Here's a loaded question **Bully or be bullied**

[sapphire1]

Obviously nobody would want either, that's the point of the question

I was bullied as a teenager, harrassed and ganged up on (the girls were jealous of my boyfriend ) I have also been bullied as an adult (by colleagues who wrongly accused me of harrassment and tried to get me sacked - I was a manager. Funnily enough this was also to do with a bloke, notice a theme? ) I have come out of it a stronger person, but it was horrendous at the time. My 15 year old stepdaughter is being bullied, and has throughout secondary school. I don't think she'll come out of it unscathed, as she has a far gentler personality than I did at that age. I *think* I would rather Holly is bullied, than a bully. She has a strong character, and I don't think she'd be affected for life. Like others have said, most of the bullies I know are losers now, whereas the bullied are quite successful. Look at how many celebrities were bullied as kids/teens. I would HATE for my child to inflict pain and suffering on others, but I'm more than aware how awful bullying is.

 

[aimee-lou]

Be bullied - not a moment's hesitation.

If you're the bully, you don't have respect, you have fear. I would rather have inner strength and respect from my peers and for myself, than have to live with the knowledge that to get anywhere in life I have to threaten people.

I would be mortified if either of my boys became a bully. I would hope they would have enough about them that they would never have to act in that way to get people to listen.

However there are always going to be bullies, and unfortunately kids are cruel (I was bullied at virtually every school I went to - and I went to 15!- the joy of having glasses, red hair, freckles and being the new girl constantly!) but you can rise above it, and eventually have the last laugh. I ran into a bully who had picked on me when I was 15/16, when I was 19 and on a break from Uni. She had a black eye from her loving boyfriend, was pregnant and was looking rather sorry for herself. I had nothing but pity for her.

Sorry if this upsets anyone - just my personal view.

 

[Kel127]

Be bullied - not a moment's hesitation.

If you're the bully, you don't have respect, you have fear. I would rather have inner strength and respect from my peers and for myself, than have to live with the knowledge that to get anywhere in life I have to threaten people.

I would be mortified if either of my boys became a bully. I would hope they would have enough about them that they would never have to act in that way to get people to listen.

However there are always going to be bullies, and unfortunately kids are cruel (I was bullied at virtually every school I went to - and I went to 15!- the joy of having glasses, red hair, freckles and being the new girl constantly!) but you can rise above it, and eventually have the last laugh. I ran into a bully who had picked on me when I was 15/16, when I was 19 and on a break from Uni. She had a black eye from her loving boyfriend, was pregnant and was looking rather sorry for herself. I had nothing but pity for her.

Sorry if this upsets anyone - just my personal view.

I agree with this! I also choose be bullied because I would feel like I failed as a parent if I found out my child felt it was ok to hurt someone else either verbally or physically.

 

[polaris]

Be bullied - not a moment's hesitation.

If you're the bully, you don't have respect, you have fear. I would rather have inner strength and respect from my peers and for myself, than have to live with the knowledge that to get anywhere in life I have to threaten people.

I would be mortified if either of my boys became a bully. I would hope they would have enough about them that they would never have to act in that way to get people to listen.

However there are always going to be bullies, and unfortunately kids are cruel (I was bullied at virtually every school I went to - and I went to 15!- the joy of having glasses, red hair, freckles and being the new girl constantly!) but you can rise above it, and eventually have the last laugh. I ran into a bully who had picked on me when I was 15/16, when I was 19 and on a break from Uni. She had a black eye from her loving boyfriend, was pregnant and was looking rather sorry for herself. I had nothing but pity for her.

Sorry if this upsets anyone - just my personal view.

^^^
What she said!
I voted earlier but didn't have a chance to post to explain my reasons. Just checked back in and Aimee Lou has said everything I wanted to say.

 

[bumpy_j]

Yeah I thought be bullied straight away, people are bullied for the stupidest reasons and I hope one day when they're older they would understand the pettiness of them all and that they were always the bigger person. I would struggle to respect my own child if they were a bully - it would be horrific to know he was making another kids life hell and for all I know that child might not have the loving, supportive network at home that I know Joel would if it happened to him. I would also be happy to seriously consider homeschooling whatever else to get them out of that situation.

 

[SerenityNow]

Be bullied. No contest.

And I say that as the parent of a 12 yo who was bullied at her old school for 2 years. She wasn't ever assaulted the way some people have described in this thread and I won't compare her experience to that-- because, holy sh!t, that's criminal! But there was one girl in her class who decided that she had a problem with my DD and took every opportunity she could to make her life hell.

