He's made it pretty clear...

[bumphenders]

But why do I feel guilty?

I sent FOB a inbox last night just saying 'incase you care, I might have to have Elliot early'
He said: i dont care and dont want anything to do with you's sorry but its the way it is bye

I said: Not even your own son?

He said: thats what i just said so good luck with every thing sure youll be happier this way and its for the best in the long run bye

I said: Happy? My son growing up without his dad? Because that's what I wanted isn't it... Not at all. I wanted you to care about him and to make an effort...

He said: not going to happen because of the way you went on i do feel bad for him but not getting involed and thats the end of it

I said: If that's the way you feel then fine. If you can even be man enough to get over the past and stand up and be a dad to Elliot. Then that's fine. I'm trying here. But before you go, tell me how I'm meant to explain to a child that his dad didn't care about him? You owe him that much.

He said: just say that im a bad person or what ever you want i dont mind and good luck for the future

I said: You know what, I'm not going to lie to him. I don't even want your money, I just wanted Elliot to have his dad.

He said: it not going to happen is it im sorry because its not his fault but its the way it has to be

I said: Considering you don't care about him, obviously not. And you're not sorry at all, so stop saying it.

He said: ok i will then but hope you take good care of your baby and all the best for the future

I said: He is your son too. Not just mine. It took 2 of us to make him.

He said: i know but ive made my mind up and thats that im not getting involed with him so stop trying to make me

I said: How can you possibly sleep at night knowing you have another son that you don't care about?

He said: i sleep fine im not getting involed with him for you to be a bitch sorry never going to happen bye

I said: I wasn't a bitch and you know it. But whatever, I've tried, I've kept you up to date. Your choice, just don't expect me to try anymore, and don't expect to be able to just walk back in his life in future.

He said: thats fine by me good luck and goodbye

And then he blocked me!!!!

I just feel so sad for my little boy. I know we will be just fine without FOB, and I know I will give my Son everything he needs but I still can't help having this massive cloud of guilt hanging over me

 

[BadassMom]

Wow.... I'm kind of speechless right now, because of how horrible what he said is. He's abandoning his son and doesn't seem to even care! What an uncaring asshole!! You shouldn't feel any guilt at all though! You did everything you could to involve him. At the end of the day it's not within our power to change people or force them to do the right thing. He made his choice and that's totally on him. You did everything you could!

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

what a dick! I would of stopped messaging him a long time ago as he clearly doesnt want to step up to his responsibilities. Nobody is ever a good, caring dad when they have to be forced to want to be involved! Yyour LO will be better off without him. He will have his mam & thats all he needs. He will thank you in the long run when he realises what his dad is like x

 

[bumphenders]

Wow.... I'm kind of speechless right now, because of how horrible what he said is. He's abandoning his son and doesn't seem to even care! What an uncaring asshole!! You shouldn't feel any guilt at all though! You did everything you could to involve him. At the end of the day it's not within our power to change people or force them to do the right thing. He made his choice and that's totally on him. You did everything you could!

I just feel like its my fault :/ and I can't shake the feeling of guilt.

what a dick! I would of stopped messaging him a long time ago as he clearly doesnt want to step up to his responsibilities. Nobody is ever a good, caring dad when they have to be forced to want to be involved! Yyour LO will be better off without him. He will have his mam & thats all he needs. He will thank you in the long run when he realises what his dad is like x

I know I havent exactly been the nicest to him in the past, but I didn't think it would come to this.
The issues were between me and Him, not Elliot :/
Its the final straw now though. It really is.
If he comes running, he'll be told where to go.

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

we've all been bitches & said things what are nasty when we're in the heat of the moment i've been like it with FOB. He did completely deserve it though & i'm sure your exx did aswell at the time. Men just cant let things go hope you'rre okay hun i'm sure you will be a brill mam without that waster x

 

[bumphenders]

we've all been bitches & said things what are nasty when we're in the heat of the moment i've been like it with FOB. He did completely deserve it though & i'm sure your exx did aswell at the time. Men just cant let things go hope you'rre okay hun i'm sure you will be a brill mam without that waster x

We were both as bad as each other! I'm just going to have to plod along and hope he realises what he's missing! At which point, it'll be too late.

