Here's a loaded question **Bully or be bullied**

[ttc_lolly]

Why must certain people always try to make an arguement out of nothing!?

Jasmak - Everybody that answered ''be the bully'' agreed that this was a difficult question and they'd hate for their child to be either. Nobody at all has said they would be ok with it. I was one of those that gave that answer, and for you to try and rile people up by insinuating we are wrong for answering that way, just because we gave a different answer to you that you don't agree with is pathetic. This is a hypothetical question that obviously no parent would ever want to really answer or have to choose if it was even possible, be it their child being bullied or be the bully. To say we would actually want that for our children is just disgusting.

 

[Quackquack99]

I'd rather S get bullied than to be a bully. I went to an inner city school that was rife of bullying and majority of the bullies have got deeper issues that begin at home. I'd hate to feel like I've completely failed as a parent, that I've raised my daughter to hurt another. I know a lot of people who have said they would rather have their child be a bully than be bullied as they can control it - in my last year of high school a girl in my year was the biggest bully, I mean physically and verbally. Her parents tried their best to control it and make her understand (her parents were friends with mine) as much as a parent would like to control a situation it is often harder than it is. Plus all the people that were bullied are so successful now with first class degrees etc. But majority of the bullies are pretty much leading a life I would not want to. Hope this doesn't offend anyone.

 

[lau86]

I couldn't bear to think I've raised a bully, my only true parenting goal is that my LO is kind to others. So I'm afraid to say I'd rather he was bullied tbh I think I'd be better at dealing with this and raising his self esteem etc

 

[Jchihuahua]

I just want to say that I think this was a good idea for a thread. Very thought provoking which was the idea although obviously hypothetical. I was even talking about the question with my hubby last night and its not often we discuss things from BnB! In toddlers there is very little argument generally which is why I think this was a good place to post it too.

 

[KittyVentura]

I just want to say that I think this was a good idea for a thread. Very thought provoking which was the idea although obviously hypothetical. I was even talking about the question with my hubby last night and its not often we discuss things from BnB! In toddlers there is very little argument generally which is why I think this was a good place to post it too.

THANK YOU!!! Xx

Seriously, the amount of twaddle that gets posted here and THIS is the thread some see as "pointless" because it asks a difficult question. I can only assume some are offended by the place their own mind went to while answering this question.

No-one really wants to think that they would rather their child be upset than upset others (the thought of another upsetting mine makes me feel physically sick) or to think that they would feel better equipped and better positioned to handle the situation if their child was the one inflicting the bullying. No-one is saying they WANT their child to be either, just which they would rather of the two if they were the only options in a hopeless situation.

It's an uncomfortable question to challenge yourself to answer, I get that, but as a question it is not offensive. Though you could be offended if you realise the answer you come to isn't what you think it would be I guess

 

[Eala]

I too think it's a great thread. Not only has it made me think, I'm another one who has discussed it with my hubby and it was a really good chat in the end. In some ways, it has made us examine our parenting even more closely, almost as a "just want to be sure we're not setting them up for one or the other" idea, if that makes any sense?

Thanks for posting this, Kitty.

 

[JASMAK]

Why must certain people always try to make an arguement out of nothing!?

Jasmak - Everybody that answered ''be the bully'' agreed that this was a difficult question and they'd hate for their child to be either. Nobody at all has said they would be ok with it. I was one of those that gave that answer, and for you to try and rile people up by insinuating we are wrong for answering that way, just because we gave a different answer to you that you don't agree with is pathetic. This is a hypothetical question that obviously no parent would ever want to really answer or have to choose if it was even possible, be it their child being bullied or be the bully. To say we would actually want that for our children is just disgusting.

Oh give me a break! You are just peed because I disagree with your opinion. Dont call me pathetic or disgusting! Why are you calling me names? The Q was posed, I answered it. End of.

 

[robinator]

Be bullied.

I would never want my child to be a bully:

1) I would not want her responsible for inflicting pain (emotional or physical) on anyone else

2) bullies never think they are bullies and one cannot change what they don't acknowledge

3) regardless of what some people think, bullies are made. You're not just born a bully, bullies have issues which make them so. I wouldn't want my child to have such self esteem or other issues which makes her so unhappy that she treats everyone else like crap

4) you can remove a bullied child from the situation, but you can't make a bully stop being one.