It was awful, but we handled it. We put her in lots of activities outside of school so she has a broad group of friends and we taught her how to stand up to the other girl without sinking to her level or opening herself up to more bullying. She had a very unpleasant time of it for those two years, but now she is very confident and compassionate and makes friends easily because she know how to treat people. I'm extremely proud of her.

I try to imagine myself as the mother of the girl who bullied her and I wouldn't want to be in her shoes for anything. She has a daughter who is entering adolescence and is totally focused on what other people think about her, where she is on the "social ladder", and is constantly creating and participating in drama. No thank you.

 

[RedRose]

I chose bully, because I feel as though I could 'fix' that easier than if they were being bullied.

 

[Natsku]

Hard question but I choose bully. I experienced both (was bullied a bit in primary school and was a bit of a bully in secondary school) and I know that my bullying behaviour was definitely not the fault of my parents (in fact as soon as my mum found out about it she put a stop to it straight away and afterwards I was good friends with the two boys I bullied) so I wouldn't necessarily feel like I did something wrong raising Maria if she turned out to be a bully but I would do everything I could to get her to stop.

 

[lindseymw]

Wow at some of the responses

It's a hard question really but I choose bully. I would like to think that I would have more control over the situation. Fortunately, I never encountered either personally, neither has DH at School so I don't know really.

I would be devastated if either of my two became bullies/be bulled & I hope it doesn't happen.

Very good question, Kitty. It's a pity people can't seem to actually read the OP.

 

[Brookey]

Interesting question....very difficult to answer when you actually think about it.

I think I would rather he be bullied, although it pains me to say it.

If he was bullied I would like to think that he would come home and tell me and I would help him to come out of the situation a stronger and better person than the bully. I think generally speaking (although not in all cases I know) people that are bullied as kids tend to grow up with a bit more compassion for other people and it can also make them a stronger person.

Bullies make me sick and if my little boy went to school and deliberately bullied someone I would be disgusted in him. And would also feel that I had failed as a parent.

Interesting discussion though!

 

[Septie]

As a background, I was bullied in a very good school (verbally, not physically, however!), mostly because I was smart and the teachers always pointed me out as the exception (like "everybody failed the test, except for ... who got an A+", really makes you popular, doesn't it). I knew where the bullying came from, and some of the worst bullies came from top notch homes (at least the way it looked from the outside), and while the bullying hurt, I was not crippled by it. The level of bullying that I have heard of in the media, and that some have experienced on this thread - is unimaginable to me, and IMO the offenders are young criminals that don't belong in a mainstream school.
That said, and as impossible as it is to choose, I think I would pick for my child to be bullied. I could not bear to have raised a person that takes pleasure in hurting others, and if I had raised a child that took pleasure in extreme bullying (driving other kids to the brink by emotional bullying, or major physical harm), I think I would consider myself as having failed as a parent. If my child were bullied the way I was, I hope that I could instill in him the self-confidence to surpass it. If the bullying were major, I would take steps to end it - including moving schools or towns, or homeschooling. I simply hope I would realize when my child is being bullied before they harm themselves or others!!!

 

[PepsiChic]

I cant vote, I think its horible to be either a bully or bullied.

I was bullied a lot during senior (high) school, I was depressed, I self harmed, I ended up with bulemia, I tried to commit suicide, I had multiple therapists and was almost put into a ward for my own safety.

Despite everything, the school still refused to do anything serious about the bullies, and the problem is, they suspend one, and one of the other members of the group would become the next ring leader and it would carry on. Schools wont just suspend 20 students.

I would hate to think that my son could be someone that causes that much harm to someone, or be the person that goes through something as devestating as that.

 

[whit.]

I think if I had to choose I would pick for her to be a bully.

Although it upsets me that she could do such harm to someone else - I think it would hurt me even more if she was bullied and I couldn't do anything about it.

Hard question!

 

[Pink1981]

Extremely hard question to answer... i answered that i would rather they be bullied. Huh thats really upset me just writing it to be honest! But i would hate to think they were doing similar things that i had done to me. My self esteem is rock bottom and to think they could make someone feel like that would be awful. But i also really really would never like to see them go through being bullied either.