 

[Laura2919]

I don't want this to sound bad but that conversation should have ended a lot quicker than it did. He clearly hasn't got anything that he wishes to contribute to your son. As hard as it is its time to walk away and just try and move forward with your life.

You and your son have got each other and as long as he has you as his mummy who loves and cares for him its all he needs. A man will come along one day and raise what your ex couldn't... Thats a man.

 

[bumphenders]

I don't want this to sound bad but that conversation should have ended a lot quicker than it did. He clearly hasn't got anything that he wishes to contribute to your son. As hard as it is its time to walk away and just try and move forward with your life.

You and your son have got each other and as long as he has you as his mummy who loves and cares for him its all he needs. A man will come along one day and raise what your ex couldn't... Thats a man.

No, that doesn't sound bad at all. I know it should have, part of me wishes I never bothered getting in contact with him, but at least no one can ever say that I didn't try. Because I've tried my damned hardest to involve him.

 

[Laura2919]

Yeah but you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. He has made his choice, now you have a clear conscience and are able to go about your life with your boy and forget him. You've given him the option and he walked away, now its time for you to make a life for you and your son.

 

[bumphenders]

I know everyone is right.
I'm so excited for him to be here.

Lets just hope he doesn't look like the sperm donor

 

[BadassMom]

Lets just hope he doesn't look like the sperm donor

I've thought about this too! I hope my son looks like me and not FOB. My best friend's daughter looks just like her Dad and I know it hurts my friend sometimes.

 

[bumphenders]

Lets just hope he doesn't look like the sperm donor

I've thought about this too! I hope my son looks like me and not FOB. My best friend's daughter looks just like her Dad and I know it hurts my friend sometimes.

It sounds awful saying that, but I would pity my son if he looked like his dad
Ee how awful do I sound :/ ?

 

[Dezireey]

There's a lot of FOB's like this really. It's just that some of them i.e my FOB don't actually say it with words, walking away and ignoring me in the beginning has been more or less the same as this. You shouldn't feel bad about anything, the only thing you could do is try hard to get him to understand (which I did sooo much of and it fell on deaf ears) and then you have to just walk away yourself from him and his problems / issues - trust me any man that behaves like this in life has issues, it is unemotional, callous behaviour towards his son (regardless of what has gone on between you two) and you should pity him for it.

I know it doesn't make half of us feel that much better but sometimes in life, Dad's are taken away from kids anyway and they are brought up with just their Mum and maybe a stepdad. We can't control these FOB's buggering off and sticking to their guns about disappearing anymore than we couldn't control it if an FOB passed away and was absent for that reason. Just put him in the past where he belongs and move forward with your baby. That's what I have to do and I'm looking forward now to meeting my little boy, it keeps me strong.

 

[judge12]

CREEP

He won't be so happy when his paying for baby for next 18 years!

 

[bumphenders]

There's a lot of FOB's like this really. It's just that some of them i.e my FOB don't actually say it with words, walking away and ignoring me in the beginning has been more or less the same as this. You shouldn't feel bad about anything, the only thing you could do is try hard to get him to understand (which I did sooo much of and it fell on deaf ears) and then you have to just walk away yourself from him and his problems / issues - trust me any man that behaves like this in life has issues, it is unemotional, callous behaviour towards his son (regardless of what has gone on between you two) and you should pity him for it.

I know it doesn't make half of us feel that much better but sometimes in life, Dad's are taken away from kids anyway and they are brought up with just their Mum and maybe a stepdad. We can't control these FOB's buggering off and sticking to their guns about disappearing anymore than we couldn't control it if an FOB passed away and was absent for that reason. Just put him in the past where he belongs and move forward with your baby. That's what I have to do and I'm looking forward now to meeting my little boy, it keeps me strong.

