used to have to lay in my bed on my side BFing and when she nodded off I would slither out of the bed after putting a rolled up blanket behind her so she was in the same feeding position. :dohh: You do get out of it hun - she's still very little and has spent all her life up till now so close to you it's ridiculous!!! She doesnt want to part with you!!!!

    I'd try a few different shapped dummies too - that helped us as Hebe was quite sucky to start with. She's given her dummy up now BUT it was a life saver!!!

    You could try putting a pair of you PJs or a tee-shirt you've worn with her in bed so she thinks you are still there :D
     
  7. cupcake

    cupcake Mommy of a gorgeous boy!

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    i had this exact situation for months and resorted to just holding my baby everytime he napped, it made me exhausted and i couldnt get anything done. I am still in the co sleeping situation because i didnt want to do crying it out before 6 months and i still dont really wnat to do it. my baby is almost 10 months old and to be honest its not right. he should have a bed time and go to bed in his own bed. I am trying everything not to use cio but i am starting to think that there might not be another way for me
    i dont know anyone who used cio that its didnt work for within a number of weeks and the baby is never going to remember it anyway. i just feel to soft to do it too.
     
  8. spacecadet

    spacecadet 1st time mum

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    WEEKS!! exactly i would have a nervous breakdown....
    thats why i like the sound of the pick up-put down technique cos you dont have to leave them to cry.. i would be a gibbering wreck by the end of one night :dohh:
     
  9. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    So you dont let your LO cry at all? I don't go with CIO, however I knoe when Niamh is tired, and doing her tired crying and if I keep feeding her or fussing with her then I'm just keeping her awake, and she'll get more and more tired until she's so overtired.

    I'll put her down, and let her do her tired cry for no more than five minutes. Within 3 minutes she's normally fast asleep. I would never leave her to sob herself to sleep, but tired crying is fine IMO.
     
  10. Mervs Mum

    Mervs Mum Doula & Mum of 3!

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    This is basically how it is here too. She does her tired cry which you can tell isnt a proper cry. I started by sitting on the floor in her room in the dark and holding her hand though the cot bars until she falls to sleep. She shakes her head like she's saying 'no' and the cry turns to a moan then just stops as she gives in to sleep. If the cry starts to ramp up then I will take her out and calm her down then put her back down and start again. She doesnt always fall asleep on her own but I'm having to sit and hold her hand less and less.

    I would never, ever CIO.
     
  11. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    Yep same. Except instead of hand holding I'll busy myself around the room she's in.

    Another thing that really helped was a swing that moves side to side. We have the Fisher Price under the sea one. We often put her in that, and she's straight off to sleep.
     
  12. spacecadet

    spacecadet 1st time mum

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    hi, she does cry but i hate it, ive never let her cos im too soft.. i suppose i just think if i dont pick her up she just wont stop so i might as well before she gets all wound up IYKWIM? maybe i will try leaving her for a few minutes first before picking her up to see if she settles first? its just the prospect of hours/weeks of it i couldnt do...
     
  13. Mervs Mum

    Mervs Mum Doula & Mum of 3!

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    Have you sussed her tired cry from her upset cry IYKWIM? It took me a while but now I know I feel confident to let her cry a bit. Saying that, before I wouldnt let her cry the tired cry.....I'd give her a dummy...:dohh:....which is fine but at some point (eg when you finally take a dummy off them!) you'll have to hear her cry a bit!! :D
     
  14. ryder

    ryder Mum to Jasmine & Peyton

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    Totally agree! There are nights when Jasmine will nod off and keep waking up and ends up getting fussy... So when that happens I take her to her crib and put her down with her aquarium on, she usually cries for a minute and falls asleep.

    I think if your going to try weaning her off of co-sleeping or whatever your plan is, you should just put her in her crib. It wont be long before she is too big for the moses basket anyways and you will have to re-adjust her to another thing...

    Make up a good bedtime routine to familiarize her with it... babies thrive off familiarity. And stick to what you decide.

    There are other ways to get them to sleep well without letting them CIO...

    A dummy, or an article of your clothing is a good idea.
     
