Help please! I'm new

[-mary-jane-]

Hi. My name's maryjane and i'm 18. Last year i had an abortion and have regretted ever since. I've just found out i'm pregnant again because i purposely stopped takin the pill. I haven't told anyone yet. I feel awful. My boyfriend doesn't want kids yet. I'm afraid he's gonna leave me now.

 

[xarlenex]

Hey..I dont know how else to say this, but its your responsibilty, you knew what would likely happen when you chose to stop taking it. Did your boyfriend know you had stopped as well?

 

[brightstar08]

hi welcome to bnb

i think you need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend so he is in the picture as im sure he will find out soon enough. the longer you leave it the harder it may be. you need to do whats best for you and your baby.

Good Luck

im sure everyone will agree we are all here to support you

 

[-mary-jane-]

I know it's my responsibility. My boyfriend doesn't know. I just wanted my baby back so much; i was so depressed. Now i'm just scared and confused.

 

[princess_x0]

I know it's my responsibility. My boyfriend doesn't know. I just wanted my baby back so much; i was so depressed. Now i'm just scared and confused.

Hey hun, I know exactly how you feel on wanting the baby back and wanting to get pregnant again. When you have termination, you feel hurt, guilty and regret it so much. And you yearn (sp?) for a baby. You feel like you've let yourself down.
But this wasn't the answer. I know you may have had this huge INCREDIBLE urge just to be pregnant. But in a way you are trying to replace the baby you lost. And you went behind your OH's back by doing this aswell. I don't mean to critisize you as I know exactly how you feel. But now you have another pregnancy, which you may have to terminate again. Usually I would say it takes two to tango, but in this case it's mainly your responsibility. I would sit down with your bf and have a long chat with him. Maybe not tell him you stopped taking the pill though lmao. Was it your OH's baby your terminated last year? If not does he know about it?
xxx

 

[Sarah-Jane]

I know it's my responsibility. My boyfriend doesn't know. I just wanted my baby back so much; i was so depressed. Now i'm just scared and confused.

The first thing I'm going to say which may sound harsh... you should never in a million years have tricked your boyfriend into having a baby, he will lose all trust in you and depending on the type of lad he is... will he stick around once he knows you purposely got pregnant without him knowing? Having a baby is a huge responsibility for the father of the baby as well as the mother.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, luckily I've never been through such a tragic experience hun but very nearly ended up making the same decision, so I can't exactly say "I know how you feel" but you honestly need to have a talk with your boyfriend and discuss the future, it's a big step for the both of you.
If you ever need a chat, PM me, always around somewhere.
Hope everything works out for you hun

xxx S.J xxx

 

[-mary-jane-]

I feel so horrible. It was his baby i terminated last year. I feel so guilty now that i've gotten what i wanted now. I know i shouldn't have done this. I've turned into someone else lately. I've been on lots of antidepressants and anti anxiety meds since the abortion. I even started experimentin with illegal drugs-this is so not me. I was a straight A student before all this. Now i'm at uni and i don't care about having a career anymore.

 

[Becky]

oh hun!! I think you know and dont need me to tell you the way you have ended up pregnant is wrong!! you need your boyfriends support more than ever now and you have just put that on the line!!

Why is it that he isnt ready for kids, is it financial issues??

what you taking on is a huge commitment at any age!! you need to tell your boyfriend straight away its the best for everyone!!

hope all goes well for you!!

x

 

[princess_x0]

I feel so horrible. It was his baby i terminated last year. I feel so guilty now that i've gotten what i wanted now. I know i shouldn't have done this. I've turned into someone else lately. I've been on lots of antidepressants and anti anxiety meds since the abortion. I even started experimentin with illegal drugs-this is so not me. I was a straight A student before all this. Now i'm at uni and i don't care about having a career anymore.

Yeah, termination is a tragic experience and alot of people go on meds.
Did you terminate because of your OH by any chance? Will he be ready for a baby this time round. On a nosey note, how old are you both?
I just think you need to get your act together now because wether your OH stays with you or not, you haven't only got yourself to think about from now on. You should be bothered about Uni, as you have a life growing inside you, you are gunna take charge of another human beings life so you should care about Uni and pass your course so you can get a good job and provide for your baby. Yes it's gunna be hard, and money may be tight, money make the world go round but happiness and love is all a baby really wants just remember that always.
Sorry to sound so blunt and critical I really don't mean too. Just trying to make sure you know what's ahead now.
xx

 

[bubbles]

You need to speak to your bf hun. I know what you did was the wrong way to go about things but I'm not going to judge you for doing it, I can understand the need you will have felt and sort of understand why you did it. All I can say is be honest with your BF and with yourself. If you can't face going through with a termination again don't do it, you will only regret it more as you know this time you had got pregnant out of choice. If you need to speak hun don't hesitate to PM me. Best of luck

