Help to stop breastfeeding at 12 months

[smileyfaces]

Hi

Baxter is coming up for 13 months old next week and he still feeds like a newborn. He cosleeps with me so has access to the boob all night and probably has between 5 and 10 feeds of varying lengths throughout the night which is obviously tiring. Hes never slept more than 3hrs at a time (and that is RARE let me tell you). During the day he also still likes regular feeds...he has one in the morning before the school run, one at morning nap to get him to sleep, one at lunch time, another one for afternoon nap, one at tea time and one at bedtime as well as many other smaller ones for comfort inbetween.

Firstly, can someone clarify whether this amount of feeding at his age is "normal"? I feel it is excessive, although maybe my expectations are off.

Secondly, how the hell can I encourage him to cut down? I know the kindest thing to do is to let him wean himself eventually but honestly it is driving me mad now. He just wants boobs ALL the time.

Just to throw a spanner in the works he is allergic to dairy products so cant have formula or cows milk. He has refused dairy alternatives such as soya on several occasions. The only thing he really drinks apart from my milk is a tiny bit of juice from a sippy cup during the day. His food intake is crap because he literally still relies on me to feed him.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[IchigoMewMew]

Wow poor you that sounds like a lot of feeding! DD is my only child so she might be exceptionally good but at 8.5 months she has 4 milk feeds and started sleeping through at about 4-5 months. She also has 3 meals a day. Sounds like although you have one big issue on the face of it there are likely a couple of issues that will need separate approaches.
Firstly it seems that he needs to learn how to fall asleep by himself, and not only whilst nursing. I don't really have any experience of how to go about this myself, we've never slept in the same bed she's always been right next to me but in a moses basket or cot. how is he before daytine naps are you feeding because he's getting worked up about napping or is it just part of your routine? I found that DD went down for naps better when she didn't seem tired but has been awake a long time but it's a fine balance of not putting her down before she's tired! Hopefully some other ladies will have some advice in that area!
Secondly you say he hardly eats, do you think that's because he is full with milk or is he filling up with milk because there is something about food he doesn't like? maybe the texture? My cousin would only eat blended food until she was about 2! With DD I started with the approach of offering a bit of puree at the same time as her milk feed but over time she was eating more, especially at dinner time. If i still offered her milk a little while after dinner she would drink it but then not want much at bedtime because she was so full so I stopped giving milk after dinner to see what would happen and she wasn't bothered at all. But she was eating so a bit different but unless she was really full she would never say no to boob if offered! she's never really been one to start pulling my top down etc trying to help herself though unless she's absolutely starving or to comfort herself unless sge was really upset if she'd hurt herself or something.
lastly (sorry this is going on and on!) have you tried other methods rather than just drinking milk. My health visitor said that yogurts etc count as well, maybe soya yogurt would be a bit more palatable or porridge made with soya milk? Can't see where you are on my phone but here in the uk there are fortified dairy alternatives especially for toddlers. maybe see if that encourages him to take less from you?
Good luck

 

[smileyfaces]

Sorry I probably should have clarified a few things:

He has coslept since about 8 weeks old.

He has never slept through, not even close!

He always feeds to sleep and always has done. He CAN fall asleep without a feed because he has done it with my husband on several occasions. But 99.9% of the time it is me that has to get him to sleep ( both for naps and bedtime) and so he knows that the boobs are there and he will cry and scream till he gets them.

He does eat food. He is offered 3 meals a day plus snacks. He just rarely eats any of it! He is extremely picky and tends to stick to the same foods. I dont think he is not eating because he is full up on milk, i think he is not eating because he knows he will eventually get milk? Hope that makes sense.

Yes he eats soya yoghurts, in fact it is one of the few foods he actually enjoys! (And yes im in the UK!)

Its just at the point now where breastfeeding is no longer very enjoyable to be honest. Its become a massive burden. He relies on me way too much and I am 100% ready to stop now but just dont know how

 

[bbbbbbb811]

My LO feeds like that in the day, even more than that probably! But in the night she does sleep through or wake for one feed, that has only just happened and was also feeding constantly through the night so I don't think it's not normal

 

[Babybum35]

You sound like dd. To the t. We have Co slept since birth with breastfeeding all damn day and night not sleeping through all of it. She's 2 on Tuesday and still is like this. For me it's just hard in general but I looked into something called high need babies and noticed she fit in this category. She always clings to me and when not clinging is always on the move. I'm planning to try weaning soon too and what my doctor told me (US) is that you delay feedings. (My dd doesn't do well going too long cause she works herself up and vomits everwhere so I have to adjust). Anyway night one you keep track of wakingis. So when you put love down, you use a down arrow with the time. Then the same each waking. So up arrow followed by down arrow. This will tell you how many times each night he is up and how long he takes to get down.then the next night you choose a time to delay like 5 or 10 minutes and you don't feed until this time is up. The next night you increase your delay until he's sleeping how you want. This didn't work for me at that age and in some ways I'm glad it didn't because now she'd getting molars and stuff and I have no idea how I would get her down other than letting her cry. It's hard but thus could work for you at least at night. I did notice for days if we are outside doing things dd doesn't ask or look for the boo so maybe for day feeds stop feeding anywhere buy the bedroom and then distract with milk and snacks. Dd isn't an amazing eater either but I think toddlers can just be that way. Good luck

 

[noon_child]

Ask around others (like your husband) about what soothing techniques they use, not just to get LO to sleep, but to comfort him if he got hurt etc. and what they do together that is close bonding stuff (is it singing, stories, bath together etc.). Do this to create a bank of ideas of how to show your LO that you are still his safe comforting place so that you can use these when you decide to cut down/cut out feeds. Whatever method you use to wean, you will need to reassure him at the same time that removing the boob isn't removing your love and connection - panic about this can lead some babies to become MORE clingy about their boob time, rather than less! One method is using anticipate, alternatives, delays and limits. As your LO is quite young still and doesn't relish food, anticipate may be tricky - this would usually be a case of getting LO a favourite snack just before you anticipate the next feed is coming, or having one ready before you sit on the sofa if that is where he associates feeding. Delays: this is things like "Yes you can have a feed but after I've cleared the table" or "after this TV programme finishes". Limits: is "Yes you can have a feed but only for a few minutes as we need to go grocery shopping" - and then you unlatch LO when that time is up. Alternatives: is "Yes you can have a feed or we can read that new book we got from the library" or "You can feed or you can have an ice lolly". You can combine them too so "Yes you can have a feed but after we read that new book we got from the library". The idea is you don't refuse feeds but you try to make them less of an automatic "go to". If LO forgets he asked for a feed once you have eaten your lollies or whatever then great but chances are in the beginning he wont - but it is still useful because you showed him that the world was still safe and enjoyable even when not on the boob!