  15. emma_27

    emma_27 Well-Known Member

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    Ellie was exactly the same. I had such a bad back because of feeding her. She wouldnt go in her basket at all. One night i persistantly kept putting her back in she woke up i fed her back off to sleep and put her back down in the end she was so tired she didnt wake up. And it was that night she first slept through and she has done ever since she was 3/4 months. I didnt let her cry once (i cant do it). Now though like the others have said i can tell when its a tired cry (well more of a moan) so i leave her for a few mins and shes normally off to sleep in a few minutes. You could try with the other dummies that im sure would help. Ellie wont take one :(
     
  16. marley2580

    marley2580 Well-Known Member

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    If you really don't want to let her cry at all, see if you can get hold of The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley (a lot of libraries have one), it has loads of ideas and tips to try.
     
  17. cupcake

    cupcake Mommy of a gorgeous boy!

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    i must admit i have read this book and i dont know how many solutions i see in it
     
  18. kateqpr

    kateqpr Well-Known Member

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    Poppy is the same! She really struggles to nap or sleep, unless i'm holding her (i often wonder if breastfeeding makes it worse, as she notices when i try to peel off my boob!). She does nap in the day, but normally on her own (ie in her lounger chair, or in the pram while we're out). If i put her down in her basket to nap she just wakes up and cries.

    At night she's the same. I've tried a routine with her to wind down, then feed her, but i put her down, she seems asleep, but then ten mins later she wakes up hysterical. it normally takes about two hours to get her to settle. I think her body clock is set to go to bed at 10pm even though i try to put her down at 7ish.. it's getting me down, but i guess she is still quite young. Just don't want to start a pattern of habit we can't break.

    Am thinking of trying her in her cot tomorrow and see if that helps. Also taking her to cranial osteopath tomo too to see if it might help settle her a bit.

    I am so jealous of people who have babies who will lie down in their bed and go to sleep.....sigh....
     
  19. ttcbabyno.1

    ttcbabyno.1 Due Date 25th December

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    hi ladies... i hope you don't mind me poping in over here! I'm a fully qualified nanny with over 10years experience of newborn babies. I've spent the majority of those years with families with newborns and newborn twins.

    For those parents that no longer want to breastfeed to sleep, or are having the problem of baby waking after only a few min sleep please read on. I don't want to upset you ladies that are happy to continue to breastfeed to sleep - they are your babies and as such you decide what you want for them. I think you're all fab for sticking to the bfing when it can be so difficult at times. I only hope that i can do the same when my own lo comes along!

    You may hate some or all of my suggestions, but in my experience they work and you can have one of those babies that you lie down in their bed and go to sleep!

    Babies don't know how to do that on their own you have to teach them. They must learn to put themselves to sleep. It's like you falling asleep with the lights on watching the tv only to wake up in a dark cold unknown room! I think i'd be a little freaked out and want to scream the house down too! So i don't blame them.
    We as adults have a bedtime routine even if we don't know it. Finish reading our book, brush our teeth, loo, into bed, kiss the o/h and stare at the ceiling until we drift off etc! Your baby has a behaviour that is learnt - they learn that this is how i go to sleep, on mummy while feeding. You have to teach them a new way, and it takes time to break old habits. The longer they've been doing the old way, the longer it takes to learn a new way.

    Depending on the ages of your babies i would suggest the following for bedtime -
    half feed, change nappy, go into the child's room were they'll be sleeping with the curtains closed and min lighting. Have the bed ready with a muslin cloth with some breastmilk on it (as a comfort and reminder of you) i've also find it helps baby to have a classical music cd on while falling asleep.(classic fm or a cd is brilliant - just very very low! So you can hardly hear it). Finish the remainder of the feed in that room with no eye contact and no stimulating/chatting to baby. If the baby starts falling asleep while feeding please wake them so you know they've had a full feed!

    Now comes the emotional part... you need to teach them how to fall asleep by themselves without you. IF you rock them, sing to them, stroke their hair etc you're just replacing the breastfeeding with another aid they need you to get to sleep! Put a well fed, clean, and dry baby into their bed and whisper... it's ok you're only going to sleep and sit in the room with them - pick up put down is ok if you don't rock, shhhhhhy noise etc. i would try to just whisper to them again and again while they were in their cot - it's ok you're only going to sleep.

    It's very simple to say these things and as a nanny you don't have the emotionall attachment of a mother so it's much easier to hear their cries. But after 3 days of this at each sleep i believe you will have broken the repetion of the breastfeeding to sleep.
    It will be so worth it.... just keep thinking about that. Call in the troups (oh) to do it if you feel that it's too much for you.

    Pm me if you have any q's
    xxx
     
  20. Mervs Mum

    Mervs Mum Doula & Mum of 3!

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    I think thats a great bit of info there - Thanks!

    :D
     

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