Its interesting to see that my vote has put it at exactly 50/50

x

 

[willow25]

Am I just missing some the point here - read any of my posts and I am just a happy go lucky mummy interested in everything baby, but this is THE most pointless and offensive topic I've ever seen on here, to me it's like saying would you rather your child be run over or have an incurable disease ! Pointless thread, and having spent most of my adult life working with children with behavioral difficulties most behaviours are learned from parents so actually like saying you would rather raise a bully, most children don't just happen to be bullies, there is usually a reason and sadly that reason is frequently passed on by parents. I'm not getting into any debate about this but I I'm so aghast at the topic I needed to say how I felt.

 

[KittyVentura]

Am I just missing some the point here - read any of my posts and I am just a happy go lucky mummy interested in everything baby, but this is THE most pointless and offensive topic I've ever seen on here, to me it's like saying would you rather your child be run over or have an incurable disease ! Pointless thread, and having spent most of my adult life working with children with behavioral difficulties most behaviours are learned from parents so actually like saying you would rather raise a bully, most children don't just happen to be bullies, there is usually a reason and sadly that reason is frequently passed on by parents. I'm not getting into any debate about this but I I'm so aghast at the topic I needed to say how I felt.

I don't personally see how asking a thought provoking question is offensive, but you are entitled to your own opinion. I have said myself that this is a pointless thread, however I felt intrigued as to what views others would make after this topic came up in conversation in real life with DH.

I see, what *I* perceive to be be, pointless threads here daily... However I never feel compelled to point this out to the posters as I feel it would be very rude and ill-mannered to do so.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

^^ I'm not really sure why you see it as offensive? Obviously nobody on here would want either of these things to happen to our child/children but sometimes it does in real life. I don't personally see it as pointless, more thought provoking.

Really interesting question and I'm kind of split. I think If I had to choose I would go for bullied. It is one of my worst nightmares and I dread to think of any of my girls being in that situation.
I think though that if they was being bullied I would have a bit more control, I could change them school, homeschool if neccessary, put them into self defence classes and more importantly support them through it all.

If they was the bully though I just think that somehow I would have failed. I know its not always the case but for the most part it is a learnt behaviour. I like to think that I've brought my children up to be accepting of others no matter what, with manners and to treat others as they want to be treated. To think think that they could be making another child feel so bad by bullying them would make me feel like I've failed as a parent.

 

[JASMAK]

Bullied, because I would never want my child to cause someone so much stress as to commit suicide, which has just happened in my province with one girl. Bullies are like immature criminals to me, and I think they need to be held accountable as such when kids kill themselves for being bullied. My child has been bullied, and he has come out of it as the better person, and he is a good kid. He is going to go farther than the other kid who still bullies and is much like his piece of scum mother. Who would want their kid to be like that? Keep in mind that a true 'bully' is much more than someone who teases. It is a power shift. It is someone who makes anothers life completely miserable. I am shocked by these poll results. The type of behaviour a true bully exhibits is quite disturbing. No wonder its such an issue if so many are ok with it!!!

 

[willow25]

Am I just missing some the point here - read any of my posts and I am just a happy go lucky mummy interested in everything baby, but this is THE most pointless and offensive topic I've ever seen on here, to me it's like saying would you rather your child be run over or have an incurable disease ! Pointless thread, and having spent most of my adult life working with children with behavioral difficulties most behaviours are learned from parents so actually like saying you would rather raise a bully, most children don't just happen to be bullies, there is usually a reason and sadly that reason is frequently passed on by parents. I'm not getting into any debate about this but I I'm so aghast at the topic I needed to say how I felt.

I don't personally see how asking a thought provoking question is offensive, but you are entitled to your own opinion. I have said myself that this is a pointless thread, however I felt intrigued as to what views others would make after this topic came up in conversation in real life with DH.

I see, what *I* perceive to be be, pointless threads here daily... However I never feel compelled to point this out to the posters as I feel it would be very rude and ill-mannered to do so.

I totally agree with you, there are plenty of pointless threads and I have never said a word about any of them, but this topic achieves nothing and in my opinion questions peoples parenting skills as much as anything else ergo offensive, Im not trying to be rude in anyway but the title itself suggests it was intended to be provocative. Feel free to pick my argument apart - I guess that would make me bullied as opposed to a bully ! All Im interested in is raising a well balanced child who knows right from wrong and spends their whole life feeling loved and special

 

[griffinh]

I'd rather my daughter be bullied, gun to my head

I know that sounds awful - both my husband and I have been on the receiving end of disgusting bullies and i have to say, I'd rather my daughter learn to stand up for herself and learn that bullying is dispicable than actually cause harm or be nasty to another child. IF I ever found out she was a bully, I would go up one side of her and down the other - she would learn exactly how disgusting bullies are. There is nothing 'big' about a bully.