Here's a loaded question **Bully or be bullied**

[RedRose]

Interesting to see the poll has swayed towards being bullied.

I'm not sure I can agree with the sentiment that bullies = bad kids = failure as an adult, while bullied = moral superiority = well adjusted adult. Not from my experience anyway. I was really bullied by a group of girls in secondary school and I haven't achieved anything particularly worthwhile. Ffs I'm not even dressed yet Whereas my husband was a horrible bully, and he's doing alright for himself.

I think what I'm trying to say, is perhaps we treat this bully v bullied issue with more gravity than we should. And I don't mean to negate anyone's feelings or experiences, I really don't, because I remember how horrible it was at the time, but I think if I ever have to go through this with my kids then I will downplay it as much as possible. I think if at the time when it was happening to me, if someone had said 'yeah it's shit, sometimes kids can be really mean but we we can't let it affect us forever. Come on lets go and get an ice cream.' Rather than making it something really dramatic and life affirming for both parties, I think I would have coped better.

I don't like the assumptions that bully / bullied as kids will somehow shape them for life, because in my experience, it wont work out that way. Sometimes shit happens but it's ok. We can move on, no worries.

I realise that people will disagree with me on that, but I'm pretty sure that's the approach we will take should we ever have to.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Interesting to see the poll has swayed towards being bullied.

I'm not sure I can agree with the sentiment that bullies = bad kids = failure as an adult, while bullied = moral superiority = well adjusted adult. Not from my experience anyway. I was really bullied by a group of girls in secondary school and I haven't achieved anything particularly worthwhile. Ffs I'm not even dressed yet Whereas my husband was a horrible bully, and he's doing alright for himself.

I think what I'm trying to say, is perhaps we treat this bully v bullied issue with more gravity than we should. And I don't mean to negate anyone's feelings or experiences, I really don't, because I remember how horrible it was at the time, but I think if I ever have to go through this with my kids then I will downplay it as much as possible. I think if at the time when it was happening to me, if someone had said 'yeah it's shit, sometimes kids can be really mean but we we can't let it affect us forever. Come on lets go and get an ice cream.' Rather than making it something really dramatic and life affirming for both parties, I think I would have coped better.

I don't like the assumptions that bully / bullied as kids will somehow shape them for life, because in my experience, it wont work out that way. Sometimes shit happens but it's ok. We can move on, no worries.

I realise that people will disagree with me on that, but I'm pretty sure that's the approach we will take should we ever have to.

I agree with you, when I said bullies are made into it not born, I did not mean they do not change as adults. I know for a fact it happens cause I have seen it. I know a girl who was just terrible when she was young. I mean horrible, beat up other girls and even some guys. She now 28 yrs later has 5 kids is a wonderful mother and is involved in numerous charities. I talked with her a couple of years ago when I saw her in a store. I was just floored at how much she changed and how sorry she was for the things she did. She didn't have a good home life and got hit a lot that doesn't excuse the harm I am sure she caused to people even 28 yrs later, but it was nice to know she did change and she was genuinely sorry for what she did. SO I don't agree that bullies stay that way and go on to worse things, maybe some do but not all..

 

[robinator]

I think what I'm trying to say, is perhaps we treat this bully v bullied issue with more gravity than we should. And I don't mean to negate anyone's feelings or experiences, I really don't, because I remember how horrible it was at the time, but I think if I ever have to go through this with my kids then I will downplay it as much as possible. I think if at the time when it was happening to me, if someone had said 'yeah it's shit, sometimes kids can be really mean but we we can't let it affect us forever. Come on lets go and get an ice cream.' Rather than making it something really dramatic and life affirming for both parties, I think I would have coped better.

I don't like the assumptions that bully / bullied as kids will somehow shape them for life, because in my experience, it wont work out that way. Sometimes shit happens but it's ok. We can move on, no worries.

I realise that people will disagree with me on that, but I'm pretty sure that's the approach we will take should we ever have to.

Based off of my own experiences, I must disagree with this. I wish someone had listened to me and had taken my feelings seriously. I believe a lot of the things that happened later in my life would have been a lot different (or nonexistent) if someone had taken the time to help me, as I would have had the self esteem and confidence to make good decisions.

I believe there is a difference between someone being mean and someone being a bully - if someone is mean to my kid once or twice then I might take your approach. But if it's a constant thing, where this other kid intentionally seeks out my kid to torture her - that's a whole different game and I would most definitely not downplay it.

My mom would say useless stuff like, "if you don't react, they won't bother you" - well, how do you tell a kid to not be who they are? To me at the time it was like kids at school bully me and now my own mom is, too, because she is brushing it off. I know she was trying to be helpful, but when all you want is support and someone to listen, that's the last thing a kid needs to hear.