Yeah, that's what I've done today. I've realised a lot after talking to people, that I was looking at the negative things, but there is so many positives to it jus being me and my boy.

CREEP

He won't be so happy when his paying for baby for next 18 years!

He isn't going to be paying for him

 

[Kians_Mummy]

Jodie, you and Elliot are going to be miles better off without him in your life. Like you've said if Elliot asks about his father when he's older, tell him the truth!

 

[Abby_]

Your FOB and mine should meet, they are exactly the same. And I did what you did, trying my hardest to make him care and realise he has a son. I've realised now that I can't force him, and I'll be able to tell my son I did everything I could.
Tbf, really sounds like you are both better off without him. I think I've said it to you before. .
You will be a fantastic mummy.

 

[dustbunny]

What is it with men?!?! I really don't understand how all us very polite and nice ladies seem to have been sucked in by the waste of spaces of the world. I know it sounds a bit odd but at least you know exactly where you stand with FOB. My FOB goes quiet for a couple of months, comes back with some shitty letter/message/anything about how I have excluded him... then I try to include him for him to either tell me Im out of line asking if he has a job/money or goes quiet. I think I would much rather FOB just tell me to piss off and then I know 100%.

But you have done everything... literally everything to try and include him. Yes the messages went on longer than maybe they should have but I would have been the same, trying to make him feel a bit bad for his callus behaviour.

Major hugs You can do and will do so much better and will be so much stronger in the long run. You LO will be so proud of you and love you so much.

 

[bumphenders]

Jodie, you and Elliot are going to be miles better off without him in your life. Like you've said if Elliot asks about his father when he's older, tell him the truth!

Thanks Court! I've kept all the messages and stuff so that if Elliot wants to see he can.

Your FOB and mine should meet, they are exactly the same. And I did what you did, trying my hardest to make him care and realise he has a son. I've realised now that I can't force him, and I'll be able to tell my son I did everything I could.
Tbf, really sounds like you are both better off without him. I think I've said it to you before. .
You will be a fantastic mummy.

I've realised that this is the way its going to be. At least I can say I tried my damned hardest!
Yeah I think you have too!
We'll both be fantastic Mummies!!

What is it with men?!?! I really don't understand how all us very polite and nice ladies seem to have been sucked in by the waste of spaces of the world. I know it sounds a bit odd but at least you know exactly where you stand with FOB. My FOB goes quiet for a couple of months, comes back with some shitty letter/message/anything about how I have excluded him... then I try to include him for him to either tell me Im out of line asking if he has a job/money or goes quiet. I think I would much rather FOB just tell me to piss off and then I know 100%.

But you have done everything... literally everything to try and include him. Yes the messages went on longer than maybe they should have but I would have been the same, trying to make him feel a bit bad for his callus behaviour.

Major hugs You can do and will do so much better and will be so much stronger in the long run. You LO will be so proud of you and love you so much.

Tbh, now i've had time to think about it, I'm glad he has done this, at least I know where Elliot stands when it comes to his dad!
Its his loss!

I don't even want any money from him, not even to save for Elliot, that means Elliot would have something to thank him for..I'd much rather he didn't have to thank him for anything.

I sat and had a good think about things, and I'm so much prouder of myself for it all tbh.



And my mam said to all us Single Mummies/Mummies to be...
'Its better to have your childs 'dad' involved because he wants to be, not because he was forced to be'
and she is totally right.

 

[george83]

the conversation you had with fob could have been exactly the same as the ones i have repeatedly with my husband and now my baby is 6 months old and i wish i'd ended things properly when i was still 12 weeks pregnant and he never bothered to turn up for my scan. i know it's so hard but you will be a great mum and don't make the same mistake i have of letting him walk in and out whenever he feels like it because each time he goes i feel even more stupid and even more upset about it.

you'll be a great mum and sometimes it's better to be alone than constantly second guessing what somebody else is - or isn't - going to do