5) I want her to have real friends and not sycophants who are too afraid of her to say boo.

I was bullied, and I would still pick that option. If I had to choose.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I agree I would rather be bullied also, well not me nobody would bully me, cause I fight like a man but I would not want any of my sons to be a bully, i would be mortified and also it would obviously have something to do with my kids home-life. Bullies are NOT born, they are made into being like that and it is sad ..

 

[ttc_lolly]

Why must certain people always try to make an arguement out of nothing!?

Jasmak - Everybody that answered ''be the bully'' agreed that this was a difficult question and they'd hate for their child to be either. Nobody at all has said they would be ok with it. I was one of those that gave that answer, and for you to try and rile people up by insinuating we are wrong for answering that way, just because we gave a different answer to you that you don't agree with is pathetic. This is a hypothetical question that obviously no parent would ever want to really answer or have to choose if it was even possible, be it their child being bullied or be the bully. To say we would actually want that for our children is just disgusting.

Oh give me a break! You are just peed because I disagree with your opinion. Dont call me pathetic or disgusting! Why are you calling me names? The Q was posed, I answered it. End of.

Yes, you answered the question. And then got an uncalled for and totally unneccesary dig in at the end I couldn't care less how you answered the question, all you had to do was answer bully or be bullied. You didn't have to try and make out that us that said bully actually wanted that for our children.

And I didn't directly call you those things, just that post and what you did. Get over yourself.

 

[Foogirl]

Of course it is a tough one, but like others here, I would rather choose the one I have control over, and that would be if my child was being a bully.

I think both situations would hurt me, but her being bullied would hurt me more as it would be something I can't control or protect her from and that is more pronounced because of her disability. I also fear for my reaction if she were being bullied. Also, for Abby I think being bullied would be harder on her than being a bully. For that reason I'd rather she were the perpetrator. I'd soon sort her out though!

 

[JASMAK]

Why must certain people always try to make an arguement out of nothing!?

Jasmak - Everybody that answered ''be the bully'' agreed that this was a difficult question and they'd hate for their child to be either. Nobody at all has said they would be ok with it. I was one of those that gave that answer, and for you to try and rile people up by insinuating we are wrong for answering that way, just because we gave a different answer to you that you don't agree with is pathetic. This is a hypothetical question that obviously no parent would ever want to really answer or have to choose if it was even possible, be it their child being bullied or be the bully. To say we would actually want that for our children is just disgusting.

Oh give me a break! You are just peed because I disagree with your opinion. Dont call me pathetic or disgusting! Why are you calling me names? The Q was posed, I answered it. End of.

Yes, you answered the question. And then got an uncalled for and totally unneccesary dig in at the end I couldn't care less how you answered the question, all you had to do was answer bully or be bullied. You didn't have to try and make out that us that said bully actually wanted that for our children.

And I didn't directly call you those things, just that post and what you did. Get over yourself.

Whoooooweee!

 

[Sarahkka]

This is a horrible question!!!!!
I've been pondering it for a bit and I still can't decide.
So there's my wimpy answer: I don't know. Both are so awful!!

 

[Foogirl]

Who would want their kid to be like that? Keep in mind that a true 'bully' is much more than someone who teases. It is a power shift. It is someone who makes anothers life completely miserable. I am shocked by these poll results. The type of behaviour a true bully exhibits is quite disturbing. No wonder its such an issue if so many are ok with it!!!

One could ask who would want their kid to have to go through that? It works both ways. I judge no-one for their responses, but to me it is interesting that some would choose for their child to be on the receiving end of that "disturbing" behaviour because of how it would reflect on them as a parent if their child was causing pain to another. That, to me, seems like putting your own feelings before theirs. Having said that, everyone who has given a response has said it is a very difficult call, and everyone is different in the way they approach parenting. I watched my sister being bullied and would never, ever want Abby to go through that.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I think the topic is really interesting. Gives the old cranial matter a good workout, and is after all only hypothetical. I spent like 20 mins weighing up my answer.