BTW if I don't PM back straight away it's because I only have access to the internet during the week. I'm not ignoring you

 

[xarlenex]

I just wanted to say, you need to stop the drugs right away, they can do so much harm to your child if you choose to go ahead. Talk to those close to you, sooner rather than later xxx

 

[-mary-jane-]

Thanks for your concern but i haven't done drugs for two months now. I'm 18 and my bf is 21. We ended the last pregnancy because i got pregnant first time we slept together-was kind of a one nite stand at first. I cannot have an abortion again-it'd kill me. Please, i know what i did was so wrong and i'm going to have to live with that so please don't rub it in too much. I'm going to get enough of that when i tell everyone. I passed my first year of uni with a first and am def going back. I'm going to tell my bf this weekend. He's away til tomorrow so when he gets back i'll do it. I hope you guys can be a source of support for me in the next few days. Thanks

 

[ashleigh2188]

Ohh Mary Jane I think you've realised you've made a bit of a mistake however you dont need us to keep telling you that.

Telling your bf is a priority do you have any idea how he will react?? as you've been together a lot longer than the last time when you got pg. I can understand the urges you are talking about after my mc it took over and it was all i could think about it consumed me but keeping things bottled up will only make it worse please believe me on that.

Keeping off the drugs is also a priority as it could harm your bubba

Do you have any idea on what will happen with uni?? I know it must seem there are a lot of questions but your going to have to think about these things carefully . A career is going to be essential if bf isnt around and your the only provider for your LO.

If you ever need any1 to talk pm me xxxxx

 

[claire1983]

dont mean to be harsh but if you trick your boyfriend like this you can hardly blame him if he leaves. You could end up more depressed as you have to face the reality of either having another abortion or being a single mum.

 

[-mary-jane-]

I know i can't blame him for leaving me!! I realise what i've done is beyond wrong! Please i'm not here for a lecture. I thought maybe i could get some support here. I know i don't deserve it but i'm hurting so much. I feel so alone.

 

[princess_vix]

hm....dear oh dear.

u did do wrong.

but i'm not here to judge you and nor should anyone else as it's your mistake....you have faced up to it and admitted what you did was wrong.....but i'm sorry to say you really didn't think to hard did you...that poor baby might grown up without a daddy now...anyway i'll stop lecturing there as we all do things we regret and i hate it when i do something wrong and get judged.


you really need to tell someone your pregnant and most importantly be honest with your boyfriend...you can not lie to him and say you missed a pill by accident..cos it's not fair on him is it? plus you'd have the guilt...be honest with him apologize to him say you made a mistake....you need to discuss what your going to do.


i hope that helps a little bit...
goodluck

 

[ricschick]

I feel so horrible. It was his baby i terminated last year. I feel so guilty now that i've gotten what i wanted now. I know i shouldn't have done this. I've turned into someone else lately. I've been on lots of antidepressants and anti anxiety meds since the abortion. I even started experimentin with illegal drugs-this is so not me. I was a straight A student before all this. Now i'm at uni and i don't care about having a career anymore.

well first of all let me say you need to go to the doc and your meds changed as they may cause harm to your unborn baby!! and def STOP the other illegal drugs your doing, you have choosen to bring a baby into the world so you can atleast do right by it.
2nd of all you need to discuss this with your other half its his baby too and be honest with him he deserves that much.

 

[-mary-jane-]

Thanks for your replies. I've stopped taking my meds for now n i have an appointment to see doctor. I'm not stupid enough to do illegal drugs while i'm pregnant. I'm eating well and i bought some folic acid tablets today too. I want to do the right thing for my child regardless of my errors thus far. I'm going to be honest with the father-i know he deserves that. I honestly don't know how he'll react. He'll definetly do what's right by his child tho i know that. He's a great man and he'll make a wonderful father. I'm just sorry about the circumstances.

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I really hope that everything works out for you. We all do wrong but it sounds as though you acknowledge that you've made a mistake. What's done is done and you now need to focus on your baby. x

 

[Becki77]

Hi Mary-Jane,
Well!.........Congrats! your going to be a mummy! It may not be the perfect way to start a family, but is there really the 'right' way to do things?!!!!
Im sure you'll work it out between you and your otherhalf and if you dont the baby has still got you to love him/her.
You do need to realise though that this baby will never replace the one that you terminated, you will always feel alittle guilt for doing that.
But you've moved on now and by the sounds of it your doing things the right way by stopping your drugs and taking folic acid. Please make sure you see your gp though because just stopping you regular prescibed medication can have horrible effects on you, let alone the baby. It needs to be done the right way!
Good luck with however this turns out. Im sure you will be a great mum but remember honesty is the best policy!!! xx