 

[Foogirl]

Seriously, the amount of twaddle that gets posted here and THIS is the thread some see as "pointless" because it asks a difficult question.

Oh so true.

 

[JASMAK]

Who would want their kid to be like that? Keep in mind that a true 'bully' is much more than someone who teases. It is a power shift. It is someone who makes anothers life completely miserable. I am shocked by these poll results. The type of behaviour a true bully exhibits is quite disturbing. No wonder its such an issue if so many are ok with it!!!

One could ask who would want their kid to have to go through that? It works both ways. I judge no-one for their responses, but to me it is interesting that some would choose for their child to be on the receiving end of that "disturbing" behaviour because of how it would reflect on them as a parent if their child was causing pain to another. That, to me, seems like putting your own feelings before theirs. Having said that, everyone who has given a response has said it is a very difficult call, and everyone is different in the way they approach parenting. I watched my sister being bullied and would never, ever want Abby to go through that.

I hear what your saying, but it no walk in the park for bullies either. My son was bullied, and we dealt with it. It was one boy and it went on for almosy a whole year before I found out. Yes, I was devestated, and angry, and felt helpless. But, we AREN'T helpless! I went to the school, taught my son how to stand up, and we moved on.

My sister's son IS a bully. He even bullied my son at one point of time. He used o go to my sons school. He was NEVER invited to parties, had no friends, and other parents loathed the entire family. People ouldnt attend parties if they were coming. To me, thats worse. Getting over that reputation, even if changed, would be hard. Whereas my son can hold his head high!

But, yes...obviously either is bad!! No one should have to choose.

 

[Foogirl]

My sister's son IS a bully. He even bullied my son at one point of time. He used o go to my sons school. He was NEVER invited to parties, had no friends, and other parents loathed the entire family. People ouldnt attend parties if they were coming. To me, thats worse. Getting over that reputation, even if changed, would be hard. Whereas my son can hold his head high!

But, yes...obviously either is bad!! No one should have to choose.

That's a very good point. Never thought of it from that angle. I think for us it would be harder, as I said, because of the issues with her disability. She'll have so much shit to deal with in her life and will always be a prime target IMO. Plus, shifting schools (as is often the remedy) for her would be so much harder.

 

[willow25]

I just want to say that I think this was a good idea for a thread. Very thought provoking which was the idea although obviously hypothetical. I was even talking about the question with my hubby last night and its not often we discuss things from BnB! In toddlers there is very little argument generally which is why I think this was a good place to post it too.

THANK YOU!!! Xx

Seriously, the amount of twaddle that gets posted here and THIS is the thread some see as "pointless" because it asks a difficult question. I can only assume some are offended by the place their own mind went to while answering this question.

No-one really wants to think that they would rather their child be upset than upset others (the thought of another upsetting mine makes me feel physically sick) or to think that they would feel better equipped and better positioned to handle the situation if their child was the one inflicting the bullying. No-one is saying they WANT their child to be either, just which they would rather of the two if they were the only options in a hopeless situation.

It's an uncomfortable question to challenge yourself to answer, I get that, but as a question it is not offensive. Though you could be offended if you realise the answer you come to isn't what you think it would be I guess

The reason it may be an uncomfortable question to challenge yourself to answer is that in simple terms you are essentially asking people if they want to raise a nice kid or nasty one ?

 

[JASMAK]

My sister's son IS a bully. He even bullied my son at one point of time. He used o go to my sons school. He was NEVER invited to parties, had no friends, and other parents loathed the entire family. People ouldnt attend parties if they were coming. To me, thats worse. Getting over that reputation, even if changed, would be hard. Whereas my son can hold his head high!

But, yes...obviously either is bad!! No one should have to choose.

That's a very good point. Never thought of it from that angle. I think for us it would be harder, as I said, because of the issues with her disability. She'll have so much shit to deal with in her life and will always be a prime target IMO. Plus, shifting schools (as is often the remedy) for her would be so much harder.

Yes...M too. She has been teased already with her autism...breaks my heart.